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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that being very early is as bad as being late?

86 replies

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 25/01/2016 01:09

Quite a few times, particularly when getting set up for children's parties and parents are possibly desperate to off load over-excited kids, guests have turned up early. Occasionally when we have guests overnight as well.

With 3 young children, work etc. I have little free time and find it really annoying when people turn up when I'm grabbing a quick shower before whatever event it is, or just finishing off food, tidying, or whatever.

Five minutes early, fine. I'm ready to go when I'm supposed to be ready, but half an hour before? Just bloody annoying. I'd rather people be late than early to be honest!

It's even worse when the usual offenders chirp 'Oh, you don't mind if we're early do you?' Yes, I really, really bloody do mind, actually.

Or AIBU?

OP posts:

AlpacaLypse · 25/01/2016 01:14

no, yanbu. Did you do the 'still wrapped up in a towel straight out of the shower' thing when you answered the door at them OP? I did that once, that particular bit of my family never did it again!

WhereYouLeftIt · 25/01/2016 01:17

"It's even worse when the usual offenders chirp 'Oh, you don't mind if we're early do you?' Yes, I really, really bloody do mind, actually."
But do you say it out loud to them? (Because you should.)

venusinscorpio · 25/01/2016 01:23

Definitely YANBU. I would rather they were late.

QuietWhenReading · 25/01/2016 01:30

I much prefer people to be late. One set of our relatives are either irritatingly late or irritatingly early.

I don't understand why people can't just drive round the block a bit if they are early.

Herrerarerra · 25/01/2016 01:33

YANBU
The most annoying occasion was last year when my sister in law needed a bed for the night (which turned into quite a few nights) and seeing as I'm not particularly comfortable with her, my husband arranged for her to arrive after he'd got home from work, plus as it was a very, very last minute arrangement it was giving me time to tidy the house, make up the spare bed etc. I ran to the shop to get something to help stretch dinner too and when I got home she was waiting outside, 3 fucking hours early.

Fabellini · 25/01/2016 01:34

Bil does this to us all the time...he will turn up anything up to 45 mins early if we're all going out somewhere, and then snipe that we're late, or disorganised, or flakey.
Most of the time we are ready to go exactly when we are meant to be, and if he's had to "hang about waiting while you all fanny about", then that's his problem.
I have said that straight out to him, but he still does it!

venusinscorpio · 25/01/2016 01:38

I think some people do it deliberately, to be controlling and have you on the back foot.

VenusRising · 25/01/2016 01:57

I also think it's a way of saying that "you're not as organised as me" look how very early I am, while you're still fannying about being disorganised... (And incidentally ready exactly on time)

Hi to yet other MN Venus!

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/01/2016 03:20

We had friends who when invited to parties beginning at 7pm, would invite themselves at 3pm. Our kitchen is open plan so instead of wafting around doing last minute fixes to lovingly prepared dishes, they'd get me greasy-haired and screeching at the oven. Bastards.

They've got divorced now and we got custody of him (he arrives on time).

Boutonneux · 25/01/2016 05:07

Oh YANBU, I've thought about starting this topic a few times recently. I have a dear friend, I love her I really do, but she is always early when she picks me up to go anywhere, it drives me mad. Just be on bloody time - or as PP said above, wait outside for a bit in the car It always gets me all flustered so I end up rushing, sweating my make up off and inevitably forgetting something. As helpful as a lift is (I don't drive) I'm going to have to start just meeting her at places as it's started to really stress me out!

Clearoutre · 25/01/2016 05:31

Depends who it was - a good friend will apologise for being early and make themselves as helpful/discreet as possible.

More than once I've had guests turn up & say we arrived at x time actually & went for a drink in your local first. It's just manners unless you're sure the host won't mind.

Fabbelini - your BiL needs to be given a different starting time to everyone else! (And if you get found out you can cheerily explain that it's because you've noticed he never manages to be on time...no need to specify whether that's late or early!).

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 25/01/2016 06:31

If you're meeting in public early is absolutely fine and much better than late - hate sitting in a pub/ restaurant or other public place waiting for people, whether alone or trying to entertain kids who are hungry/ excited ready to go home by the time very late people arrive... How bad it is depends how convenient the meeting place is to settle in.

In your own home very early is as bad as late... but really why can't people just be on time, give or take 10 minutes. Most of the time they can, but just think they are more important and everyone else can wait for them/ will be delighted with the bonus of extra time in their company/ can just work around them as only their schedule matters...

QuietWhenReading · 25/01/2016 06:37

Clearoute IMO a good friend parks round the corner and waits until it's the agreed time.

tappitytaptap · 25/01/2016 07:10

I don't get this either, it always makes me wonder why people don't have anything better to do!

YouMakeMyDreams · 25/01/2016 07:18

My ex is proud of the fact he's always early I told him he's a rude arse and if he turns up half an hour early and the dc aren't ready I won't open the door.
He would be early then say things like ask the kids if they have brushed their teeth yet. Like Venus said it's a way to keep me on the back foot. But the problem is I don't care the dc will be ready on time if that means he has to hang around in my garden tough.

WinterBabyof89 · 25/01/2016 07:22

My HVisitor did this once. She arrived an hour early, I was out running errands (because I wasn't expecting her) and it was only a few hours after her scheduled appt when I managed to track her down at her office, did she bother to tell me that she'd arrived and left earlier at it had become more convinient for to do so.. She then couldn't fit me in for another two weeks.. Argh.

Bloody annoying! I am perpetually late though (thankfully my friends are too) so can't complain too much :)

Gileswithachainsaw · 25/01/2016 07:23

I'm. usually early. but that's because I hate being late.

but in fairness if I am early I wait in the car or go fir a walk.usually with public transport it's the choice of arriving 20 mins early or 10 mins late so id always choose the earlier in and wait around.

I used to get many a strange look as I hung around in corner shops or sat on a park bench

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 25/01/2016 07:29

Giles I do that too, but that doesn't count as being early in terms of inconveniencing anyone, because the person you are meeting or visiting doesn't know you are early unless you say, and you don't get in their way or catch them unprepared.

Being very late for no good reason is massively rude too though and does say I'm busier and more important than you" - if somebody I'm only just getting to know is very late without even offering a decent reason ("Oh I'm always late, tinkly laugh", not being a decent reason) it does put me off them!

Gileswithachainsaw · 25/01/2016 07:29

But it's also very annoying when you turn up 5 mins early, someone is no where near ready and then rushes about like the 5 minutes makes all the difference when really by that time you should be ready to go.

Gileswithachainsaw · 25/01/2016 07:33

my family is like that though. they always panic I'm. going to be late when I never am. so I get there a few mins earlier than they told me, they are no where near ready. somehow that's my fault as they were worrying I wouldn't be there and I'm sat around while they faff for an age only to he told they told me earlier so id be there

I'VE NEVER BEEN LATE unlike them

Haggismcbaggis · 25/01/2016 07:38

I hate hate hate it. Even ten minutes TBH.

Friendlystories · 25/01/2016 07:53

My MIL turns up early deliberately to catch me on the hop, I knock an hour off the time she gives me now so I'm calm and serene when she arrives, she looks positively crestfallen every time I would much rather people were late than early and do think it's incredibly rude to turn up earlier than the invited time if they're coming to my house.

CordeliaScott · 25/01/2016 08:01

Yanbu. However when people turn up early to my parties I tend to rope them into helping me set up. Keeps people on time!

RebootYourEngine · 25/01/2016 08:01

I hate being late so i usually turn up 5 mins before. If it is a party or someones house i will offer to help or sit quietly and wait for you to get ready. But my dad. Oh god. He will turn up whenever he feels like it. Sometimes its five minutes before sometimes its an hour before. I feel like i always have to be ready and out the door then because he will not sit down. He paces the floor looking at the clock.

Jux · 25/01/2016 08:37

MIL was one of those. You're right, v v v annoying. She once turned up at my front door because her husband had refused to drive straight to their dinner date (with her best friend) because the bf had said specifically "do not be early". So there was MIL telling me how unreasonable sFIL was for not taking her there an hour early! He had simply stopped driving outside our place to fill in some time!

YANNNNNNNNNBU

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