To think that being very early is as bad as being late?

[FirstWeTakeManhattan]

Quite a few times, particularly when getting set up for children's parties and parents are possibly desperate to off load over-excited kids, guests have turned up early. Occasionally when we have guests overnight as well.

With 3 young children, work etc. I have little free time and find it really annoying when people turn up when I'm grabbing a quick shower before whatever event it is, or just finishing off food, tidying, or whatever.

Five minutes early, fine. I'm ready to go when I'm supposed to be ready, but half an hour before? Just bloody annoying. I'd rather people be late than early to be honest!

It's even worse when the usual offenders chirp 'Oh, you don't mind if we're early do you?' Yes, I really, really bloody do mind, actually.

Or AIBU?

It depends user

I mean if you arrived they hadn't even showered yet or the kids hadn't even had tenor breakfast there was no way they'd have been ready even in 5 mins time. nothing to do with proving any point cos they'd have not been ready even if you arrived 15 mins late

My FIL&stepMIL are always late. It's because she's a chronic faffer.

If they're supposed to be somewhere for lunch at say 12pm, this is what she'll do.

10am - get up
10.15 - breakfast
10.30 - get dressed (not in the clothes she's going out in)
10.45 - bake a batch of cakes/biscuits for no reason and spend ages looking for something and faffing in the kitchen
11.50 - suddenly appear properly dressed to go out. Everyone feels relived that she's actually ready!
11.55 - quick cup of tea
11.59 - changed into dog walking boots and rain coat "oh I need to walk the dogs before we leave"
12.45 - Ready!
12.50 - I want to nip ever so quickly into the shops on the way to buy a top that I saw there ages ago. So I can wear it next month. It's really important that we do this right now.
1.20 - Still in shop
1.30 - chatting to stranger in street about something banal
1.45 - needs the loo. Let's stop here too.
1.55 - Oh this shop looks interesting, let's spend a whole 10 minutes looking in the window. Ffs.

By this time I'm

But then I guess sone people do like to put the blame on the person who's a couple of mins early.

which is stupid because you can tell these days thanks to face book etc.

of someone's been posting half the night then it was obvious then there was no hope they would ever have been there in time anyway

when you are daft enough to post what time you got out of bed and what yku ate doing it's very unfair to blame the other person for the fact you were running late.

Why don't you just arrive 5 mins late Giles? As you say, it's not unreasonable and you can blame your watch. Then you can miss 10 minutes of faffing, at least and the person won't maybe be hindered in their getting ready so might take less time. Of course you wouldn't get to be quite so smug, but I'm sure it's not about that, is it?

sone people you could arrive an hour late and they'd still not be ready

It's my family that are the worst offenders. they'd make sone huge deal about being somewhere, tell you a time.then you arrive and they aren't even dressed.

unless you can shower, clean teeth, load the car, iron your clothes, take your meds and set your sky box to record X in 2-5 mins then surely the problem.is not me being a couple of mins early

I would be one of the earlies.Not hours early bout 5/10 minutes.But i will always ring and let people know im on my way.

besides I couldn't arrive 5 mins late as they'd faff and worry I was late and be waiting for me so they couldn't concentrate getting ready

always my bloody fault

I aim for dead on time.

If I am early then I park up round the corner and text the person to say 'Will be with you dead on time'. If traffic makes me late I will text saying if I am likely to be 5 or 10 mins late.

I was on time once at Heathrow, for a trip to New York. The queues were horrendous and I got bumped off the flight - yes I got a free round the world ticket and they paid for the hotel room for the night in the UK but when I got to New York, they had given my room away as they hadn't got the message and I had to stump up the cost of the room and calls to the UK to sort it out - the room got paid for eventually but the calls didn't. So when we are flying I am a nightmare getting there much too early. At least they provide somewhere to wait.

Its also cultural of course - when we lived in the UK I had to train my German DH not to turn up 5 mins early to parties and arrangements in people's homes because here in Germany that is the polite time to arrive and it is very rude to be 5 mins late, whereas in the UK 5 mins late is polite if its somebody's home you are meeting in, to give them time to finish getting ready.

All of this only applies to meeting in/ at somebody's home. If you are meeting in a public place it is much better to be 5 mins early, and being late is really inconsiderate and self centred as you leave people hanging about and potentially having to spend money to justify hanging about, or stand in the rain or hold off ordering a meal and look as if they've been stood up or coral hungry kids who have been promised lunch out, or face the dilemma of whether to go ahead into an attraction and be half way around by the time you arrive, or wait in the car park, or whatever, depending where you are meeting and what you are doing.

I like people to be on time.

A few minutes early is OK, up to about 15 mins late is OK (I'm in London, and it can be difficult to be really punctual).

Anything else is inconvenient and rude.

I have a friend who always wants to be a bit early for play dates at our house and while this does stress me out I know there's a good reason for it - her kids are on a different lunchtime routine to mine, she will have lunched earlier, got the little one to sleep in the buggy, and then would literally be walking the streets until it's time to come to ours.

So of course I tell her it's ok to come straight to us, but I have to overcome my introvert's longing for an extra half hour to myself before visitors arrive, a chance to tidy up properly after lunch, etc. Instead she is usually there while I'm still finishing my lunch, which makes me feel very nervous, I'd rather not be chomping down food when I feel I ought to be being 'the gracious host'.

I don't mind at all her coming early as I know it makes sense and gives our DCs more time to play, but the amount of extra mental energy it takes from me does stress me out. When I go to play dates at others houses I try not to be the first person there and hate being the last one to leave - i always worry I've outstayed my welcome.

I'm bang on time - I will leave in good time, and if needed wait in the car for ten minutes to arrive at 7pm.

I hate being late for people, if they want to meet at 7 that's when I meet them.

If I am late for any reason, traffic, life etc, I will text ahead to say I will be later than planned.

In the grand scheme of things, it's not the end of the world naturally if someone turns up at 7.15 when dinner was booked for 7.

But when you have a 10.03 train to catch and it take 15 minutes to get to the station, and so you say "come to mine for 9.20, so we can leave at 9.30 so we have plenty of time to get there and park etc" It's pissing annoying when someone turns up at 9.45! eyes my friend Then it's a mad dash and stress.

I HATE IT.

I would rather turn up at the station at 9.30 and have a cup of tea and stroll to the platform, rather than the flap of getting there, panic of parking, getting tickets, dash to the platform to see the train go off in the distance.

I have a friend like this. Will arrive an hour early and just ... sit and stare. As I try to do my make up while making her a drink and finish tidying/cooking.
Now my husband answers the door and says "the party hasn't started yet so if you want to come in you have to help!" And hands her something to do! To be fair she's perfectly happy about that too.

We had friends turn up for a party 3 hours early. They said they had come down with the intention of stopping at the shops on the way to buy a birthday present, but had decided they couldn't be bothered and would just turn up early at our birthday party and have a drink instead.

I used to have friends who regularly turned up over 30 minutes early (or sometimes totally unannounced) with their undisciplined and hungry children, who would then maraud around our house while I was trying to get dressed, cook and child proof our home. The children were literally undisciplined, so the only way to stop them destroying plants or ornaments while their parents watched on adoringly was move everything out of the way!

Minshu I think we should all learn from the phrase 'I used to have friends'.

Unfortunately, if you've been programmed from birth to believe that 'It's better to be an hour early than 5 minutes late' (yes, really - it was my parents' mantra...!) it's very, VERY difficult not to arrive early/exactly on time everywhere you go It's also difficult not to have a panic attack if you get stuck in traffic etc...
I usually sit in the car until the time specified - but must admit that I'm horrified by all the people on this thread who would hate me for being punctual I'm with Giles on this - I loathe people who are always late - it really isn't difficult to get there on time (emergencies/accidents excepted) if you just allow enough time and don't faff...

I usually sit in the car until the time specified - but must admit that I'm horrified by all the people on this thread who would hate me for being punctual

yeah I was a bit surprised too. I mean I allow 5 mins.leeway as I said as usually people clocks are out by up to 2 maybe even 3 mins.

and tbh if someone arrives 3/4 mins early, unless you are from.krypton anything more than brushing teeth, putting on shoes and locking up, we'll you were always going to be late then and it's unfair to consider the persons presence as a problem when you were never going to be ready at the time stated anyway.

of course I dont arrive more than that early, I wait even.of it's raining outside..

I think most people if they arrived really early for a party would be more than happy to be given a job to do and help out. I know I would

Because my mum was always mad early (we once arrived for a ferry to Ireland a full 24 hours ahead of time) I tend to be on the early side too. The kindle has been as boon for those early arrivals. If it is a private function/house I park a block away and then roll up a mannerly 10 minutes late. If it is a flight or a public do I park myself in a coffee shop or (more likely) a bar and amuse myself reading and people watching until a reasonable arrival time.

My tDH is habitually late and it drives me mad. Now I get the train to airports on my own and meet him on the plane.

DH and I walked up and down and up and down a residential street to avoid being early for a meal at a friend's house the other night, while discussing whether being 15 minutes early was better or worse than being 30 minutes late. We couldn't decide :o

definately late is worse.

cos you know what, if you turn up early and no one's in or they aren't ready then tough crap your fault take the hit and help out.

late though, you are severely delaying the plans and if people have lifts ir trains etc booked it ruins everything because you have to rush and keep an eye on the time and miss things as you have to leave.

I have no idea why when deciding times, people agree then completely ignore it, are no where near ready when you get there and you are like " but I asked you what time would be convenient for you" " you told me X time" and everyone is rocking up over an hour later, things are arranged to fit in with those timings. then why sodding tell me the time.you did. I dint get it

And then I start thinking well maybe I got it wrong so I go back and I check messages or face book statuses to see if I imagined the whole thing.

I think 5 minutes early or late is okay.

On Sunday I had a lady turn up with her baby (I host groups of new Mums) a whole MONTH early. Clearly it was a mistake and not the end of the world.

I've made mistakes on remembering times such that I missed flights a couple of time !

There is a theory that those who are perpetually late always think they have time, as they consider the agreed time to be "in the future" until it is in the past. So, they would only think they are late for meeting someone at 8 pm at a few minutes after 8 pm. At 7.59 they still think they will be on time, even if they are 15 minutes away from their destination. So, it won't even occur to them to let the other person know they are going to be late until 8.05 - unfortunately, they often then rearrange to meet at, say 8:30, then the whole cycle starts again and everyone gets tired and hungry and grumpy...