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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that being very early is as bad as being late?

86 replies

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 25/01/2016 01:09

Quite a few times, particularly when getting set up for children's parties and parents are possibly desperate to off load over-excited kids, guests have turned up early. Occasionally when we have guests overnight as well.

With 3 young children, work etc. I have little free time and find it really annoying when people turn up when I'm grabbing a quick shower before whatever event it is, or just finishing off food, tidying, or whatever.

Five minutes early, fine. I'm ready to go when I'm supposed to be ready, but half an hour before? Just bloody annoying. I'd rather people be late than early to be honest!

It's even worse when the usual offenders chirp 'Oh, you don't mind if we're early do you?' Yes, I really, really bloody do mind, actually.

Or AIBU?

OP posts:
ceeveebee · 25/01/2016 08:40

My PILS are like this. Invite them over for dinner and say they'll arrive around 5, turn up at 2. They did it yesterday - I didn't let them take their coats off, bundled them back out the door with the DCs for a walk and had 2 hours off, bliss!

SpaceDinosaur · 25/01/2016 08:54

"Oh gosh you're incredibly early, I'm not quite ready yet"

I run classes. My first class of the day is 09:30
I invite people to arrive at 09:25 for a 09:30 start.

I have about 8 clients in varying locations who are standing with their babies in the cold outside the venue before I've even arrived and unlocked. EVERY WEEK. I hate it. I can't safely set up with them underfoot, they want to chat which stops me from doing my prep. It drives me nuts.
But I can't turn them away because it's cold and there's always a "reason" Hmm so I get a few toys out and try and set up around them

...I'm a pushover aren't I?...

BeetlebumShesAGun · 25/01/2016 09:49

My grandparents do this. It's a shocking lack of consideration. Invite them over for midday and they will turn up at half past ten, with my grandma saying "well we were ready and I wasn't sitting around waiting" shows no consideration for the fact that maybe you have things to do! They don't do it any more since they once turned up 45 minutes early. I had been out with DD at playgroup and they were sitting on the bench in my front garden. My grandma said "Don't worry we have only been here 5 minutes" I said "Well you shouldn't be here at all" and walked past her into the house and shut the door!

Muskateersmummy · 25/01/2016 09:53

I'm pretty much always early, but if I'm crazy early I will either text ahead and see if I can be helpful when I arrive or if I can collect anything for the person. Failing that. I tend to wait in my car. Or take the small person for a walk/drive round the block until an acceptable time.

Muskateersmummy · 25/01/2016 09:55

I find it's worse for me if I have travelled a fair way to get somewhere because I'm so conscious of not being late, I will allow lots of time for traffic, but then if there isn't any traffic you end up being ridiculously early. However if the roles are reversed and someone is travelling anything upwards of an hour to see me, I'm happy to see them whenever they arrive. I usually text people as I set off with an eta, and if I'm ahead of schedule, stop for a coffee somewhere.

Gileswithachainsaw · 25/01/2016 09:57

my pet hate is basically being blamed for everyone else either not being ready or being late Hmm

if your not ready as I'm. 5 mins early then that's nothing to do with 5 poxy minutes and everything to do with you lot faffing

oh and you are not late because you were waiting fir me and the kids to finish getting ready/using the bathroom. you are late because you only get out of bed mins befire you need to leave or you sat on your phone while I got all three of us ready and you didn't even get dressed.Angry

LadyLuck81 · 25/01/2016 10:01

YANBU I'm often running early. We just go for a drive, or pop to a shop or even sit in the car playing eye spy rather than actually being over 5 mins early.

Birdie85 · 25/01/2016 10:07

My DH's side of the family believe that if you're not 15 minutes early then you're 'late'! It has taken 10 years to beat this out of DH as it is so annoying trying to figure out the actual time we're supposed to be anywhere!

I don't mind 10-15 minutes either side, but an hour early is too much, and like PPs have said, as bad as being an hour late!

A few years ago we were having a party and some friends decided to arrive 90 minutes early (why??), unfortunately for them DH and I had decided that we'd squeeze in a quickie since we had all the prep done and a little time to fill. We live in a flat and normally would have to buzz people into the building but our friends arrived just as someone was leaving and so just let themselves into our place... and quickly scarpered again once they realised that the bedroom door was closed (thankfully!) and that there were... noises... coming from there! Shock. They went for a drink and arrived at the correct time looking very embarrassed at having caught us at it (we weren't bothered!) and they'd had a chat/moan about why they didn't sneak in quickies before nights out!!! Wink

liinyo · 25/01/2016 10:09

my mum is always early. So, so annoying. My in laws are generally very late. Equally annoying.
We had a big family roast dinner yesterday and we have to tell each side different start times - I tell MUm we will be eating later (6pm rather than 5pm), then we tell the inlaws 4.00pm and I don't put the Yorkshire pudding in until they actually arrive and that way I can generally aim to have everyone around the table and the food not ruined at about 5pm. It has taken 30 years and many over cooked meals to reach this workaround.

And even after telling Mum 6pm, she still arrived at 4pm and sat in the kitchen getting in my way and requiring small talk and tea as I prepared dinner for 10 people.

Arfarfanarf · 25/01/2016 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 25/01/2016 10:55

SpaceDinosaur I teach language classes and deliberately get there early to finish preparing and set up. When my DCs were younger and home full time I would leave the house as soon as DH got home so as to have a full hour before class to do my preparation in the classroom, and of course every bloody class had one odd bod person who would turn up almost that whole hour early and expect to chat to me, ask me questions, translate things for them, look at their holiday or grand-children's photos, look at their business web site, help them re-do and English version of their CV or a million other things before the class.

I am paid by the hour and back when the hour before each class was my only child free time to prepare I used to spend the drive to work fuming in advance and planning to put a chair under the classroom door handle, though I never did!

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 25/01/2016 11:15

Even 5 minutes early gives me rage. I can go from not being ready at all to completely prepared in that time (excluding showering - I can do that with 10). So I'd much rather folk turned up on time and didn't have to incur my wrath when they interrupt my slightly manic five minute turn around.

Conversely I don't mind people being slightly late at all - within about half an hour. Over that is fine if they've come a long way and had issues with traffic / PT, but irritating without good cause. I have a few friends who take being late to whole new levels!

Gileswithachainsaw · 25/01/2016 11:17

But people's watches cab be out by say 2 mins either side. so really it's not 5 mins it's 3. why on earth would you leave yourself so little time to get ready.

NewLife4Me · 25/01/2016 11:20

YANBU it is rude, however it's no worse than being late.
As somebody who struggled greatly with keeping time, I had to use strategies to make sure I didn't offend people or lose that important meeting.
One of them is making sure I turn up between 10/30 mins early.
I always hang about or sit in the car etc until the appropriate time though.

ditherydora · 25/01/2016 11:29

Can't stand people being early. I have taken to giving one friend a time half an hour later than everyone else, as she is always early.

Original poster
FirstWeTakeManhattan · 25/01/2016 11:34

Glad I'm not BU about this. What makes it more grating is that the worst offender only lives very close by, just a short walk, so no reason at all for not being basically on time. That said, she's a bit of a frenemy, and is always trying find fault or make me feel flustered about something.

It used to work a treat, but after 5 years, I've clocked what she's up to, and I don't let her do it anymore… This comment I think some people do it deliberately, to be controlling and have you on the back foot sums her up completely.

I don't get too wound up about people being late. For some reason it doesn't bother me half as much.

OP posts:
Ludways · 25/01/2016 11:39

My IL's are either an hour early or an hour late, never on time. Grates me the same either way.

Early "ooo, you're not ready, never mind I'm here to help"
Oh yes, thank got you're here to help, what with me spending the past week organising this and I have an hour till the fucking party starts!
Late "I can't believe you're ready, you're never usually ready"
that's coz you're usually fucking early and I've been ready for the past hour!!!!

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 25/01/2016 11:39

Because I'm busy and have other calls on my time, Giles? I rarely plan to leave only the minimum time to get ready, but with livestock, unpredictable traffic and everything else in life, sometimes that's all there is. If I've agreed to meet at 1pm, I mean 1pm - not 5 to, or even 7 to (if 5 minutes is acceptable and your watch is out by 2). If you're late, I'm ready and can just chill out for a few minutes. If you're early, you risk making me late by interrupting my time (and it is my time, before the arranged meeting point).

It's rude - there is absolutely no reason why the caller can't wait around / walk round the block for five minutes (as I do when running early), but their desire for entertainment, or to prove they're more organised than me is more important to them.

Gileswithachainsaw · 25/01/2016 11:43

I always do hang around. except 5 mins is really no big deal.

I'd never turn up 15 mins early and expect to he entertained.

however being thought if as rude because someone's watch is 2 mins slow or my car clock is a couple of mins fast seems a bit weird.

I expect most people are ready 5 mins before having to leave barring maybe shies and coat.

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 25/01/2016 11:46

All we can conclude from this, Giles, is that you and I would probably get very frustrated with each other if we were acquainted in real life...

Gileswithachainsaw · 25/01/2016 11:50

over 3 mins Confused

blimey thats taking it a bit far.

do you make your friends synchronise watches

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 25/01/2016 11:58

No, all my friends I see regularly are inexplicably prone to extreme lateness - a fact I sometimes find frustrating, but more often, am amused by. So there's no need to synchronise watches, although I've been tempted to set one friend's two hours fast to see if it helped...

Gileswithachainsaw · 25/01/2016 12:03

Even in the sake house phones watches clocks can be slightly out. I view 5 mis either side as that window where you make a mental not that it could he any minute now, allowing for differing tomes on whatever it is they are going buy. so I never get annoyed by that.

however when it starts getting past that, I find that rude.

no one's watches are 7 mins + out

Gileswithachainsaw · 25/01/2016 12:04

if I hade a friend who literally to the second got pissed off I'd ask you to text when your resdy.

just don't be too long WinkGrin

user7755 · 25/01/2016 12:09

I also think it's a way of saying that "you're not as organised as me" look how very early I am, while you're still fannying about being disorganised

But it's also very annoying when you turn up 5 mins early, someone is no where near ready and then rushes about like the 5 minutes makes all the difference when really by that time you should be ready to go.

Perfect example of the earlier point.

Would much rather someone be late than early

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