AIBU to feel sad I won't be going to this wedding?

[WonderingAspie]

A relative is getting married soon, we are invited but it's not in the country we live in and would cost at least 5k to go. We don't have this so are not going, there are no hard feelings at all but it makes me sad I won't be at the wedding. There was original talk of DD being bridesmaid but obviously that can't happen. I also can't go to the hen do, again no hard feelings but every time I see a post on FB about the wedding, or they mention it, it just reminds me again (although i dont show it, this was their choice). I feel guilty for not going although I know I shouldn't. I am very excited and happy for the bride and groom and would have loved to be there. It's also hard when many other family members are going. Part of me thinks the family that is really bothered about (by B and G) can go anyway so it doesn't really matter about the rest but I am fully aware that IABU on that and this is my issue to deal with, not theirs.

I agree with you all re wedding circus. I often wonder how couples post war managed to get married...and stay married without access to such grand affairs.

There is no need to spend so much either for guests or the couple. I do think it's about keeping up with the joneses.

Headof, I think relationships were more real then. You married for love and expected it to last.

Now many just want their big day and floaty dress, partners seems almost "disposable" and vows just a formality that has to be done.

The other thing is, if you offend a load of people by making your wedding an exclusive expensive circus, guests remember for a long time. It just makes sense to consider your guests. I'm not saying a couple shouldn't have the wedding they want, but an uncompromising circus that is expensive for guests is not a win/win for anyone.

I think YANBU to feel sad you can't go especially if you are very close and they would know you wouldn't be able to make it due to finances.

I am all for couples having the wedding they want and some have very good reasons for going abroad but it can send a crap message sometimes. If you decide to do it, you are asking a lot of people to spend a large amount of their household income on you, to prioritizethem over anything they or their own family may need - who can do that easily? and why would you expect them to, it's your wedding you need to suck up the costs. Also, if you know someone will not be able to do it who you are close to, to me its like saying 'yeh, I love you, and I wish you could be there but you're not as important to me as this wedding day I want'. Those that kickoff if people aren't willing to splash out are very unreasonable.

I guess it's a matter of priorities and what is important to you on the day but it is very exclusive.

Hmmm, I married for love and fully expect it to last. But I also had a big day and a floaty dress.

It's not one or the other, even if the prevailing view on MN is that if you wear anything other than tatty jeans, you're heading straight for divorce.

It's nothing to do with what you wear, it's how you treat guests.