To ask my dh to mind the baby while I make a bottle during the night?!?!

[Fuzzyduck21]

Ds is 4 months and wakes crying twice a night for a bottle. He's in a cot next to us. Whole bottle making process takes up to 5 mins if I also wee. Aibu to ask dh to try and comfort him while I make the bottle?! He seems to think so as he gets up for work at 5am. I've just taken ds downstairs to lie under a play gym while I make the bottle as dh has been making such a fuss recently but ds gets very upset and I thought it's kinder to ds to at least try and be comforted... Wonder whether your dh does the same?!

Oh and nothing wrong with MN'ing whilst feeding. I caught up with loads of boxsets when my baby fed.
Though according to some posters on here you should be shoving a broom up your arse so you can sweep the floor whilst preparing a bottle and settling your baby.

There are plenty of constructive ways to tell someone they are BU without being nasty, superior or snide about it. FWIW I think the dh has a point but the OP was getting some horrid responses and I felt sorry for her.

Unfortunately AIBU is seen by some as a free pass to be the arsehole they would never get away with being in RL.

You aren't meant to mumsnet whilst feeding . No wonder DS 9 has turned out so badly - except actually he is fine, despite all the heinous parenting he received when younger .

Honestly some people seem to be forgetting that the OP is a new mum and is exhausted, which makes it slightly harder to think straight. Can posters not remember how they felt after 4 continuous months of shattered sleep? It's fine to make suggestions, but try at least to phrase them helpfully.

Re the bottles - I probably made them up wrong when DS was a baby as well, a solution that should hopefully appease everyone here is that OP could buy the premade cartons. They are expensive but just use them for night feeds.

I mix feed and DS takes an absolute age to settle so I'm up for hours. My DP still gets up and helps though, he insists and gets grumpy if I don't ask him!

DS is BF for about 30 mins then a bottle. He can only get to sleep with BF but he needs a break between the bottle and the boob again.

Over the last 4/5 weeks I can be up for 2/3 hours in the middle of the night before he goes back to sleep! If my DP can give me a 15 minute snooze during that time he will! He'll make the bottle, feed, burp, hold upright for a bit.

Then he goes to sleep while I faff for ages trying to get him to sleep again.

And yes I am about to work on his sleep patterns now he's almost 6 months!

My tips for surviving nightfeeds, when you also have a toddler and no bloody chance of napping:

Furnish DP with a length of string safely attached to the base of the swinging crib, baby can be rocked with the barest movement and no duvet disturbance, a fast jog trot seemed to keep them from going postal while I prepped the milk

Get mini fridge, kettle, clean bottles and all the other paraphanalia in the bedroom wish I'd had a perfect prep machine

Ditto changing facilities

Learn to do the whole process by nightlight (or laptop backlight so you can mn if a slow feeder) keep baby quiet so it goes back to sleep asap

I make no comments on how to safely make bottles quickly but the instructions on the pack take about 30 mins and are quite insane at 3am. I'm not admitting to my solution as both kids survived minifridge may give me away

I simmered for eight months of night feeds with my second, yes he had to get up for work but I had to get up for Ds, drive a car and be responsible for two small children. Why did his sleep need trump mine? I'm still simmering now, but at least I'm well rested. to OP, night feeds will end eventually!

If my DP had woken me up every time it was his night to do bottle feeds to 'help him' I would have been so annoyed. I also wouldn't have been able to function at work and potentially hurt someone.

I also didn't wake him up when he was at work the next day (we worked shifts). Sure I felt tired the next day but I got to stay in the house with the baby which is completely different from commuting to work and having to work 13-15 hours.

I used to use the ready made up formula cartons at night... Just rip the top open, pour into bottle and stick it in.... none of mine really seemed to enjoy warmed milk and used to pull away until it ooled down, even though it was right temperature / not too hot. In the end I literally went to bed with a sterilized bottle next to bed with cap on and a carton on the bedside table. So much easier!

Did take me about 4-6 months to work it out though as I was so tired sometimes it was too much effort to work out which way round my pants went on, let alone work out other ways to feed baby in the middle of the night!

Shantotto. I have to say that sounds awful, what would happen if you just formula fed at night and put baby straight down??

IMO, whoever's turn it is to get up and do the night feeds that night, is best to leave the other parent to get a good night's sleep - so they take the baby with them. You one night, dh the next.... that way, when it's not your night, you get the chance of some proper, deep, uninterrupted sleep.

Unimaginativename - it's pretty knackering as he will rarely settle before 9/10 so don't have much evening time either!

I do it as I was so upset BF didn't work properly! Now he's about to start weaning I might stop and just BF morning / night.

Problem seems to be he is just so so difficult to settle to sleep! Bottles of milk just don't seem to make him sleepy. We try hard not engage too much but he loves to kick and play and chat from 3.30-5.00!

YANBU, but make the bottle(s) the night before and stick in the fridge. 30 seconds the microwave and it's ready.

Some hideousnposts esp snidey 'don't you put the baby down all day?' I'm probably speaking from my current PND fog but glad when I posted recently I didn't get any of these comments.
Not everyone has easy chilled babies who just eat sleep and play. DH is getting up with me at night because of my PND means I get anxiety/panic attacks and he helps
Make bottle and settle baby when she wakes outside of feeding times. I'm awake too but less anxious knowing there's two of us dealing with it. He also looks after her on his overnight for the weekend so I can sleep. So actually I'm the only one getting a full nights sleep at the moment. He is amazing and I'm so grateful because at one point I really did want to just walk in front of a bus just to get away from the baby (clearly
Not thinking straight).

Please please can we just be more considerate with our posts

I agree with crystal parents come on here for helpful advice not to be made to feel like shit

Button to be fair the OP has had helpful advice which have helped her reach a very good solution - she posted it at 10:32

"Thanks all some good suggestions. Going to suggest dh sleeps in another room during the week in turn for him sterilising all the bottles ready for the day in the morning plus weekend night feeds etc. Think that's about fair. "

All splendid.

Then a few posters over egged the "well yes you are being a bit unreasonable because there is no point at all in both of you being up for every feed and therefore both permanently tired - why don't you use ready made cartons or various other methods and take it in turns to do nights so that both of you get uninterrupted sleep on different nights" general tone with more caustic replies and a pointless debate on whether sah or work is easier ( the correct answer is, as everybody actually knows if they get off their soap box - it depends on the job and the baby and the adult's personality among other variables).

There are specific infant feeding topics available for helpful advice - but OP asked whether she was unreasonable and although many people felt she was because it is not a 2 person job to feed one baby, they still gave her useful advice in many cases.

So broadly speaking it is indeed worth posting for useful advice - if that was the objective it has been achieved. If the objective was universal overwhelming support and agreement that it is reasonable for both parents to do every night feed together then no, there was no point posting. I don't think that was the OP's sole objective, though of course everyone likes being told they are right...

However you divide the night shift (and I agree it should be divided) it has always seemed like madness to me that both rather than one be disturbed each time the baby cries. Personally l used to cover the 11pm and 2am feeds and dh took over from 5am - but I don't think it matters how you share it as long as you do.

Of course your right you put together a very good, reasonable post, but it doesn't stop the snide remarks creeping in, I know this is AIBU, but it always strikes me as odd when adults feel the need, or at least feel ok, by putting other parents down. We all do things differently when it comes to parenting, I just find it odd sometimes on mn that's all.

OP
My DH tried the 'I'm up at 5, do you want me to have an accident' line.
I tried the 'I'm up at 12, 3 and 5. I can arrange the accident or just be a single parent if I'm going to act like one' line. It soon kicked in.

Leave him to kick and play!

That routine has been learn and needs fixing!

We do a formula, wind, straight down ( with Ewan the sheep) he will talk to himself. Then fall back asleep.

Yes we try that too but he gets very upset and I don't like to leave him!

He's teething like crazy which doesn't help. I'm very slowly working my way through no cry sleep solution so here's hoping! If we can help learn go settle when we first put him down that'll help with being awake in the night hopefully.

YABVU

So during the day when baby naps, you can nap, but your DH will still be at work. But even if not sleeping you can lounge about with a baby. He has to concentrate at work. And is having to get up at 5am.

I'm of the view that if you're up you may as well do it all, no point both of you getting up. All the more so if he has to get up to work and you don't.

you should be able to do it all yourself: comforting, getting bottle ready, feeding, burping etc. agree

When my DC was small I would make up the two night feed bottles before bed, cool them down and put them in the fridge. Then when baby woke I could just warm it slightly and saved a lot of the time. I don't know if they still do them but we were given a machine (possibly Avent) that had a cool box with a purposely curved ice pack inside made to fit two bottles then had a heating component, meaning you could keep them cool and warm up without even leaving bed. That was a lifesaver!

So during the day when baby naps, you can nap

^^ total rubbish. I hardly knew any mums who could actually nap like this

Also lounging around isn't enough to feel recovered. Sleeps what's needed. It's fine for him to wake and do one of the feeds/soothing. You can do the other two.

Sleep deprivation is awful

We had something like this, Im now pg again and will be using this again if I need to FF or EBM at any point.
Although I do understand many prefer to make each bottle from scratch!