To ask my dh to mind the baby while I make a bottle during the night?!?!

[Fuzzyduck21]

Ds is 4 months and wakes crying twice a night for a bottle. He's in a cot next to us. Whole bottle making process takes up to 5 mins if I also wee. Aibu to ask dh to try and comfort him while I make the bottle?! He seems to think so as he gets up for work at 5am. I've just taken ds downstairs to lie under a play gym while I make the bottle as dh has been making such a fuss recently but ds gets very upset and I thought it's kinder to ds to at least try and be comforted... Wonder whether your dh does the same?!

So i've just read formula guidelines that you should make a fresh bottle for each feed. When did that start and who thought up this torture? I used to make 6 at a time and keep them in the fridge.

There is no need for either of you to get up. By your bed have a flask of boiled hot water, some boiled cooled water and ready measured formula. As soon as you hear baby slightly stir make bottle using hot water to kill bugs then top up with cooled water. Feed baby before screaming and put them back to bed before anybody properly wakes up.

I have no kids so feel free to ignore me but I can't help but feel that if he's working and you're on Mat leave then you should do all the night stuff in the week and he at the weekend.

We used to have the cooled boiled water already in the bottles. Formula pre-measured out in containers so all we had the do was add together at the time. We have twins though so we both had one each and we did feeding every 4 hours from day 1 so we didn't have screaming babies in the middle of the night. Worked for us, might not work for all.

I agree with others about changing how you make bottles. Done good suggestions here already on how to do that.

I used to use the little ready made cartons. Sterilised bottle on the side, some scissors and I put the carton in bed with me so it was warm!

I would never expect my husband to wake up during the night to help when hes at work at 5 your on mat leave for a reason. Weekends are different and there are other times when he can help. My DH goes to bed later than me so would do the late feed and then i would do the middle of the Night feed, if the baby was up before he went to work he would have everything ready along with a cuppa. Don't take the mickey out of him. Theres nothing worse been woken up for 5 minutes and struggling to get back to sleep.

Regardless of the rights and wrongs of your DH helping in the night, its a bit silly for two adults to wake up fully to feed one baby (unless the crying wakes you both fully, in which case I assume your DH wouldn't be making such a fuss).

Can't you pop him into a sling or swing or bouncy chair while you make the bottle?

I'd make a lot more sense for you (while on maternity leave) to do all the feeds on nights he is getting up at 5am next day, and him to do one or both weekend nights (or whichever nights he does not have to be up early for work) feeds and let you sleep at least one full night.

When you go back to work you re-adjust so that you are doing an equal share, or pro-rata if one of you is full and one part time

I admit I breast fed so didn't have to make bottles up, and on the flip side couldn't share night feeds, but both parents waking to do feeds seems really impractical and a bit silly.

I would definitely share night feeds (and did). I would go to sleep at 9pm and he'd do the first night feed at 11ish before coming to bed. Then I'd get up for the one at around 3am. But that was in the days when you gave babies cold formula because the advice wasn't as good. You could find a way of sharing it that works though. Nobody can get a proper night's sleep with a baby but it gets easier.
I always think those people who find maternity leave easier than work must have much easier babies than me!! I have a fairly stressful job but it was a blessed relief when I went back. Leaving DH on his own with the baby occasionally made him realise that pretty quickly too!

Yabu, having to be awake and doing something for 5 mins would leave me awake for hours, not just the 5 minutes.

Thanks everyone have taken on board the different ways to do the bottles so will give that a go and see what new things he can now find to complain about ;)

For those who said they haven't met a baby that goes from sleeping to screaming in less time than it takes to make a feed haven't met my ds! Both dh and I are very impatient so he has inherited this gene two fold haha.

At the risk of being slated (and I appreciate that at 2am you were p*ed off at having no support) but babies benefit from having the full attention and interaction from the person feeding them. Eye contact and verbal interaction during feeding time is vital in providing stimulation and developing bonds. Use this time to strengthen the bond with your baby rather than being distracted and diverting your attention to MN. Some of the answers may also have reinforced your anger/upset if in agreement. Or wound you up more if sympathetic to DH. Your baby is sensitive to your demeanour and will pick up on how you feel accordingly.
Likewise your DH should give his full attention to your baby when (if) he feeds your baby.

I think that waking up two people for a one person job is inefficient if you can possibly avoid it.

However, the otherwise brilliant solution suggested above of adding prescooped powder to preboiled and cooled water (which I did with my own DC back in the dark ages) is now not considered safe enough because the powdered milk cannot be guaranteed safe unless you put some really hot water on it to kill any of the bugs that might be in there.

Personally I'd use ready-to-use individual cartons of aptamil for night feeds but the two thermos hot and cold solution above can also work.

As I was breastfeeding, it was a bit more obvious which one of us was getting up, but we actively decided that DH should NOT get up, unless it was obvious that I was having trouble (i.e. baby is still crying 5 mins later) or if I asked for him to get up and help me.

Far more in my interest to have him fully rested and on it the next day than for both of us to be wrecked. Babies are horrific, but for a normal feed with no colic/illness involved there is no real reason for two adults to get up during the night.

And whilst I agree that babies need as much attention and verbal interaction as possible, not at two in the morning they don't. What babies need you to be at 2am is responsive to their key physical and emotional needs but otherwise really really really boring.

My dh is very good. For easiness we use the 200ml aptamil bottles for night feeds. Just keep it and a bottle beside bed - you could pee and prepare it in 60 seconds. Yanbu though, so what he gets up at 5 - does he think u sit on your arse and rest all day??

20apples full interaction and eye contact during feeds is for day time only surely? Mine would never have gone back to sleep if I had done that - dark room, very little talking, back to sleep asap during the night back in the day in this house!

I'm a single parent so did it all, I really recommend setting up a feeding station in your bedroom - it makes the process a lot smoother.

Okay I was coming in here to comment about your situation but 20applepies your sanctimommy post has made my blood boil ..... do you really believe that was a remotely reasonable response ? If your self esteem is so low you have to resort to a silly out if context post like that to push someone else down to build yourself up I the belief you are superior then get counselling .. . Please

Op it's tough ... my dh is up at 4.30 for work and works eighteen hour days so I try to do the night work with both ds (7 weeks and 3 years) but it would never occur to dh not to help in terms scenario you describe. .... He is the parent too so he sees it as his responsibility to comfort them if im indisposed for any reason

To be generous have you tried talking to him about it when it's not 3 am? Only because I know I get ranty then and am more likely to kick dh in the leg rather than communicate properly
However at the bottom line he is by waking in the night is part of having a baby and a few minutes to help are not going to kill him. ... He needs to suck it up

Make up a bottle before you go to bed. Pop it in a thermal bottle bag and stick it on your bedside. Baby wakes up- instant bottle.

If you make them as you go- take a bottle of hot water to bed and a tub scooped out formula to the correct amount. Baby wakes up. Chuck formula in hot water. Shake. Instant bottle.

I never try to be deliberately harsh on mn but honestly, this is so easily solved it's daft!

It would infuriate me (and did on many occasion ) that partners can just sleep through it all and shirk any responsibility at night having been at work all day and been no use then as a result of that, either.

but if I woke up there seemed little point in waking dp up as well. silly us both being awake and tired when it takes such a short time to do.

DH does any night feeds before about 1am, then I do the rest. He's out of the house by 6:30am.

With dd I breast fed so dh did little at night, which was fine.

I could breast feed ds, due to an operation I had had. So dh did the first feed and I did the second. But he didn't start work until 11am. Dh also doesn't fall asleep until about 1am and I am an early bird so it worked well.

It would depend on on what his job is too. Some jobs are really dangerous if you don't sleep.

These early months are a case of getting through as best you can.

Personally I prefer it if one is up and the other asleep. No need for both to be awake.

As for the screaming for a bottle as soon as they are awake. My ds did. My mum also said dbro did. Making a bottle while he screamed was a nightmare. I took ready made mile cartons up to bed and had it set up upstairs so a bottle could be ready asap. It was really stressful.

Even when he was being weaned if the food ran out and he wanted more he would scream, if he saw an empty bowl. At almost 5 he is really grumpy when hungry. We have started meeting him at school with a snack, because if not he is miserable until we get home for food.

We just naturally fell into that by the way ^^ If the baby stirs before 1am I ignore and if DH doesn't get up I kick him.

I couldn't breast feed ds

Mmmm - yes he should pull his weight with the baby - but in those sleep-deprived early months, I really think that having both of you awake during the night feeds is a bit unnecessary. You need to both maximise your sleep when you have a 4mth old waking twice in the night, and I do sympathise with him if he's up at 5am too. Can he do night feeds at weekends (or whenever not working the next day) to give you a break?

Hopefully the bottle-making-up advice will make things a bit smoother for you, and make this a non-issue. I bf, so I was lumbered with all the night feeds have no experience of making up bottles in the middle of the night!

20 no eye contact with my dds as thy were bf. If I hadn't read a book/done some mn-img, I would have fallen asleep. Talking would have woken her up. Hardly appropriate, your advice. And it's easy to say that from other other side - I'm assuming you don't have a baby right now. Some nights I was awake for a total of 3-4 hours. Fucking boring, that.