To ask my dh to mind the baby while I make a bottle during the night?!?!

[Fuzzyduck21]

Ds is 4 months and wakes crying twice a night for a bottle. He's in a cot next to us. Whole bottle making process takes up to 5 mins if I also wee. Aibu to ask dh to try and comfort him while I make the bottle?! He seems to think so as he gets up for work at 5am. I've just taken ds downstairs to lie under a play gym while I make the bottle as dh has been making such a fuss recently but ds gets very upset and I thought it's kinder to ds to at least try and be comforted... Wonder whether your dh does the same?!

I wasn't saying he should get up, but how hard is it to have baby next to you for two minutes while mum goes to make the milk up? Put your hand on the baby to soothe them and keep your eyes closed until mum is back with the milk.

What's the other option? Mum juggles baby and tries to make fresh formula with boiling water, while her own eyes are probably half closed, then stumbles back into bed with the milk to feed?

Or she gets up, grabs baby to lie next to dad who pats/cuddles in his sleep and then goes to get the milk and is back feeding baby in a couple of minutes.

Third way would be to leave baby screaming in bed while mum got milk. Then let's see how long dad stays asleep.

We fed expressed milk and we did it the second way. DH is a light sleeper anyway, so he would have been awake if we did #3, and #1 would have woken DS up too much and he would have been hard to get back to bed after feeding.

I used to use the ready made cartons at night,keept in bedroom and given at room temp. Or sometimes make the formula up and keep in fridge and chuck in the microwave. But im lazy

What job does he do? What time does he go to bed?

My DH did his fair share of night time stuff when ours were tiny, yes I 'could' manage by myself if I had to (and did - DH worked shifts so plenty of nights when it was just me) - the only times he'd sleep through were if he was working with guns the next day, as its important to be fully alert obvs.

So unless your DH job involves nuclear stuff, firearms, or operating on people, he should STFU imo.

for you - its hard with a small baby and you are doing a great job

kp86 people have made plenty of other suggestions that the OP could do without waking her partner.

To a certain extent, none of this really matters, does it? What we do or did do has no bearing on the OP or her DH. It's not working for her as it currently is. They need to find something that does.

Yes. That is why i brought up the point about making in advance and heating up in the microwave, and it being fine to do so. You can be down and up in about 60 seconds if you do that.

Also, I think this is the first time I have ever been described as a 'martyr' when it comes to child rearing!

*To be fair being at home with a baby all day is IME way harder than being at work all day.

I don't know why people see mat leave as some sort of big fun holiday, it isn't.*

No it's not some big fun holiday, but assuming it's your first child and you're not running around after other children, school runs, activities etc, then it is definitely easier than being at work. Especially if you have a demanding job. If the OP has a bad night with baby, she can chill the next day, leave the housework and take naps when the baby does . . . her DH doesn't have that option.

I think it is totally unreasonable to ask someone who has to be up for work early to be up in the night with the baby. Loads of good suggestions on here as to how you can make the night feeding process easier on yourself, it's definitely not a two person job and what's the sense in you both being tired?

He can help when he's not working or if you are particularly struggling, but not as a regular thing. If I'm woken in the night I can't get back to sleep straight away and sometimes not for ages.

Isn't it about balance? I don't think both getting up is the answer so look for a solution that means you both get a good chunk of sleep.

We used to do that by me going to bed early and dh looking after baby until last feed and then me doing the night feeds until the 7am feed which dh would do and put baby back down to sleep again.

I was lucky with my first because he was a good sleeper. With my second not so good and I had a toddler.

It really does depend on each individual set up but it's important to reassess how you do things.

For me,being at work is a lot harder when tired. Being at home was tiring but also a lot more enjoyable!!

I've never ffd, nothing wrong with it, it was just my choice, so I've never had this situation. It is, however, massively selfish. How can he leave his baby to cry.

I can't believe how many people think this is your job only. I would expect it to be shared, Even if your DH is working all day. My DS was a colicky refluxy unputdownable baby... Being at home with him all day was much harder work than going to the office, we shared it all and still do now he's 19 months and still waking frequently. I appreciate all people and allbabies are different but I think the minumum would be for your DH to do it on a Friday and sat night. I also appreciate I have a particularly amazing DH.

Slightly off topic, but this thread highlights how many people don't make bottles up according to guidelines, which is not safe.

Op if you are spending only 5 minutes making up a bottle you can't be following guidelines either, this would take about half an hour.

Some things that aren't safe:

1. Making bottles in advance (good breeding ground for bacteria)
2. Making bottles with cooled boiled water (the powder is not sterile, and requires 70c water to make safe)

If a bottle is made at 70 it will take at least 10 minutes to cool to a drinkable temperature.

Firstly, buy a Perfect Prep.

Secondly, there's no need for 2 people to do a night feed. My DH and I took shifts overnight so we were both getting a decent stretch of sleep. DH would do the 1/2am feed, I'd get up at 5am. Easy. We'd only get up to help if DS was really screaming the place down and it was obvious that something was wrong. We live in a flat, so all on one level and the kitchen/living room isn't far to go from the bedroom so we'd just take DS as soon as he started fussing (or quickly nip to the loo if we needed to, luckily he would fuss and chew on his hands for ages before going into meltdown mode), go into the kitchen where we had everything ready to quickly make a bottle (oh Perfect Prep, how I love thee), feed him on the sofa (very boring, no eye contact!), then take him back into the bedroom to sleep. Worked a treat, we were both tired, but neither of us was properly sleep deprived, which is as good as you're going to get with a baby.

Since your DH has to be up at 6 anyway, how about he goes to bed early, you do the 11 & 2 feeds (or whatever they are) and he does the early morning one and stay up, letting you sleep? Once you get used to it, it's not that bad. I assume he's home around 3/4pm so he can have an hours nap or so when he gets home if he's that exhausted from it.

I don't buy the concept that because the man is out earning the money he shouldn't have to do any night feeds or caring for baby when he's at home. Maternity leave is no holiday and you don't get a break. What about when/if you go back to work, who will do the nightly get-ups (not every child sleeps though at 9 months +), will it still be you since that's the routine, or will it be shared? Better to have a fair system in place from day 1.

Not if you blast the powder with the hot water. then top up with cold.

(pre boiled of course)

I made a bottle in advance before I went to bed (I know, I know) then pinged in the microwave for 30 secs. When the baby woke up, both DH and I would wake up anyway so one of us would nip downstairs, grab the bottle and back up, while the other picked up and snuggled DD. Then the one who was snuggling fed the baby while the other went back to sleep. We each had a turn of staying at home and working full-time while the baby was small, and agreed that being tired at work is much easier than being tired and having to look after a baby...

How is being home way harder,unless you have additional DC you have the option to nap to recover from night feeds. You cannot expect someone working to he helping or doing the night feeds then do a full shift then come home and help. Theres plenty of rest periods during the day.

Sorry OP but I feel YABU.

Only one person needs to have their sleep disrupted at a time - that way the other person is more rested and able to do their share.

We did split shifts and then when I found that I was getting too tired that way, DH did the weekend wakings and one night during the week.

Your baby is crying because he/she is hungry, the key thing is to remedy this as quickly as possible, also the advice I got for night feeding was to keep it as low key as possible, if there's lights on, cuddles with other parent and lots of fun to be had whilst waiting for milk then the baby learns that waking up in the night is great and might do more of it.

notimefortossers see I found the opposite. Staying at home looking after babies is pretty easy ,IME .Much easier than getting up at 5.30, doing an hour commute on public transport, being on my feet for 10 hours often without a break, then having to come home and do housework and childcare.It really depends on the job, commute and level of responsibility required. A lot of employers certainly won't be happy if the employee isn't alert.
I've had 3 babies, pretty average (no reflux or any serious problems, admittedly) ,did 99% of the childcare myself, and never found it really hard work at all. I am genuinely baffled when I read things like childcare is the hardest job in the world. Someone on the first page said 'babies are horrific'. WTF?

I would let DH sleep so at least one of us could function the next day. I could sleep in the day but he can't so I didn't wake him. At weekends we shared all the jobs.

Mine are all older now and it was perfectly acceptable to make a batch of bottles up before bed and whack one in the microwave when needed! I never expected DH to get up during night feeds as he had to work the next day, if he woke he might sit and chat while I fed, but I wouldn't have been bothered if he slept through it.

hibbledibble - I work with babies and it's crazy how many parents think making bottles up with cool, pre-boiled water is OK is quite shocking. Maybe it's because HCPs aren't supposed to discuss formula feeding, but at the same time the correct instructions are on the tin, so I'm not sure why it happens so much.

rookie makes a good point about stimulation. Two adults getting up would be extra stimulation. I read some good advice once- make night feeds as boring and low key as possible so your baby is just waking for milk in a dark room and not fully lit cuddles and chat that wakes them up for longer.

I BF all three of mine but had I FF I would have bought a little ready made bottle for the night feed and taken a sterilised bottle up to bed then you just have to pour it in! I do realise they are expensive but I think worth it at 2am.

My DH had NEVER got up in the night & I send him to the spare room if baby is unsettlef but he more than does his fair share in other ways. Will get up and dress, feed and take out our 4yo and 2yo so I can go back to sleep etc. Housework, cooks, it works for us.

we had one who fed every half hour pretty much for 20 minutes each time!!!! SO as we ended up bottle feeding for medical reasons I used to go to bed very early and hubby would deal with her until 11/midnight and then he would get his sleep and I would be up with her. that way both of us managed to get some rest and still be able to function the next day.

I think ybu there's no need for both to be up.

Hold crying baby whilst making bottle... easy...there's no screact to it.

Long as he Is doing his share if full night feeds at the weekend then there's noting matryay about doing it

I do all night feeds on weekdays and my DH does the night feeds at the weekend. I know I would struggle to get up at 5am to go to work if I was helping with feeds in the week, so I don't expect him to.

Of course he is disturbed a little bit by the crying and if I can't get the baby back to sleep fairly quickly, he will wake up and help, but I do try to keep him as quiet as possible and he does the same for me at the weekends.

I use the ready made formula bottles and just keep them next to the bed with a couple of sterilised bottles. It takes two seconds to pour them and feed the baby and I can have him back to sleep in around 5 minutes.