To ask my dh to mind the baby while I make a bottle during the night?!?!

[Fuzzyduck21]

Ds is 4 months and wakes crying twice a night for a bottle. He's in a cot next to us. Whole bottle making process takes up to 5 mins if I also wee. Aibu to ask dh to try and comfort him while I make the bottle?! He seems to think so as he gets up for work at 5am. I've just taken ds downstairs to lie under a play gym while I make the bottle as dh has been making such a fuss recently but ds gets very upset and I thought it's kinder to ds to at least try and be comforted... Wonder whether your dh does the same?!

If he has to work and you are a sham then yabu

No it's not some big fun holiday, but assuming it's your first child and you're not running around after other children, school runs, activities etc, then it is definitely easier than being at work.

I don't agree. I've had a much, much easier time doing my job than looking after a baby.

Thanks all some good suggestions. Going to suggest dh sleeps in another room during the week in turn for him sterilising all the bottles ready for the day in the morning plus weekend night feeds etc. Think that's about fair.

For all those who have said it's in some way easier for me as I can sleep in the day - I wish. Ds will only nap on me and while I have tried napping with him on me I just can't fall asleep. So I go the whole day with zero extra sleep. Just FYI! And if this makes me a shit mum as I can't manage to get my ds to sleep during the day on his own then I am sure I will be told about it ;)

Noeffingidea - you must have had some chilled dcs.

Depends on the baby. I'd say mine is averagely demanding and I find it much easier than being at work.
It's tiring, yes, but not psychologically stressful like my (hideous) job is. At work I often have to deal with very difficult people, my boss is a she-devil and I am often up at 3 am to deal with sites in Asia then having to stay late because my hideous USA based boss has no concept of time zones....

However, I can see that having a high needs/poorly/disabled baby could easily be much harder than going to work.

Depends on your job, and depends on the baby.

So do you not put this baby down at all during the day?

Birdie85 why do you think the OP's DH gets back from work at 3pm because he is up at 6am? I would usually be up at 5am and not back from work until around 8pm. It's a long day with no sleep during the night as well. I can't think properly if I don't have my sleep. I would be a total disaster at work making any sort of decision. Getting home at 8pm certainly doesn't leave much time for napping when you get in... It's hardly enough time to cook and eat dinner.

It's not unreasonable to do the night feeds if you're not working the next day. I am on maternity now and of course it's ridiculously hard work and in many ways I'd rather be back at work because it would be easier. But I do have the option to skip a baby group and nap during the day if I get desperate, my DH doesn't.

A new system can come into place if night feeds are still needed with the OP goes back to work. No point both being extra tired before she returns to work for no reason!

I don't know why I bother coming on here for support when I get responses like that.

I won't bother reading any more now. Thanks for making me feel even more shit than I did before. Hope you're proud of yourself.

maybebabybee that may be true, but can you nap during the day when you're back at work?

Mine does the same Fuzzyduck21. Can you gently move him on the sofa to continue snoozing after he's fallen asleep on you? I find if I wait 10 mins or so he's in a deep enough sleep so I can very gently move him off of me and leave him to it!

If you can't nap during the day go and have a sleep when dh gets home. It's worth looking at your whole routine and figuring out where sleep fits in for you!

This time will pass and gradually you will get more sleep overnight too!

Sounds like you have got a reasonable compromise OP.

I used to do all night feeds in the week when I was on mat leave, DH used to help out at weekends. DD was BF but needed a formula top up at each feed, so worst of both worlds as I always had to get up no matter what! DH fed the top ups at the weekend though so I could go back to sleep faster. We also used ready made cartons at night, soooo much easier, you don't have to get out of bed!

Tip for resting in the day; my DD would only ever sleep on my as well, but, she would sometimes sleep next to me. So I would make sure my bed was safe for cosleeping (no duvet, flat surface etc etc), feed her to sleep while lying down with her on my chest, then sort of roll to the side while keeping her in contact with my body so she didn't feel like I had put her down. Then I could sleep or at least rest while she did.

Could you have water and powder ready by the bed? Could boil the water and put in bottles and put in a thermos pack by the bed. Should then still be warm to mix with powder when baby wakes up. I am so lazy I don't think I could be bothered to go to the kitchen twice a night!!! Haven't had a baby for a while so am unsure whether the guidelines for making up bottles is the same!

If you are getting up anyway to feed your baby it seems a shame that he has to wake up too. Could he do some of the weekend night feeds instead to give you a break? Also can you take turns to have a lie in a the weekend to give you both a rest?

I wasn't meaning to be unsupportive, sorry!

I think the idea of either a prep machine or flasks by the bed is a good idea.

I'm in mat leave and I do all the night wakings if dh is at work. Over Christmas when he was off he did night changes and brought ds back to bed for me to feed (I bf.)

We are also trying to give either other some 'baby free' time of a few hours once a week. That works quite well for us.

I am tired but I don't have to do much in the day that's affected by tiredness so I'm ok with this. If I was ff-ing I'd ask dh to do one whole night a week and sleep in the spare room one night.

can you nap during the day when you're back at work?

I can actually, we have a nap room. I do realise this is not the norm though!

Don't be upset OP. There are some hideous smart arses on here who have nothing better to do than judge and put others down. Just ignore.

I'm currently on mat leave with my first whilst my dh works Mon-Friday. I generally take on the midweek night burden as I don't like my DH driving when too tired. It's generally not that simple though as he has always been better with less sleep than me and if I'm struggling, he insists on helping. I just try to make life easier with ready made bottles etc.

As for the "you can just sleep during the day" comments, aye that's fucking great if you have a baby who will sleep on her own for more than 20 mins.

It depends. If you are a SAHM then YABU.
Let the baby cry downstairs while you make the bottle.

My OH does the two feeds when he gets home 5pm and 8pm, I bath baby and cook dinner and put him to bed.

I feel better then, we only ever had 1/2 night feeds and now baby sleeps through.

I still get him to do two other feeds

OP - I was very frequently on MN when I was up throughout the night with my baby, it was the only way to ensure I didn't fall asleep.

I actually got chatting to lots of other women in the Sleep forum and every night we'd 'meet up' in the forum, be it 11pm, 2am or 4am and all moan about our babies who wouldn't sleep. We ended up starting our own little secret FB group called "Night Feeders" and over a year later we still chat to each other every day

I'm with your DH.

But really, sort the bottles out the night before so much easier. If you don't want to leave them in the fridge then get a flask or bottle making machine (never heard of this..?)

There's nothing wrong with mn'ing while feeding. I used to listen to the radio (pre smartphone days!) or watch tv as I just needed to put my head in a different space. Sometimes it feels like that's the only 'me' time you get to be able to sit down and do something non-baby (even though baby is there!!)

^I don't know why I bother coming on here for support when I get responses like that.

I won't bother reading any more now. Thanks for making me feel even more shit than I did before. Hope you're proud of yourself.^

To be fair, it's AIBU, not chat. AIBU is not known for unanimous support from all posters.

Italics fail

The reason AIBU is not known for support is because some posters see it an excuse to have a go and belittle the OP.
AIBU as a topic isn't the problem. The posters who post things, without a thought for the exhausted mum on the other side of the pc, are the problem.
OP what you have suggested sounds good. If that still doesn't work then discuss it again with your DH. Sleep deprivation can be torture, the sheer relentless cycle of feeding/nappies 24/7 can wear many people down.
to you

The reason AIBU is not known for support is because some posters see it an excuse to have a go and belittle the OP.
AIBU as a topic isn't the problem. The posters who post things, without a thought for the exhausted mum on the other side of the pc, are the problem.
OP what you have suggested sounds good. If that still doesn't work then discuss it again with your DH. Sleep deprivation can be torture, the sheer relentless cycle of feeding/nappies 24/7 can wear many people down.
to you