It's a pity that some sections of the thread have focused on how I plan to have a baby and not on advice, but I'll try to explain.
I feel any sort of fertility treatment, or other 'contentious' medical treatment (euthanasia, abortion) is going to divide opinions and that is fine: it would be boring if we all agreed on the same things.
However, and I have asked Mumsnet about the possibility of a board for donor conception, it isn't fair to start this discussion when that's not the main point or purpose of a thread. For instance, if somebody said 'we are having these work issues and going through the adoption process' I think we'd all agree somebody saying 'actually OP I don't agree with adoption ... OP are you sure you want to adopt as my friends sisters colleagues did and it was awful' would not be very helpful!
I do feel there are parallels here, with abortion - if someone posts saying they have an abortion booked and what to expect, then giving your view would be wrong.
Now - in my defence. No, I don't have thousands upon thousands in the bank. But I have a qualification which means I'll never be out of work. I also have a steady job at the moment, anyway assets in terms of property and a real ability to make things work.
I can't offer my child a father. In an ideal world, I would. In an ideal world, there would be mummy and daddy and a black Labrador and it would all be great.
But I don't live in an ideal world, I live in my world. And what do I have to offer a child?
The basics, absolutlely. Child will never be cold, never be hungry, never not have a decent pair of shoes, never not have a coat. How do I know? Because I'd suffer the above a thousand times over before I stuffed one piece of non organic vegetables down that child's throat :)
But more than that - love, in bucket loads. This child will mean more to me than I could ever put into words, and I'm sure you all feel the same about your children, so all I ask is you don't deny me the joys of motherhood because I haven't met a knight on a white steed. Actually, I'd probably make more of a fuss of the steed.
But also, all that child will ever know is love, stability, calmness, his or her needs putting first and a cheerful and resilient approach to life.
I know there are ideal situations, but for some of us who are single or in same sex relationships or have fertility problems, sperm or egg donation is the only way we would get to experience parenthood.
Someone said up thread they couldn't think of anything worse than telling a child they literally have no father. I can. I think telling a child their father can't see them because he routinely beat up their mother, doesn't want to see them as he just doesn't care, did want to see them but has a new family now, are worse.
Sometimes perfect situations happen - you meet a lovely man and you're both in well paid jobs and you own a beautiful home and a black Labrador or a collie and you wonder why everyone can't be the same as you.
Other times, perfect situations change. We didn't have a black Labrador, but a lovely home in the country, mum desperate for babies, loving dad, well paid and professional. Cancer and special needs and alcoholism and nervous breakdowns couldn't be kept out though. Cancer doesn't give a stuff if you're in a professional role. Alcoholism doesn't note your middle class credentials (though it may ensure you drink white wine rather than white lightning.)
Other times, and this is my situation, your situation isn't perfect but it's enough. It's a home, and it's warm and it's clean and it's welcoming. It's a job, and it's shite not ideal but you'll manage. It's only one of you, but you've enough love and devotion and determination for an army.
If I could make a wish, it would be for people to understand that their role isn't undermined because in some contexts it isn't necessary. I grew up without grandparents: they died. I survived and was happy without them. That doesn't undermine the key and wonderful role grandparents play in their grandchildrens upbringing. Love is love, whether it's from mum, dad, granny, auntie, family friend.
I feel I would be a lovely mum. All I want is a chance to prove that without being judged.