Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To quit my job and try for a baby

157 replies

otterlylovely · 14/01/2016 17:45

Insane, or perfectly logical?

If you knew you wanted a baby and then your situation at work became untenable - what would you do?

OP posts:
LeaLeander · 14/01/2016 18:09

What is your age?

Have you taken a good hard look at all the 'lone parent' postings and steeled yourself for the particular difficulties of that role? not just the first few hectic years but the long-term ramifications for your child of being brought up without a father? Not to mention the expense - providing for it for 20 years while saving for your own long-term security and old age is a daunting prospect. Especially if you are not happy in your job.

Not to be a downer but it's an irrevocable decision once the child is born. You owe it the best possible circumstances for happiness.

Original poster
otterlylovely · 14/01/2016 18:10

Well, yes, and I have done so, but I don't have time to consider this at length. I'm not being fired. made redundant.

OP posts:
Original poster
otterlylovely · 14/01/2016 18:11

I really don't want this to turn into a 'don't have a baby alone' thread, if you don't mind, and I hope that comes over politely and not snappily, but I've been pursuing this for six years now - I haven't just decided to do so on a whim!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 14/01/2016 18:12

Sounds like you cannot afford it just now.

Original poster
otterlylovely · 14/01/2016 18:12

I'll never be able to afford it, then.

OP posts:
jaffajiffy · 14/01/2016 18:13

My view: make career decisions with career criteria. Make child decisions with child criteria. You might end up staying in a crap job while you have three miscarriages and then be told you're actually infertile. Then you might resign and get and stay pregnant just at the "wrong" time

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 14/01/2016 18:13

I wouldn't advise anyone to quit their job and try for a baby - married, in a relationship, on their own. You need to keep your options open imho. Becoming pg isn't a given.

Redundancy is different though. Will you have much of a pay-out? How long do you think you could keep going for, with redundancy and your other p/t job?

RudeElf · 14/01/2016 18:14

Ok so its not really a question of should you quit and TTC, its really should you TTC at this time having being made redundant.

I say go for it. But look for another job too.

Original poster
otterlylovely · 14/01/2016 18:14

I won't be made redundant - it's a bit of a complicated situation and I realise that will grate as you will understandably feel it's difficult to advise without having a full picture, but I also hope you will appreciate I can't share everything on such a public website Flowers

OP posts:
AutumnLeavesArePretty · 14/01/2016 18:15

Of course you will, just not on a part time job of a few hours a day.

You don't say why your last two jobs have been short stint, only that this third one is redundancy (quick news since your last post re your job). You need to find something stable that covers your costs.

Life isn't handed to you on a plate, you have to be able to afford the things you want.

If this is something you have been considering over the last six years then that's ample time for a single person to build up savings. Especially as you've had two jobs at points.

Zorigami · 14/01/2016 18:17

Looking for a new job might be a better starting place. My SIL has been TTC for a long time - she gave up work in the belief less stress might help. It did in the end, but took ages. If you find a new job, you may be able to get enhance mat pay again by the time you successfully have a child. Though, it also depends on your age. If you are 40+ I think I'd approach it differently to 25+.

juneau · 14/01/2016 18:18

I think, if it was me and I was facing lone motherhood, I'd want as much money and stability as possible. So giving up work at this point really isn't a good idea. Particularly as it can take ages to get pregnant, and especially when you don't have sperm on tap at home. I can't help feeling that you could be living in poverty for months or even years while you go through all the rigmarole of artificial insemination - and what if it doesn't work? All those hours at home alone agonising over every little symptom would be enough to drive anyone nuts. I'd look for a new job, if I was you, and then go ahead with the fertility stuff when that's sorted. The new job will give you something to take your mind off the fertility stuff and keep you busy while you wait for your baby to be conceived/born.

RudeElf · 14/01/2016 18:18

Ok well redundancy or quit its the same result- you wont be in your current job. My advice is the same. TTC and look for new job. And be frugal as fuck in the meantime Grin

(Speaking as lone parent of two who has worked part-time, full time, two jobs and been unemployed. I know which was easier and it wasnt when i had no job Wink)

museumum · 14/01/2016 18:20

TTC and look for a new job at the same time. Whatever order things actually happen in then deal with it then.

LeaLeander · 14/01/2016 18:20

To answer your original question, no, I would not, given the world economy etc. quit a job, take a voluntary buyout or otherwise give up employment in order to have a baby. I would not give up a viable job just because I didn't like it, either, unless I had something else lined up.

Unless you are being victimised in some criminal way by your current employer/company, in which case of course drastic action is understandable, I would stick it out no matter how distasteful and look for something that suits. Especially if I didn't have substantial liquid savings (something like, say, two years expenses) on top of significant retirement savings.

knobblyknee · 14/01/2016 18:23

How much would you regret it if you didnt?
What do you have to offer a child (other than money. Forget money, there are more important things.)

Being a single parent on a benefit level income is hard, but not impossible.

MiddleClassProblem · 14/01/2016 18:23

I'm really confused. I don't get why you can't look for a job and start a job while TTC. What are your second job's hours?

My only input would be we conceived when moving. DH had a job but I hadn't at new town so never looked as was 5 months by the time we moved into new house (fixer upper). We are on a tight budget on DH's wage and I can't afford to work as what I would earn vs childcare isn't worth it and no family to help out. Babies are more expensive than you can imagine.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 14/01/2016 18:24

Do you mind sharing how old you are? If you are "of a certain age" I think I would say (going against the general feel of the thread so far) go for it and try for a baby. Yes, it will be tough, and yes, you might have very little money for a while, but if it were me I would have confidence in myself and my ability to figure out a way to make it work.

maggiethemagpie · 14/01/2016 18:26

I never knew the two were mutually exclusive! (working and trying for a baby that is)

notenoughbottle · 14/01/2016 18:28

Find a new job, give it a year and then try for a baby. Being a single mum with no job is hard work - I know, I've been there.

Marilynsbigsister · 14/01/2016 18:54

The question is quite frankly bizarre. 'Give up work and try for a baby' ... As far as I remember, (and I have three) but at no time did I think of 'making' a baby a full-time 9-5 job. ! On the basis that you do not seem to have a secret stash nor plan to live off of a mega rich sugar-daddy, I would say leave your job - whatever the 'situation' is. Get a new job, one you like. Stay there long enough to qualify for smp then start 'trying'. On the basis you are planning this alone, I am assuming you are going down the clinic route... all in all a handful of clinic appointments does not mean you need to give up work.

Curlywurly4 · 14/01/2016 19:05

If ever there is a time you need money it's with children. Think carefully before dropping out if the job market as it's not always easy to get back in.

wafflerinchief · 14/01/2016 19:11

I did quit my job when I started fertility treatment and I'd advise against it - I would hang on if I did it again - so job 1 is coming to an end anyway - can you not get another job at the same level? I found that after maternity leave when I wanted my proper job back I didn't have a hope in hell and in the 6 years since I quit I've almost gone back to the beginning in career terms and have expensive childcare to pay for. Don't let the desire for children blind you to sensible career chioces, it's very hard to get back up the ladder

expatinscotland · 14/01/2016 19:11

So how are you thinking of surviving with only this part-time job, because Universal Credit will be rolled out and benefits are not going to be the fall back people think they are. If you have a mortgaged home, you could find yourself repossessed, that means you may be found intentionally homeless and find yourself in a really bad way.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 14/01/2016 19:19

Benefits are being cut further and further. I wouldn't think of them as a fall back either

How sad

Swipe left for the next trending thread