To quit my job and try for a baby

[otterlylovely]

Insane, or perfectly logical?

If you knew you wanted a baby and then your situation at work became untenable - what would you do?

Ok so you are now saying you will be looking for another job? Just one that pays less? Why didnt you say that at the start?

Why even start this thread?

Do you believe it can all work out? If so, then do it! Life's too short to put up with crap

This is bizarre. What ever it is she can't/won't tell us is obviously key but impossible to advise with out.

Escort perhaps?

You say you could support yourself and a child but it might be difficult with childcare costs
You are not thinking straight if you are doing this alone.
Can understand you want a child. How old are you?

At 17.46 you said it would be tricky to do with childcare costs with your second job. That of course will need addressing.

Have a baby alone is tough. Having a baby alone in a bad financial situation is even tougher. It can and does break people.

Get the finances sorted and become a parent in a situation that you can be the best parent possible. Without the stress and pressure of not having enough money. You have a choice right now and your future child deserves for you to put in the effort now to give them the most stable and secure (and unstressed mum) life possible.

otterly, I sympathise because more than anything I know that desire to be a mum ... It's the single most fervent feeling I think I've had and (unusually for my desires) has got stronger over time, not faded away.

But it's a real human being you'll be raising and you owe it to both of you to give yourselves the best possible chance. Lots of single parents manage fine. Lots of poor parents manage fine.

But it's a bit silly to just blindly hope for the best and ignore real practical advice and well-meaning responses.

Yes, just do it, get the child you want, raise him without a father, without support, in poverty and with limited oportunities, because life is short

I insist, putting the needs of the child first is the first step to responsible parenthood.

I did it.

I think this poster's been on here for at least a couple of years posing the same problem.

I think this poster's been on here for at least a couple of years posing the same problem.

Ah I see.

This is very confusing, you said you already had a low-paying job which could support you, now you are talking about going to work in Tesco? Is that the second job you already have - or a new job which you would take on? Either which way, you don't sound at all ready for the financial or practical implications of having a child.

You don't sound like you would mind too much being poor in monetary terms (at least for a while) but rich in experience terms through having a child. Children need loving Mums more than they need Mums with lots of spare cash.

And yes, I know that sounds idealistic.

You've thought about it for a long time. And I think a lot of the people who are urging caution are not taking into account your age.

I know of someone who gave up work to have a baby through ivf. She had juggled a couple of unsuccessful cycles of ivf with work and found it very stressful. She did manage to have a baby through ivf after quitting her job. Maybe being a little more relaxed helped her. (Admittedly she did have a partner to provide a financial cushion.)

I'm sorry if this thread has been too full of well-meaning people telling you to be sensible!

Read the thread back when you are feeling calmer and give yourself some time to reflect on what people have said. But in the end only you know what is the best course of action for you.

Get the finances sorted and become a parent in a situation that you can be the best parent possible. Without the stress and pressure of not having enough money. You have a choice right now and your future child deserves for you to put in the effort now to give them the most stable and secure (and unstressed mum) life possible.

Yes, because everyone gets really lucky in life and meets their partner in their 20's/early 30's, have no fertility issues and have a well paying job with an amazing husband who will never leave them/cheat on them or become abusive.

Go for it op. You only get one chance to become a mother, and this might be your only chance as you are already past your 'prime' fertile years.

You're being very cryptic on the whole job thing, which makes it hard to offer constructive advice. It's for you to decide what to share or not share on a public forum, though.

As a single woman who has gone through fertility treatment to become pregnant on her own, I do believe that if it's something you really want then you'll find a way of making it work financially. I have a full time job and have plenty of support, but that doesn't change the fact that I am most worried about childcare, and my finances once baby arrives. But I always knew I'd rather try and have to scrimp and save than not try for a baby. I was very lucky that I got pregnant from my first IVF cycle.

My advice to you, based on the aforementioned lack of solid information, would be to stay in your current job as long as is possible, but to get on with searching for a new job, or moving your lower paid second job to be full time. Do what you can now to stockpile money. Also start trying to get pregnant, but make sure you go into it with fully open eyes - depending on how you intend on trying, it may be expensive, and it may be the hardest/most emotional thing you put yourself through. It might work first time, it might take 5 or 10 tries, it might never work. By all means go for it if it's what you want, but keep a realistic head on your shoulders.

Good luck!

I find it hard to believe there isn't a middle ground where you have some transferable skills from your well paid now over job that beats working in a minimum wage job. I would say though, in your shoes once I'd got myself the best job I could I probably would have a baby - I hope you have a network of other family though so the child has a family network even if there's no other parent on the scene.

Choosing to be a single parent in a low paid job with no support will be hard. Really hard.

But if it's what you decide then good luck to you.

After a search, I learned how to unhide the thread :) however on reflection I have asked Mumsnet if they would consider taking it down.

I recognise everyone is entitled to their view, but just the same it catches me by surprise when it's a view I didn't ask for and its critical of the choices I am making.

What I will say, is that an incident has happened at work. I have not caused this, but it has been alleged I did, and due to the nature of this allegation, it effectively means working in this field will be almost impossible (not least because it has destroyed my confidence: I know the 'I am sat here shaking' posts tend to be mocked, but I am.)

Now, I am a worker, and I work in a different field (not tesco - I assumed the poster meant it to be illustrative rather than literal, a bit like joe bloggs) and if needs be, and needs be may be what it comes to, I can work in this field full time, but well paid it is not.

I hope that is slightly more helpful.

I am not an escort.
I have not posted about this before.
I welcome your thoughts but please understand I was still in shock when I started this thread, I still am, really.

OP it sounds like you've had a big shock today - I think you need to give yourself a bit of time to absorb this news and get your head around things.

A good friend of mine had something similar happen at the beginning of this week. In the immediate aftermath it felt like a total disaster but chatting again yesterday, he has reviewed things in the cold light of day and while still quite angry and frustrated with the situation, can see a couple of possible ways forward.

Don't make any knee jerk decisions - take your time. Hope you can find a way to find another job.

Thanks. I absolutely agree on not making any big decisions, but the life I thought I had has crumbled around me - and a way forwards is hard. I am focusing on baby as that's something positive. I hope people can understand that even if they don't agree.

I sounds like what you happened today is really shit and you are looking to take control of your life. I would go ft in your other job or that field. There is no reason you can't TTC whilst working and you will need as much cash as possible and maternity pay too. This is not just what you can live with but a child too. That's the reality.

Of course, and I would never not work and I do have some income independent of work, though this is small.

Sorry from previous posts it sounded like you only wanted to work P/T and not make up for the hours from the job you left.

There is a website somewhere which is a budget planner for having a baby. The lowest end is 2nd hand stuff etc it gives you an outline. Another thing you could do just to see the reality of costs is go on a site like mothercare and put in your basket everything you need for the baby and then look at the cost. This won't cover everything but it's a start to get an idea