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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To quit my job and try for a baby

157 replies

otterlylovely · 14/01/2016 17:45

Insane, or perfectly logical?

If you knew you wanted a baby and then your situation at work became untenable - what would you do?

OP posts:
Rpj16 · 14/01/2016 19:23

Surely its doable? People get pregnant alone all the time and they don't expect it but manage. At least OP could take the time to save up a bit. Just have to get used to being poor! Circumstances change all the time anyway. could go back to uni and re-train while baby is young (I know people who have done this while single with little/no support!)

Looks like your mind is made up tbh!

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 14/01/2016 19:24

I always go Hmm when people say babies don't need money, because rent, food, heat is free .... Not

Viviennemary · 14/01/2016 19:28

Plenty of people do have babies without giving a thought to how they are going to support themselves or their child financially. And what happens if you leave your job and take a while to get pregnant. You'll suffer a huge drop in income. It's all down to your individual circumstances, your domestic arrangements and how much money you have. Still if you go ahead you won't be the first or the last.

BarbarianMum · 14/01/2016 19:30

Babies may not be expensive (at least if you are on maternity leave) but children sure as hell are. Why not find a new job then ttc?

Wileycoyote · 14/01/2016 19:44

Crazy idea IMHO

Original poster
otterlylovely · 14/01/2016 19:46

I absolutely wouldn't be claiming benefits.

To explain - it would be pointless really, looking for another job. I'd need to take things in a different direction for a while.

My part time badly paid job can easily become full time. It isn't well paid but it's liveable.

OP posts:
Stillunexpected · 14/01/2016 19:47

What age are you?

Original poster
otterlylovely · 14/01/2016 19:48

Late 30s.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 14/01/2016 19:48

So you're asking, 'AIBU but don't tell me I am' Hmm

Shutthatdoor · 14/01/2016 19:49

Reading between the lines are you wanting to leave rather than be fired?

It seems odd that if you quit you say looking for another job would be pointless?

All a bit cryptic Confused

Owllady · 14/01/2016 19:51

Have a baby if you want to :)

RudeElf · 14/01/2016 19:52

What other direction? Why pointless to get another job?

why ask if you have already decided?

MiddleClassProblem · 14/01/2016 19:54

Is the problem that your job is physical or in a dangerous environment?

KacieB · 14/01/2016 19:58

Ok honestly ... I'm early 30s and perfectly healthy and I've now had 4 MCs in 18 months. You might end up in a similar situation - alternatively it can take people years to conceive even once. Or of course you might get pregnant right away and spend the next few months with HG or something.

There's no predicting how long it will take, or how it will affect you, but there's only a limited window of time where it's possible - so if you really want to be a mum, I'd advise you to go for it (as I think you've already decided to do).

But please be really realistic about it and listen to some of the posters here ... not only is it expensive and exhausting, but you're also bringing a whole new person into the world.

As they get a bit older they're going to cost more and need more, and you might end wishing you'd done things a bit differently, which might be rubbish for you both...

Original poster
otterlylovely · 14/01/2016 19:58

No, expat, I'm not, but if people say 'no you shouldn't because of X' it isn't unreasonable to say 'X doesn't apply' is it? Or is it?

I really can't explain further re the job, but basically I think my career in that field is over, for good.

OP posts:
TheTigerIsOut · 14/01/2016 19:59

I'm with expat on it, if you don't have the money, you shouldn't be trying to conceive.

Accidents/divorces/death happens and you will cope (with plenty of help), but thinking of raising a child on your own on a small salary/no job and benefits is crazy. You are getting a child, not a cat.

Wait to get pregnant until you can provide for that child. The way benefits/tax credits are going, you might struggle to get to the end of the month on your own even working FT unless you earn a very good salary.

ImperialBlether · 14/01/2016 19:59

I don't know how this doesn't become a discussion about having a child without a father though. I couldn't think of much worse than telling a child they literally have no father.

MiddleClassProblem · 14/01/2016 20:00

I'm guessing you were a spy but I do t understand why this now means you can't get a job in Tesco

Original poster
otterlylovely · 14/01/2016 20:02

I'm not going to be claiming benefits, and I do, of course, know it's a child and not a pet.

Yes, I suppose there is a part of me hoping people will say 'get pregnant and it will work out.'

But from my point of view, I have a tiny window in which to potentially conceive and a big window to work in.

Ideally, yes, I would absolutely be TTC with a stable job that pays well even though I hate it but it looks as if things haven't worked out that way. Normally I'm a bit more articulate, but I've been dealt a body-blow today, career wise, and I'm still a bit shocked.

OP posts:
Original poster
otterlylovely · 14/01/2016 20:03

Imperial, if you feel it's immoral then I recognise that view, I of course don't agree, but if you want to discuss it I respect that - but not here?

I would be getting a job in tesco :) or at least, it's equivalent. I would never not work, however the rate of pay would be poor compared to my previous role.

OP posts:
TheTigerIsOut · 14/01/2016 20:05

imperial... As a divorced parent, I cannot imagine who in their right mind could become a single parent by mere choice when there isn't a proper network of support in place AND the financial means to raise the child singlehandedly, but it seems that it is now somewhat politically incorrect to mention that nowadays...

RudeElf · 14/01/2016 20:06

Ok everyone gets that your job is gone. What people are struggling with is why you cannot look for another one. You say youre second job would just about support you so clearly you have no independant wealth. You say you wouldnt be claiming benefits. So if you dont intend to get another job what exactly is your plan to support this child (which will start costing mony pretty sharpish once school starts.)

Original poster
otterlylovely · 14/01/2016 20:06

OK, I'm out - thanks for suggestions Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
otterlylovely · 14/01/2016 20:07

Yes, the second job would support us. I'm sure all will be fine. Thanks.

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 14/01/2016 20:07

You would be getting a job in tesco but you won't apply for one? Surely any job is better than no job (or just one in this case).
I think you are underestimating how hard it can be to get back into work post child and how much it really costs