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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So.. today the school sent my DS on a trip i didn't give permission for him to go on...

258 replies

Skullyton · 14/01/2016 17:02

My friend was picking my 9yo and 6yo up after school today, and when she got there, DS wasn't there, and they told her he had gone on the school trip.

The School trip i never filled the form out for, so hadn't given consent for him to go on.

It was only a trip to the local college for a panto, but DS has ASD and needs full time 1:1, and plays scare him, so he was quite adamant when the forms for it were sent home that he didn't want to go, so i never returned the permission slip.

One of the office staff this morning asked me in passing if he was going, and i said "No, i never filled out the permission slip"

So to say i'm a little annoyed is an understatement. Yes he was safe, he was with his 1:1, but i did not give consent for him to go, he should not have been off the school premises!

I called the school as soon as i knew and left a message, but that was at 4.15, and no-ones called back.

How do i approach this in the morning?

OP posts:
Lucy61 · 14/01/2016 23:07

Fair enough- then that should have been that. Wine

LentilStew · 14/01/2016 23:17

It certainly is a safeguarding issue. Ofsted would be the ones going bat shit crazy if they observed this.
YANBU, not at all.

Lauren15 · 14/01/2016 23:21

Do you think a six year old could spend a whole day working 1:1 with an adult? What would he do at break and lunch?

BaronessBomburst · 14/01/2016 23:25

The OP's DS is 9.

Lucy61 · 14/01/2016 23:26

Lauren- there are other teachers and classes in the school. What in your experience happens when other children don't go on a school trip/ swimming with their class?

Shineyshoes10 · 14/01/2016 23:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuburbanRhonda · 14/01/2016 23:33

you clearly have no idea about SN

Actually, I do; in our school (we have a specialist centre for S&L) we have strategies for helping children communicate and express their needs when the usual ways don't work.

What we don't tend to do is assume that a child with additional needs is not capable of communicating their needs in any way.

MrsLiamNeeson · 14/01/2016 23:48

OP, my DS (8) has ASD and if it were me I'd be going bananas.

You are absolutely right that this shouldn't have happened, and I hope you get answers (and an apology!) tomorrow when you speak to them.

LentilStew · 14/01/2016 23:54

Lauren, a child with asd so debilitating it requires 1:1, will often struggle to cope at break and lunch. In many of these cases the Support worker will be outside with the child during this time. They then often grasp some lunch afterwards during registration and quiet reading/quiet activity which often happens immediately after lunch. IME, they usually take about 20mins of their half hour break. And if course, a good support worker will use every opportunity to foster communication and interaction between the child and his or her peers so being there, outside, with a 9yr old helping him with those pesky unwritten rules will hopefully lead to a little more independence and spontaneous interactions as the child matures. Or sometimes not; as its autism where anything goes! Grin

LentilStew · 14/01/2016 23:55

The 'it' refers to the ASD not the child, just to be clear.

Original poster
Skullyton · 15/01/2016 00:10

I can't speak for anyone else, but my kids school have proper exercise equipment, and because his dyspraxia is so severe, DS gets regular movement breaks where he is taken out to use them as they are good for the whole proprioceptive/vestibular seeking behaviour he displays.

As for breaks, he spends those in the Learning Mentors room, usually with his little sister who goes to play with him or playing lego. He finds the playground and dinner hall too overwhelming.

OP posts:
Lauren15 · 15/01/2016 07:48

Lentil don't patronise me. I've worked with two children on a 1:1 basis, both with different needs. The child I have in mind would not have been happy to be alone all day. No two children with SEN are the same.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 15/01/2016 07:54

The point is he was taken out of school when his Mother hadn't given written permission.

It doesn't matter if the visit required extra adults, if his teacher thought it'd be ok for the boy or any other reason .

He shouldn't have left the premises because his Mum didn't give permission.

That is the crux of the matter.

Youarentkiddingme · 15/01/2016 08:05

Lairen you may well have. But you clearly don't understand the LAW. A child who is registered as receiving an education at school should be at school. You cannot organise a trip they can access and then illegally exclude them from the day (ask patents to keep them home) because the child will be bored alone and school can't be arsed to organise an alternative.
A patent choosing to withdraw their child from school for the day is a different matter.

Blu · 15/01/2016 08:49

I have a child who needed a risk assessment / 1:1 for trips and as a working parent it drove me potty when the school expected me to 'understand' and say 'oh, ok, I will relieve you of your statutory duty, allow you to be discriminatory and duck out of the effort and thought needed to make appropriate arrangements for the trip or remaining at school'.

But after the first time when they expected me to 'understand' and take DS in my own car, rather than arrange a taxi or accessible transport, and I discussed it politely and calmly and all was well.

Funny, isn't it: if an NT child does not go on a residential for some reason, and the parent wants to keep them at home rather than them sit in with Yr 1 for a week there is unauthorized absence hell to pay,

Blu · 15/01/2016 08:49

But a school will ta

Blu · 15/01/2016 08:50

Aargh phone posting, you get the point , hopefully!

ewbank · 15/01/2016 08:54

The lack of understanding of SEN on this thread makes me want to weep.

Fuck's sake.

FoxInTheDesert · 15/01/2016 08:58

I am a teacher in a special need school, mostly Autism, and we do not take children off the premises without written consent by parents. We have small classrooms with 2 kids on 1 adult and I will only take my children to places that are safe and suitable. I understand your concerns OP and make sure you get to the bottom of why this has happened. If this happened in my school I am sure the responsible person would be given an official warning.

FoxInTheDesert · 15/01/2016 09:01

And regardless of any SEN or lack of knowledge thereof, schools should NOT take children on trips without permission. Consent forms are there for a good reason. My consent forms that I send always have a yes or no option, so I always get s form back.

Original poster
Skullyton · 15/01/2016 09:25

Right then!

Got a phone call this morning from the Office, the Secretary has apologised profusely and admitted it was her fault as she never relayed to the teacher that DS needed alternative arrangements making.

His TA has also apologised, not that it was her fault as she just goes where he does!

Secretary caught me again when i went to drop the kids off and has again apologised, she's really absolutely genuinely gutted, so i couldn't be horrible about it, i have just taken the view that for all they messed up, they know they made a mistake and i will leave it there for now.

I did question why it was solely her fault as if DS isn't on her list, he shouldn't be on the teachers either! It also doesn't answer some other questions, so i may well still speak to the HT about it later or on Monday.

OP posts:
pudcat · 15/01/2016 09:45

Will they now ask you to pay for the panto. I am surprised they didn't notice when they got there as they would not have enough seats booked. Another point is the return journey. If there were say 30 names on the list but your child made it 31 then another child could have potentially left behind at the head count. Teacher counts 30 including your child and off they go leaving some poor little mite in the loo.

Fifi10 · 15/01/2016 09:57

Sorry, I don't understand how it was the secretary's role to coordinate the trip? Is she the EVC? Did she do the risk assessment? Whoever did these two things should have had a list of the children going on the trip and should not have taken extra children. Also not the secretary's job to identify that your DS needed alternate arrangements.

I'm not saying to go in all guns blazing but none of it adds up.

Dottydadoo · 15/01/2016 09:57

As I thought - she's probably had a sleepless night over that (as have you perhaps!).

If you can work out with the Head a guarantee that this couldn't happen again with yours or any other child then job done. Lesson learned.

If you take the emotion out of the situation (and I don't blame you for feeling that emotion at all (though not sure why others are getting outraged on your behalf)), the situation can be resolved constructively and for the better for all sides without the need to 'go bananas' or 'batshit crazy'.

Involve Ofsted?? Formal warnings? Really?? What good would that do at all?! ...I say this as someone who deals with formal warnings/ investigations as a major part of my job.

I wish you and your son well OP

Seeline · 15/01/2016 10:29

OP - does that mean that the school knew you hadn't given consent, discussed what to do with your DS once they discovered they hadn't made alternative arrangements, and then took hi any way? They should have at least rung you at that stage to check what you wanted to do.
If this is the case, in my mind it makes the whole situation worse than a straight forward mistake, in that they realised their mistake but still took him without your consent!
I would definitely still want to have a talk with the Head (and possibly SENCO) to make absolutely sure this cannot happen again, either to your Ds or another child.