Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So.. today the school sent my DS on a trip i didn't give permission for him to go on...

258 replies

Skullyton · 14/01/2016 17:02

My friend was picking my 9yo and 6yo up after school today, and when she got there, DS wasn't there, and they told her he had gone on the school trip.

The School trip i never filled the form out for, so hadn't given consent for him to go on.

It was only a trip to the local college for a panto, but DS has ASD and needs full time 1:1, and plays scare him, so he was quite adamant when the forms for it were sent home that he didn't want to go, so i never returned the permission slip.

One of the office staff this morning asked me in passing if he was going, and i said "No, i never filled out the permission slip"

So to say i'm a little annoyed is an understatement. Yes he was safe, he was with his 1:1, but i did not give consent for him to go, he should not have been off the school premises!

I called the school as soon as i knew and left a message, but that was at 4.15, and no-ones called back.

How do i approach this in the morning?

OP posts:
shouldwestayorshouldwego · 14/01/2016 20:42

People saying that he was fine are missing the point that today he was fine, unless Skullyton makes a fuss and gets the school to rethink their procedures then another time they might take him or another child without permission and something might happen.

Original poster
Skullyton · 14/01/2016 20:47

Exactly.. this isn't just about expression my shock that they let my DS out on a trip without permission, its about pointing out there is a hole in their procedure somewhere and they need to find out where the problem happened before it happens again and the child ISNT ok.

OP posts:
Antisoc · 14/01/2016 20:48

I'm surprised his 1:1 teachers aide (not sure of terminology) didn't realise or that your son didn't say something (I assuming he knew he wasn't going)

You could sort of understand it with other types of trip but it seems a really dumb mistake to make on, what I presume, was a ticketed event. The 1:1 teachers aid would have required a ticket too.

I'd certainly raise it with the school but I wouldn't go ape shit Confused

DrDreReturns · 14/01/2016 20:52

A similar thing happened to my son last year. We complained in writing to the head. She arranged a meeting where the issue was discussed and we were told what changes they were going to make. We were happy with the outcome of the meeting and left it at that.
I'd do what we did in your situation. If you are not satisfied with the head's response you can escalate it to the Governors / OFSTED.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 14/01/2016 20:52

OP isn't going to go bat shit crazy because she isn't stupid.

Antisoc · 14/01/2016 20:58

StillStayingClassySanDiego
OP isn't going to go bat shit crazy because she isn't stupid

Yes I know that! Hmm It's just that other posters had suggested being 'livid' being 'furious' and going 'batshit'

LilacSpunkMonkey · 14/01/2016 20:59

You can see the clear divide here between 'people who know fuck all about safeguarding and think it's just a buzzword' and 'people who understand what it actually means and how fucking serious it is'.

As someone who works in a primary school and has done plenty of training on safeguarding in education I'm in the second group and can categorically tell you, Skullyton that YANBU and that this is a serious fuck-up on school's part. It is not a 'mistake' or a 'whoops, never mind, he had a good time anyway so school clearly know better than you do' it is a fuck-up of Ofsted visit proportions.

That is not an exaggeration or me being over the top, it is the truth.

DrDreReturns · 14/01/2016 21:01

Going mental at the school would be counter productive imo, even though they are in the wrong. Arrange a meeting where you can calmly discuss the issue. You are much more likely to get a good outcome that way.

mommy2ash · 14/01/2016 21:13

Maybe see if you can find the slip and see what it says. I've never had to sign a permission slip for local outings. I would have spoken to the teacher to outline why he wasn't going beforehand. In future that might a good idea anyway to talk through any worries as it seems this time it was a good thing that he went. Obviously if the school should have had a signed slip I'm not saying it's good they took him without permission

Blu · 14/01/2016 21:19

Mommy: RTFT!

She doesn't need to find the slip....she spoke to the office staff who, when she said 'no' he wasn't going and she hadn't signed the permission slip, confirmed that his name was not on the list to go!

These threads become a complete waste of time after the first page or two.

Skully - I hope you are now concentrating on what exactly to say in line with Fifi's informed advice.

SuburbanRhonda · 14/01/2016 21:21

I agree with antisoc that its odd your DS didn't say to his LSA that he wasn't going, especially in view of the fact he screamed "No" to you when you asked him, OP.

So perhaps another action from your meeting could be to make sure your DS knows to speak to his LSA if he feels something is happening that he's not happy about.

IfItsGoodEnough4ShirleyBassey · 14/01/2016 21:32

I agree with everyone else - it turned out fine this time which is fantastic and well done DS (and his LSA). But it might go horribly wrong next time if they don't sharpen up their act, and the OP needs them to clarify exactly how they're going to make sure that never happens again. "Everyone makes mistakes" as per pp is really really not good enough.

IfItsGoodEnough4ShirleyBassey · 14/01/2016 21:33

When I say "I agree with everyone else" of course I mean "I agree with all the people who agree with me, but not with the other ones" Blush

JackandDiane · 14/01/2016 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

bigbuttons · 14/01/2016 21:38

*lilac I agree.
Some people haven't got a clue about what safeguarding actually means, especially within the primary setting. I too have been on courses (yawn) and this is really serious shit.

Squashybanana · 14/01/2016 21:39

You are right it is a big error and school should not have taken him without your permission.

However, if it had been school refusing to take him because of his autism (rather than you as parent refusing to let him go) they would have been in breach of the Equalities Act which says that people with disabilities should not be subject to less favourable treatment for reasons of their disability. My personal viewpoint as the parent of a child with autism is that we will find a way for him to attend every trip, with an individual risk assessment and a special plan in place for 'reasonable adjustments'.

If I had been a teacher in your son's school I would have been meeting with you to make a plan for him to attend, and working hard to persuade you how he could do so safely for him and the others. I don't know if you refused permission because your son's school don't generally do this but be aware that they should. No child should have to miss out on trips because they are autistic.

QuestionsaboutDS · 14/01/2016 21:46

How would you deal with a child who is intensely noise sensitive on a panto trip then squashy? Just curious not goady, but IME whilst it should always be possible to make a trip safe and technically possible for a child with autism, you can't always deal with the fact that it involves something that is fun for 99% of children but which they simply hate. DS has this problem with heights and we decided that a Go Ape-type school residential trip which could potentially have been manageable from a practical POV was just not worth the effort because he would have hated it so much.

frazzledbutcalm · 14/01/2016 21:48

Clearly those who think this is ok .. don't have a child with ASD.

Sub I agree with antisoc that its odd your DS didn't say to his LSA that he wasn't going, especially in view of the fact he screamed "No" to you when you asked him, OP.

So perhaps another action from your meeting could be to make sure your DS knows to speak to his LSA if he feels something is happening that he's not happy about. HmmHmmHmm you clearly have no idea about SN. I have a dd with ASD, who screams at me and has meltdowns .. yet goes to school and is almost fully selective mute. She definitely could not speak up in this situation.

Marryoneorbecomeone · 14/01/2016 21:50

Jackanddiane I've just reported your rude and goading post. Disgraceful.

exLtEveDallas · 14/01/2016 21:50

This is a HUGE breach of safeguarding procedures and you can bet your arse that the schools HT/SENCO will have been shitting themselves from the moment that they realised what they have allowed to happen - and so they should.

We had a panto trip at Xmas - two children with SN in the class, both with 1-1's. Child A didn't go as mum agreed there was no way he would cope - she very kindly agreed to keep him home that day so his 1-1 could help with Child B. Bloody good job too as 'team teach' was needed before the intermission.

IguanaTail · 14/01/2016 21:54

Whether or not he has SEN - irrelevant.

Whether or not he enjoyed it - irrelevant.

Children cannot go on trips without parental consent. And that's that. There's no discussion about it or wondering if it was a simple error. It cannot happen.

sleeponeday · 14/01/2016 21:57

Jackanddiane I've just reported your rude and goading post. Disgraceful.

Me too. Yuck.

Original poster
Skullyton · 14/01/2016 21:59

just as a note.

if he'd wanted to go, and the noise was an issue, i'd have given his ear defenders to his TA this morning just in case.

OP posts:
sleeponeday · 14/01/2016 22:00

So perhaps another action from your meeting could be to make sure your DS knows to speak to his LSA if he feels something is happening that he's not happy about.

Unlike Frazzled's, my ASD child is capable of voicing concerns in terms of speech. He is just utterly incapable, in terms of psychology. Autistic kids often exert huge energy at school in masking problems. The Jekyll & Hyde or "fizzy pop" phenomenons. And their parents inwardly piss themselves when teachers smugly suggest that the kids should be encouraged to share any concerns, because if only it were that fucking simple.

Mine melts down at the mere idea of telling staff what bothers him. He is terrified by the idea.

JackandDiane · 14/01/2016 22:01

goading her to do what/ get some balance in her life? IMO she has taken this out of all proportion!
Kid went on trip
Cock up with paper work
kid had a great time
Parent goes in to issue complaint that this doesnt happen again

JOB DONE