So.. today the school sent my DS on a trip i didn't give permission for him to go on...

[Skullyton]

My friend was picking my 9yo and 6yo up after school today, and when she got there, DS wasn't there, and they told her he had gone on the school trip.

The School trip i never filled the form out for, so hadn't given consent for him to go on.

It was only a trip to the local college for a panto, but DS has ASD and needs full time 1:1, and plays scare him, so he was quite adamant when the forms for it were sent home that he didn't want to go, so i never returned the permission slip.

One of the office staff this morning asked me in passing if he was going, and i said "No, i never filled out the permission slip"

So to say i'm a little annoyed is an understatement. Yes he was safe, he was with his 1:1, but i did not give consent for him to go, he should not have been off the school premises!

I called the school as soon as i knew and left a message, but that was at 4.15, and no-ones called back.

How do i approach this in the morning?

OP any reasonable persons knows YANBU.

I'm glad the school have acknowledged the mistake, apologised and are looking into it.

I hope it never happens again. You sound like a lovely parent op and I think you've gone about things in the right manner.

Agreed. You have handled this really well, as anyone with an ounce of intelligence and common sense would immediately recognise.

Does it really matter when it was a genuine mistake that they are sorry for and he was ok and enjoyed it. I really don't see the big deal

If your 5 year old managed to get out of the school gate, took themselves for a 20 minute walk and then arrived safely back at school...would you really be saying 'Oh well, he was alright, no harm done, what's the big deal ?'

I highly doubt it.

I'm glad for the op that it went well but that is SO not the point. The school have massively failed in their duty of care and yes, that IS a big deal. The fact that the outcome was good was lucky and that may not have been the case.

Another big question and one which doesn't seem to have been raised in the thread - sorry if it was and I missed it - is what the heck the OP's kid's 1:1 thought he/she was playing at. If not on the ball enough to pick up that there was something strange going on, what actual use are they? And if they did realise that the child shouldn't have been going on the trip, why didn't they do something?

She said she thought it was a bit strange that he was going knowing what he was like with make up and costumes, but for all she is lovely, and doing a fantastic job as his 1:1, she's new to this and didn't speak up about it as she trusted the class teacher and admin to know what was what.

I'm glad that the op has an apology. I have a little boy with asd. His care plan states he needs to sit in a quiet area to eat his lunch. He has lots of anxiety around food and especially eating in large noisy spaces. He was doing well so the school took it upon themselves to move him into the main hall, without telling us. They presumed that because he was managing he was ok, and they had cured his anxiety. In fact he'd stopped sleeping and was becoming increasingly anxious at home. W. Couldn't understand the change in his behaviour until we dug down and realised that the change in routine at school was manifesting itself at home. That's,why it's the op parents decision to make the risk assessment about the theatre trip. The thing with asd is that you need the whole picture to make the decision and be able to judge how your child will react because the results may be delayed. She,may find that even though he coped this time that the children might get anxious before another trip, even if it's not theatre based because they are worried that it might be noisy like the pantomime was, even if it's,a trip to a library. Etc.

((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))) Skullyton

You can't get through to those that haven't even read the dammed thread

skully I think you've handled this brilliantly. I'm another person who will make a point about how serious things are but will always accept apology and a glance at how to prevent it happening again.
When you have a child with ASD you certainly learn to pick your battles in all areas of life!