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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not get why strangers can't leave my child alone

267 replies

sellisx · 14/01/2016 16:11

In the supermarket today, my little boy was having a tantrum, I usually laugh and walk off but at least four people tried to coax him back to me. Two people picked him up then complained they got hurt because he threw himself backwards.
WHY don't they leave him be!!!
In a cafe one time,I left him at the table while I went to get napkins, by the time I came back somebody was feeding him chips "because he was making noise" what if he had an allergy? Angry

OP posts:
TheTigerIsOut · 14/01/2016 20:31

I'm a single parent too, and it is incredibly difficult sometimes, but if things are that bad you need to find some help to be able to cope. And sometimes that help may be as simple as making sure you get enough rest/sleep to be able to put up with any bad things you are going through.

You can't expect strangers to ignore your behaviour if they are not aware of what you are going through.

Take care of yourself, you are the most important person at the moment, as you are the one keeping the boat afloat. But be kind to your child, he is not having it easy either.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 14/01/2016 20:33

But be kind to your child, he is not having it easy either.

OP is putting some distance between herself and her child to teach him that having a tantrum is unacceptable and will not get him the attention he wants. Tantrums are not productive. They should not be reinforced.

NOTHING the OP is doing suggests that she is unkind to her child.

TheTigerIsOut · 14/01/2016 20:37

Sorry, I thought she said she laughed when walking away.

But my mistake. I hope things get better soon.

Lucy61 · 14/01/2016 20:40

MrsDevere- that's exactly what comes across from the op's messages. I didn't say anything wrong. Do you have a habit for 'policing' other posters' responses?

Op- do you know if your ds might be entitled to a free nursery place from the age of two? If so, look into it and apply now as places in some areas go quickly. It could give you a bit of a break and the social interactions could help with his speech.

Janeymoo50 · 14/01/2016 20:41

Thanks.

MrsDeVere · 14/01/2016 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nanny0gg · 14/01/2016 21:01

Some children don't speak at 19 months and there's nothing wrong.

Happened with two of my DGC (both nearly three before they spoke). And they're older and fine now - both very articulate. Just keep in touch with your HV about it.

I may have missed this, but if your DC is prone to tantrums (and I've been there!) why isn't he strapped into the trolley seat? Just to make life easier for you.

Hope you have good news of your DP soon.

goldensquirrel · 14/01/2016 21:03

Goodnightdarthvader1, a tantrum, especially at one, arises as a result of a very young child being overwhelmed by their environment or because they are hungry, tired. It's an inability to express that feeling. They will look to their parent to provide security when they're feeling insecure. You're attributing adult or at least an older more rational child's mindset to a 'one' year old if you think they will be able to apply this rationale and respond appropriately when they see their Mother walk away- he's one ffs! Are you saying this works or has worked with your toddlers - it sounds very 'textbook' speak?

goodnightdarthvader1 · 14/01/2016 21:03

Briefly smiling or laughing at the absurdity of a tantrum is not "unkind" and will not scar a child for life.

MrsDeVere · 14/01/2016 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheCatsMeow · 14/01/2016 21:06

I'm with Golden however when very stressed I can understand the walking away. I have PND and sometimes I have to put DS in his cot and get a glass of water because I'll cry if not.

I wouldn't walk off from a child in a supermarket though..

Original poster
sellisx · 14/01/2016 21:07

I didn't have him in the trolley as he loves walking about, and heaven forbid I don't do as his emotions sayHmm he has had tantrums in the trolley before, he will just start head butting the handle
Same with the pram, he hates being in there but he does get tired after a long walk
I usually do online shopping but already had the money in my purse
Unfortunately I do not have anybody to rely on for support. I will get my son to the GP though, the health visitor did say though that he shouldn't need it as he looked at her when she called his name so couldn't be deaf Hmm is it just a wee test? Or is it quite invasive?

OP posts:
Jw35 · 14/01/2016 21:08

You're in a supermarket. It's boring and you're distracted-cue tantrum! Walking away and laughing is awful for a 19 month old. If I was walking past if be worried. The cafe is odd but again you wandered off. Babies attract a lot of attention! Sorry but I think yabu

TheCatsMeow · 14/01/2016 21:10

Sellisx It may have changed but it wasn't invasive for me, just earphones and I had to press a button when I heard certain sounds. I had those tests regularly as a child because I have hearing problems and they were never unpleasant.

Original poster
sellisx · 14/01/2016 21:11

I wouldn't laugh if he was genuinely hurt, it's better than what my 'narsassistic' mother does and calls him a fkin idiot

OP posts:
Original poster
sellisx · 14/01/2016 21:12

Shouldn't have posted that comment, people will be thinking all sorts now 😢

OP posts:
SalemSaberhagen · 14/01/2016 21:13

A woman told me my 16 month old lacked social skills because she was crying and then continued to cry when the woman (a complete stranger) tried to tickle her chin whilst DD was mid scream.

Oh the irony.

anotherbusymum14 · 14/01/2016 21:15

I have kids too and I'm surprised this shocks the OP. If there are other people around you they will respond.
You're not at home dealing with a tantrum and leaving the room to teach them a lesson, you have the general public around you trying to go about their own business. They have a right to intervene if you walk away.
Did you ask yourself, did they really want to see a kid left on their own screaming and having a tantrum?
I certainly don't tut-tut people who have kids having tantrums in shops, as most of us have been there and sympathize with the parent and know that the child will grow our of it, but really I am surprised that you just walked away and left your child to have a tantrum surrounded by other unknown people and expect led them NOT to jntervene.
It's a public space not a toddler training ground. I know that will annoy other people here but seriously as mums it's our job to deal with it on the spot (not walk away) and yes, if need be leave your groceries/friends whatever and put that kid on your shoulder kicking and screaming and walk out and find a quiet, more convenient spot (even the car) where you can wait for the tantrum to pass.

ghnocci · 14/01/2016 21:16

I understand you're struggling OP and believe me I know how hard it is to deal with tantrums in public, DD has enough of them, but I really don't think walking away from a tantrumming 19mo is the right thing to do. He's just a baby.

Tbh with you looking so young, walking away and smirking, I'm not surprised that people intervene at his age. I don't think you can blame them really.

Janeymoo50 · 14/01/2016 21:19

Best comment of the day anotherbusymum...

Original poster
sellisx · 14/01/2016 21:19

He was not surrounded by people he was on his own in an aisle where people came down he aisle to get to him to try and get him back to me. If he was in somebody's way I would have moved him myself but he wasn't. There was no need for two different people to try and pick him up then mutter when they got hurt. You just don't do that

OP posts:
TheCatsMeow · 14/01/2016 21:23

Why does it bother you OP they were just trying to be helpful

Original poster
sellisx · 14/01/2016 21:24

Imagine ds is the bluey bottle, I'm the white bottle at the checkout I was literally not that far

To not get why strangers can't leave my child alone
OP posts:
Lucy61 · 14/01/2016 21:24

MrsDevere- I haven't criticised anyone else's opinion on this post. I only seem to be having this exchange with you, and that is in response to your criticism of mine.

As many others have said, the child seems to be struggling and mum needs to focus on his emotional needs. She needs to get the support she needs in order to be able to do this. If I saw a one year old so upset my instinct would be to support him/her (not pick them up though). Especially if I looked for the mum and found her laughing/ smirking further up the isle. I wouldn't just reach over him for the tin of baked beans and move on! I think the people who intervened were just trying to help.

Janeymoo50 · 14/01/2016 21:24

He was on his own, in an aisle...in a supermarket. You, at the other end laughing at your toddler baby ...please. No wonder it took 4 strangers to get involved.