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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that you tell close family first?

58 replies

Yambabe · 13/01/2016 21:45

Sitting here looking at my facebook and I'm starting to see DSS and his GF getting tagged in congrats posts on my newsfeed. Mostly from his mates but also our DNiece has just chipped in.

Appears that our DGD may have been born at some point today but neither DH or I have had a text or call from DSS. There is no backstory, we are close.

AIBU to be a bit hurt?

OP posts:
ginmakesitallok · 13/01/2016 21:47

Yanbu. But things move v quick on fb. When my dneice had her baby folk congratulated her on fb before they has a chance to let family know. It's not their fault.

Vaginaaa · 13/01/2016 21:48

YABU. Word spreads fast on FB. Give them bloody chance :)

SisterMoonshine · 13/01/2016 21:49

I think t's their generation. Don't take it as an insult.

FunnysInLaJardin · 13/01/2016 21:49

give them a ring?

SpendSpendSpend · 13/01/2016 21:49

Yanbu!!!

I hate facebook for this reason. Its horrible for people to find out via facebook some important news within the family.

Some of our family found out my cousin was pregnant through an announcement on facebook.

Also very recently some of my family found out that an extended family member had died through facebook!!

Yanbu to be upset. I would be really upset to find out my grandchild had been born through fucking facebook.

I would be teaching dss about courtesy when i next spoke to him in your shoes

Underdogsbollocks · 13/01/2016 21:50

Yanbu they obviously had to tell someone for it to get on Facebook in the first place so they could have told you at the same time in one big group message.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 13/01/2016 21:50

It just takes one person to be with her when she was in labour, or with him when he got the call then that's it all over FB.

They might have sent a group text and accidently missed you off or it hasn't come through.

Maybe they are overwhelmed and are just letting everyone find out on FB.

Either way how lovely that you have a lovely DGD to cuddle, congratulations Flowers

rageagainsttheBIL · 13/01/2016 21:52

I bet she's texted someone maybe best mate, and either hasn't told him she has started telling people or he was meant to text you but is slower off the mark...

Still YANBU that you are upset

AliceInUnderpants · 13/01/2016 21:52

You think your new grandchild has been born, and you're on here moaning about not being first to know?

FFS call them up and ask!! And congratulate them. It's about them, not you.

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 13/01/2016 21:58

Well, they're on Facebook, you're on Mumsnet...

Probably they're concentrating on their new baby, and getting over the birth, rather than worrying about not ruffling feathers.

Maybe they're thinking "better not tell Yam by text, she'll get all miffed, we'll phone when we've got a minute "

Cavaradossi · 13/01/2016 22:01

I think many people make this kind of announcement on FB now precisely to avoid this kind of 'Well, I should have been told before Great-Auntie Nora' pecking order in phone calls.

HicDraconis · 13/01/2016 22:04

YABU - with any news, you tell whomever you want to first. You tell others later.

YANBU to feel hurt that they didn't choose to tell you among the first people, but YWBVU to expect it.

MiddleClassProblem · 13/01/2016 22:09

YANBU in that you shouldn't have found out through FB

YABU to think he may not have sent a message to a best mate who then blabbed on FB (dick move, people should be allowed to announce their own news) and people saw it and joined in.

YANBU because he still hasn't let you know yet and you should be near the top of the list

timemaychangeme · 13/01/2016 22:11

YANBU. I would have felt hurt to not be one of the first to be told. DD and her husband set up a group whatsapp thing including both sets of parents, brothers and sisters so close family were all 'told' at the same time and got lovely first pics. It also meant that once they'd had the initials congrats and we all know everyone was ok, they could get on with getting over the birth and concentrating on dgd, without having to make phonecalls.

Minisoksmakehardwork · 13/01/2016 22:12

Your dss has been tagged in posts. Which means someone who maybe knew she'd gone into labour has posted a congrats message to be the first, and others have followed suit. If there's nothing on their own pages from them directly, chances are they're getting settled down after the excitement of the birth. Don't take it personally and more importantly, be pleased for them. You have a grand baby to snuggle now. :)

BabyDubsEverywhere · 13/01/2016 22:17

We had ear ache from DH's family because we did this... I use face book to keep in touch with my friends and family, they knew I was in labour - posting the baby pic and safe arrival etc was the easiest way to let everyone know at once, (so we could get back to cuddling the baby). I still don't get the big deal about it tbh.

shazzarooney99 · 13/01/2016 22:17

My aunty died on sunday and some fecker was complaining that they haddnt been told, unfortunately it takes time to ring round relatives. they had saw a post on facebook and said something!!!!

BifsWif · 13/01/2016 22:17

Don't be too cross. When I went into labour, I saw someone i knew as I got to the hospital who then posted a message on my wall! Angry

By the time I noticed, baby had been born and everyone had seen it and congratulated me publicly on Facebook. We hadn't had chance to even speak to family at that time, and it still pisses me off 5 years on. Could something similar have happened? It only takes one person to put something on FB and it can snowball.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 13/01/2016 22:18

As Alice says ... getting offended about not being phoned is a weird reaction - they've just had a baby! Congratulations! Hope all is well - they may be quite overwhelmed, could have been an emergency section etc. Maybe they only told some key person by text (best friend? Dog sitter? The mate whose house she was at when her waters broke and who drove her to the hospital, summoned your DSS and waited with her til he got there...?) and that person put it on FB...

YANBU to be quietly a bit put out to hear the news second hand, but YABU to make it all about you, and not to consider that the news may have been "leaked" by somebody other than DSS... and to moan no MN rather than call and congratulate them :o

JessieMcJessie · 13/01/2016 22:19

If I understand correctly, your DSS didn't post the news on FB himself because you'd have seen his announcement there as you and he are FB friends? Is it possible you don't get all his news updates in your news feed? Have you checked his page to see?

If it was not him who payed, it's entirely possible the news got on to FB via someone else close family who ranks higher than you in the news- announcing hierarchy- her Mum or sibling perhaps? They won't have done it on purpose.

specialsubject · 13/01/2016 22:26

congratulations!

people should not mention on FB until proud parents release the news - I've seen a recent case of this, the parents deleted the other posts. The baby had been in SCBU although all turned out well - but this is just one reason why you let the parents announce when they are ready.

so blame the friends.

TheSecondViola · 13/01/2016 22:32

I hate facebook for this reason. Its horrible for people to find out via facebook some important news within the family.

Thats not a facebook problem, thats a your family problem.

MrsDeVere · 13/01/2016 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Yambabe · 13/01/2016 22:39

I'm not cross and I'm not offended, just a little hurt that they didn't tell us (and in fact still haven't). DH's exW has now posted weight and time too.

His phone is off so I've texted, the dozy bugger has probably run out of battery!

Oh and am knitting furiously to finish the cardi I am making, she wasn't due for another 10 days!

OP posts:
Friendlystories · 13/01/2016 22:49

DD was born in the middle of the night, SIL was a night owl and had asked DH to text her however late it was so he did but held off calling or messaging anyone else til a more sociable hour in case he woke them. Received a ranty call from his exW at 9am because SIL had posted the news on FB and my DSC had found out that way instead of direct from us. We were furious and really hadn't expected SIL to spread the news so it does happen and doesn't necessarily mean they meant to exclude you, hope it turns out to be unintentional on your DSS's part but YANBU to feel upset Flowers

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