AIBU to think that you tell close family first?

[Yambabe]

Sitting here looking at my facebook and I'm starting to see DSS and his GF getting tagged in congrats posts on my newsfeed. Mostly from his mates but also our DNiece has just chipped in.

Appears that our DGD may have been born at some point today but neither DH or I have had a text or call from DSS. There is no backstory, we are close.

AIBU to be a bit hurt?

[honeysucklejasmine]

My friends DM was the one to post on FB without permission. She got the middle name wrong too! DFriend was not impressed.

[JohnLuther]

I know how you feel OP and YANBU.

My cousin put on Facebook that our nan had died minutes after her death before my parents could tell me or my brother, I called the cousin a self absorbed cunt and deleted them from Facebook, my uncle was furious that she'd done that and it's damaged her relationship with several family members including myself.

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

skankingpiglet you are absolutely right that some people just love to be the first to tell other people's news!

I don't think it is generational or social media induced (though do agree social media makes it easier to do on a large scale).

20 plus years ago my mother told everyone my A level news before I even got home (was doing a summer holiday job that day and went into school in my lunch break, got my results, called my mum, went back to work - by the time I got home she'd told my siblings and father but also every friend who had phoned to ask me my results and tell me theirs (no mobiles back then), and had also phoned people herself to tell them! I didn't get to tell anyone at all except that one call to my mother, she told absolutely everyone else!

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

Mair that is awful, sorry for your loss.

I think announcing births and deaths are radically different things though and like comparing apples and oranges - for all people might be offended/ put out about not being top of the priority list to hear about a birth as soon as possible, nobody in their right mind is going to be upset to hear a baby has been born, whereas obviously everyone is going to be upset/ shocked/ devastated and shaken to the core (depending whether it was 98 year old great aunt in known severe long term ill health or an unexpected death) to hear of a death!

[novemberchild]

I think my Mum would be upset by this, and probably also my MIL. I think I would call them both first, if I were lucky enough to get pregnant/have another baby.

[steppedonlego]

When I had DD, me and DH told our mums, then face booked it so all the siblings would find out at the same time as all our close friends who had been really supportive and helpful through entire pregnancy.

Only people who were the least bit bothered not to be contacted directly were BIL and SIL, who raged at not receiving a phone call immediately.

We'd seen them three times in the 9 months I was pregnant.

[BumpTheElephant]

Op yanbu but it's likely that the news has got on Facebook before they've had the chance to tell family.
When I went into labour, DH was watching football at a friends house, I phoned him and asked him to come home and they all guessed I was in labour, fortunately none of them were arseholes so didn't post it on Facebook but it's easy to see how it can happen.

[sandgrown]

Oh Mairzy that must have been a really difficult time. I was shocked to see,a friend's wedding photos on Facebook before the ceremony even finished. It turned out they had asked someone to post pictures so her brother ,who was abroad and unable to attend , could follow the ceremony.

[juststeppedoutofasalon]

congratulations Grandma! She may have had a hundred likes but you'll give her a thousand cuddles.

[Mairzydoatsanddozeydoats]

My husband died quite unexpectedly and traumatically at work- I managed to tell my two sons but could not get hold of my eldest who was working abroad- I was dreading him finding it out on facebook either from my husbands work colleagues or one of my nephews and nieces. Luckily one of my other sons managed to phone him as he landed back in the country but in a really horrendous day for me it was another worry.

[nextusername]

YANBU. Facebook often enables people to behave in strange and impolite ways, this being one of them.

[Starbores]

Yanbu. We told our parents first who told our extended families for us. I texted close friends and put it on facebook the next day...I changed my settings so nobody could write on my wall or tag me in a post.

[YesICanHearYouClemFandango]

My BIL announced the birth of my son on FB, tagging me and DP, while I was still in theatre being sewn up after my EMCS.

DP had sent texts to my sister and his sister, in order for them to spread the word (to family!) that all was well. BIL, however, decided to immediately post about it on FB. So it was quite possibly on FB before most of my immediate family knew. Luckily, I don't think any of them found out this way, but they would have done if they'd logged into FB. Could that be what has happened here?

A lot of my extended family and friends didn't even know I was pregnant prior to BIL's announcement. (I had a complicated pregnancy, and 5 years of infertility prior to this pregnancy). I hadn't posted anything about it on FB at all.

At the time, I thought it was pretty rude, but I was in my newborn love bubble so I just brushed it off - I was so thrilled to finally have a baby that I wasn't going to let him spoil it for me by "stealing" my birth announcement. Thinking about it now though, I'm really pissed off!

[RubbleBubble00]

I'd be completely cross and upset by ex wife obviously being told but not his dad though as you say wouldn't say anything

[skankingpiglet]

People just love to tell other's your news and social media has just exacerbated it and ensured it really does spoil the moment for you. I've had someone find out I had gotten engaged, I told him it was still secret and we hadn't announced it yet. It didn't stop him telling one of my closest friends later that day who then called me excited but somewhat hurt I hadn't told her. I've also had a friend I'd confided in that I was pregnant with DC2 only for her to tell every mutual mum friend we have. They were too polite to let on they knew, so she announced it out loud at a playgroup we were all at that 'oh I've told them you're pregnant' The other mums all went red and uncomfortable, I went red and grumpy. I was only around 7wks, it was far too early for everyone to know. How did she think that was ok? Besides, who steals that thunder from someone?! I will never trust her with anything else again.
Sorry, rant over
OP, it's very, very likely someone else has taken it upon themselves to break the news.

[PurpleTraitor]

It is threads like this that make me happy I decided not to tell anyone at all until I felt up to telling the whole world.

So we did about six hours of baby snuggling before phone calls and face booking happened pretty much simultaneously.

I got to tell everyone myself (not delegating to DH) which is exactly what I wanted.

FB didn't exist when I had my first. Makes me feel old.

[SaggingTits]

Not unreasonable at all. Probably not intentional though, one person knows/puts it on fb then everyone knows. For this exact reason we text all our close friends and family at the same time, and I asked people not to post pictures of ds on FB for a few days. Didn't want my close friends to see my new baby at the same time as people I hadn't seen seen for 10years. Tricky though and one of the downfalls of facebook

[awkwardas78]

Oh ChicagoMD that is awful.

[MiddleClassProblem]

I genuinely think it's one of the rudest things to do, post about someone else's news on FB without their consent. Babies, engagements etc are exciting to announce and get a gazillion likes on one post then look at time hop 3 years later and see how many people wished you well all in one place

[BackforGood]

I would be hurt / upset at it too, but they obviously know some thoughtless people, so you just have to suck it up and arrange to go meet this little bundle of loveliness and not give it another moments thought.

[awkwardas78]

That's ok Yambabe that's what we are here for!! I wanted my mum to be the first one to know when I went into labour. However, my dd arrived very very quickly in the middle of the night and dh had to leave his night shift very abruptly so the only person who knew was Dh's boss and work colleagues!!!

Nothing is ever done perfectly so you just have to let these things go because in the grand scheme of things they won't matter. Hope you enjoy your first cuddles!! That's one thing Facebook can't ever spoil!!

[Swirlingasong]

It's not necessarily a generational thing. Happened to us with dc2. We rang my mum quickly after the birth as the last thing she'd seen was her daughter in screaming agony as she arrived to look after dc1 so seemed fair to put her out of her misery. Also phoned dh's parents as would not have been politic to have told my mum and not his. Then we sat back to enjoy our little new baby bubble for a few hours in the knowledge that other close family would be fine with this. Meanwhile FiL immediately rang his elderly aunt with whom we are friendly but not close. She is on Facebook just to see family photos but has no real idea how it works, who can see what etc. She immediately posted congrats on my wall for all to see. She was just trying to do a nice thing, but I was mortified that my siblings could have found out via a distant relative of dh's. Is it possible you fall into the category of people who are close but kind and understanding enough to realise how lovely it is to have a few hours of just you and the baby without the outside world? Congrats on becoming grandparents anyway!

[Viviennemary]

I don't like FB much but it's hear to stay apparently. And if people want to announce things on it that's up to them. I don't think there's any point in getting annoyed that somebody else knew before you because they wouldn't have if you'd checked FB as well.

[Yambabe]

I'm not going to complain! (Hence mentioning it on here to get it off my chest)

Can't wait to meet new DGD even if I don't officially know that she's here yet.....