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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be thinking about calling off the wedding over a "wedding watch?"

362 replies

watchwouldyoudo · 13/01/2016 14:01

,e and DH are getting married this summer. we set a budget of £20000 and are so far below that budget. we agreed at the start that anything left over would be used as spending money on our honeymoon.

DH came home the other day looking very proud of himself and said that he got himself a wedding watch. Ive never heard of such a thing, and he said that because were well under our budget that he could afford to buy himself a watch for the big day. he likes his designer watched and has a case with at elast 10 on his dresser (all rolex, omega etc).

the watch he bought cost £4000! His reasoning was that my dress, ring, shoes, hair, makeup and bridesmaids dresses/shoes/gifts cost more than his watch did and were still under budget. wed still leave us with 1000 to take on our honeymoon. I am absolutely fuming that he'd spend so much money just on himself. we had a big row and he went to sleep round his mums place (didnt even take the watch wtih him). im seriously considering calling off the wedding. how can he not see this from my point of viwe?

OP posts:
Leelu6 · 13/01/2016 15:37

i have friends that i lunch with regularly in the area.

I was going to comment on that but then OP had to go all sensible and admit that she's 'started to see things from his side' Grin

I was hoping this was going to turn out like yesterday's Non-London Buggy thread! Alas...

50000LiraForMyThoughts · 13/01/2016 15:37

When is your particular episode of Big Fat Gypsy Weddings going to be aired, OP?

firesidechat · 13/01/2016 15:39

To be honest a £20,000 wedding when the dress costs £3,500 (is that right?) and the groom thinks nothing of spending £4,000 on a watch, sounds remarkably cheap.

Kennington · 13/01/2016 15:43

To play Devils advocate - he is right, the dress and ring and bridesmaid paraphernalia will come to this so why not spend 4 k on a watch.
A wedding isn't just about the bride and 20k is a lot of money.
I would be annoyed too - I would have spent it on overpaying my mortgage!

shoeaddict83 · 13/01/2016 15:47

leelu i was still chuckling about that thread this morning! quite gutted it had to end!!

AlwaysStarving · 13/01/2016 15:50

Leave him alone it is his money too so he can buy it and quite frankly you seem as if you have a fair amount of money to be able to afford such luxuries. If you barely had enough money to pay the bills and he bought a £4000 watch then it would be a diff scenario altogether, but quite frankly your position is one that many people would love to be in. I also don't believe he is chauvinistic or that you should 'run for the hills' as some MN's have said. Marriages are not all fun and games believe me, so take this as a learning curve and talk it out. You learn from experience and mistakes, take this as one. Good luck to you both.

amarmai · 13/01/2016 15:51

My dd got a similar offer and the wd be h's father told me how lucky she was that she'd never have to work . Then my big mouth opened up as always and i said i wanted my dd to get a good edu, go to uni, get good qualifications , get a good job, earn good money and be independant. The man stared at me in disgust and said not another word. She did all of that and it will stand her in good stead all her life. So ,op, if you are going ahead with this arrangement ,do you have a plan B ? e.g.you cd do an online degree at MIT in between the housekeeping . I'd start right away before the baby comes. Also have you signed a prenup .

ImperialBlether · 13/01/2016 15:56

OP, the best thing you could spend your/his money on is a good education.

You sound very young. You've not had enough education. You're marrying a man who isn't treating you like an equal. If you want to marry him, that's fine, but even things up a bit.

Go back to college. Do a degree or professional training. Get a proper job. A career. You can still have lunch with friends. If you're too busy to clean the house when you're working, buy in help. But for god's sake don't sit there doing nothing at the prime of your life. Don't waste this one life you've got. If you do, you will end up making compromises. What choice can you make if you're unhappy when you're 40, if you haven't worked for years?

mommy2ash · 13/01/2016 15:56

I've always thought the bride costs way more at a wedding than the groom. I don't really disagree with him

jaffacake2 · 13/01/2016 15:58

You live in a "very large house with a maid " yet you are worrying about not having enough money for a honeymoon ?
The wedding budget came from your future in laws. So what part is being paid by either of you guys ? Clearly you have plenty of money This is again sounding not quite right.

PrivatePike · 13/01/2016 16:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 13/01/2016 16:01

'i left school at 16 and have only ever done basic jobs like working in supermarkets or shops. we have a very large house so wed need a maid if i worked. i have friends that i lunch with regularly in the area. '

Well then, sounds like you're on to a winner here with being the little wifey kept at home doing the cleaning. Let's hope he doesn't wise up and want someone a little more ambitious before the wedding or get you to sign a prenup.

NotNowBono · 13/01/2016 16:02

stillstayingclassy me too, with that casual ladies-who-lunch and wedding-list-for-honeymoon drip feed!

WhyDoesGastonBark · 13/01/2016 16:03

New watch for a wedding isn't unheard of.

ImperialBlether · 13/01/2016 16:04

I can still remember the Celebrity Homes in the Sun or summat where a well known footballer was looking for a villa. His fiancée, a hairdresser, was with him. The villas they looked at were worth millions and of course hardly any of them were good enough for them, though they did choose one for £5 million, I think.

At the end of the programme it said they hadn't gone ahead with the purchase because they'd split.

I always think of that poor girl - so near, yet so far!

WilLiAmHerschel · 13/01/2016 16:07

Op do you not feel a bit bad when you're out with your friends eating lunch, that your husband-to-be is out working hard to pay for it? If I were you, I'd want to help in the family business or get some education/training so I could be financially independent in the future.

unimaginativename13 · 13/01/2016 16:08

I find it hard to believe that you've only allocated £11k ( maybe including honeymoon) on a wedding that warrants a £4K dressing.

Do you have any guests?

MotherofFlagons · 13/01/2016 16:08

Sigh.

Here we go again.

arethereanyleftatall · 13/01/2016 16:10

Do you not feel guilty when you're out to lunch etc spending his money?
I really would, regardless of whether id stuck the washing machine on that morning.

Katenka · 13/01/2016 16:11

Firstly regarding the not working...honestly OP you are setting yourself up for a fall if you were to split.

I doubt you will call the wedding off.

But tbh, I can see his point. You have spent thousands out of the budget on yourself for the big day. An engagement ring, hair doing etc?

I don't see the issue with the watch, except he probably should have talked to you first. But I can't fault his reasoning.

I do suspect though as this is 'his families money' as it were, you may find this coming up again and again when you are married. Him spending what he wants.

Honestly regarding employment, it's not about whether he wants a tidy home or you to have a job. It's about what you want.

If you are happy to stay at home do it. But please just think about the implications if you split. If you work the household stuff is to be divided between you both. If you decided to get a cleaner that's up to you and him.

But the housework isn't automatically your responsibility

Mrsjamesbond911 · 13/01/2016 16:12

maybe he could sell a few of the others?? you could both have a clear out, clear the air.. i think also depends on how much he earns and how much cash you have.. he might not think 4k is a lot and wonder what the big deal is?

whois · 13/01/2016 16:12

£4k???? On a fucking watch???

Nope. Not my kind of man.

whois · 13/01/2016 16:14

But you're not my kind of woman either OP, what with the not supporting yourself. So I guess you are both well suited.

50000LiraForMyThoughts · 13/01/2016 16:15

How old are you OP, and how old is he?

APlaceOnTheCouch · 13/01/2016 16:18

YANBU - you are being incredibly entitled, selfish and spoiled. Although the money came from his parents, it's his inheritance so basically he is paying for the wedding and decided to spend some of the money on a watch which, unlike your dress, will probably retain if not appreciate in value and can be worn more than once. And, for that you are considering calling off the wedding? Shock Back away from the temper tantrum, princess, or he may find someone else to spend his family fortune on.

I hope you're joking.