AIBU to be thinking about calling off the wedding over a "wedding watch?"

[watchwouldyoudo]

,e and DH are getting married this summer. we set a budget of £20000 and are so far below that budget. we agreed at the start that anything left over would be used as spending money on our honeymoon.

DH came home the other day looking very proud of himself and said that he got himself a wedding watch. Ive never heard of such a thing, and he said that because were well under our budget that he could afford to buy himself a watch for the big day. he likes his designer watched and has a case with at elast 10 on his dresser (all rolex, omega etc).

the watch he bought cost £4000! His reasoning was that my dress, ring, shoes, hair, makeup and bridesmaids dresses/shoes/gifts cost more than his watch did and were still under budget. wed still leave us with 1000 to take on our honeymoon. I am absolutely fuming that he'd spend so much money just on himself. we had a big row and he went to sleep round his mums place (didnt even take the watch wtih him). im seriously considering calling off the wedding. how can he not see this from my point of viwe?

I'm afraid being the kept woman means you have little say in how he spends his money - and as his parents gave it to him it is his money.
However
If you are thinking of calling off the wedding over that then I think there are deeper issues
If you dont you need to accept this is part of his personality and simply the way things will be, do you have to ask his permission to buy things? perhaps he thinks you'd be equally free and easy to make a big purchase if you wanted to.
My husband bought himself a rolex prior to our wedding and thinks nothing of stupid big purchases. stares at stupid impracticable convertible on driveway but that's him. I think hes stupid the way he spends his money, he thinks the way I spend it is stupid - but we KNOW that about each other and we don't care, theres so much more.....but if you cant get your head round this then yes call off the wedding, because marriage is hard work and I promise you there will be tougher things to face moving forward

I don't see the issue here. You both spent the same amount of money on things you wanted. In fact, if it is his parent's money, I think you are the one that is out of order.

I give it 12 months. Have a kid then start saving for the divorce.

omg, just come back from the shops to see this has gone a bit crazy!

to answer a few questions that have come up from reading the responses.

he does not mind if i work or not. i left school at 16 and have only ever done basic jobs like working in supermarkets or shops. we have a very large house so wed need a maid if i worked. i have friends that i lunch with regularly in the area.

he only works away a few times a year and thats only ever going up north and maybe to belfast. i have no worries about him being faithful so dont mind if he dorsnt wear a ring.

having read some of the responses saying that hes within his right to do this ive started to see things from his side. i still think that he should of at least told me first but we still have money to spend on our honeymoon. anything left over was just going to be extra spending money as were asking for contributions to our honeymioon instead of wedding gifts.

"It's not the 1950's the person at home doesn't need to do housework get a cleaner."

Rubbish. If I am working full time, and funding somebody to stay at home without working, giving them money for extravagant purchases, and there are no children involved, then that person can load the dishwasher after breakfast. It's just basic good manners and partnership.

If children are in the equation then the parent at home is obviously very far from being unemployed, but I don't see why a man or woman who is working full time and supporting another able-bodied adult should also be expected pay for a cleaner "because it's not 1950".

And again Im not saying OPs DH to be is an abuser - I dont know - just that the warning signs are there. Ive known someone very similar - would never come right out and say to his partner that she wasnt allowed to do something but would phrase it in such a manipulative way it basically meant the same thing because his partner always ended up behaving the way he wanted, not what she wanted.

These numbers don't add up, if you are having the sort of wedding a £3,800 dress wouldn't look out of place at there would be no change from £20,000 let alone enough to buy a watch and a holiday.

"we have a very large house so wed need a maid if i worked."

Are you for real?!

I can't believe the number of people who've interpreted him as saying he doesn't want her to work. I think her not working will (if anything) be more her idea than his. And that he's the one who may regret marrying someone who will contribute so much less to the marriage.

He will have pretty much no choice to provide for both of them. He can't not pay the mortgage if she doesn't do the dusting*. She will have him over a barrel, she can do or not do whatever she likes, as long as it doesn't piss him off enough to want a divorce. And if she does miscalculate, she can take half "his" money with her in the divorce.

• or whatever else it is that he thinks she is going to contribute.

*Expatinscotland
*
Exactly what I thought the min I read that!
''*he also said he doesn't want a ring as they dont suit him'

Of course not. Wouldn't want to wear one on those business trips away.*'

He wants you to do all the household jobs, even if you do work. You must tell him when spending any of ''his'' money but it's perfectly fine for him to splash 4 grand on a soddin watch without even telling you 1st. And he runs off to his mums when u have a barney? This is all worrying but teamed with
'He doesn't want a ring'
Oh dear!

he does not mind if i work or not. i left school at 16 and have only ever done basic jobs like working in supermarkets or shops. we have a very large house so wed need a maid if i worked. i have friends that i lunch with regularly in the area

Ok but what do you want? How do you feel about not working?

But it's his earnings that enable her not to work if she doesn't want to. So what is she doing in exchange for her keep? In his position, it'd be reasonable to be a bit pissed off if he had to do equal shares in 'wifework' when he got home from the office.

What is the female version of 'cocklodger'?

Don't you want to do anything with your life OP? Apart from being married?

fannylodger I believe.

What is the female version of 'cocklodger'?

Golddigger

My spidey sense is tingling .

fannylodger I believe

No idea why but that made me laugh!

Well of course he would be allowed some free time to do his own thing.

he does not mind if i work or not. i left school at 16 and have only ever done basic jobs like working in supermarkets or shops. we have a very large house so wed need a maid if i worked. i have friends that i lunch with regularly in the area

ive started to see things from his side

Very sensible. It's clear which side your bread's buttered. Now get that ring on your finger and a bun in the oven asap.

VagineVisitor

This is getting weird. Very weird.

Laguna

i like having time during the day to see my friends and run errands for both of us. he works very hard to run a large business and provide a life that we both enjyo.

Well in that case OP if youre happy....and thats what you want from life - whilst I still think he should have discussed spending that amount of money on the watch Ive changed my mind and dont really think you are in much a position to be as pissed off that you would consider calling off the wedding (unless there are other danger signs there of course).

Is your fiancee is taking you on a camping holiday for your honeymoon then?
I would seriously ask because he reduced that budget by 400%.

You like being able to not work and spending his money but not when he's spending his money on himself. Righto.