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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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AIBU to think woman in soft play was rude and unhelpful

287 replies

fassbendersmistress · 08/01/2016 16:45

Sorry...it's a bit long...(and about soft play to boot.

Put money in air hockey machine to play with DS (3) and Dsis. 4 boys, about 2/3 yrs older than DS came over and tried to grab the equipment. I said, in a really friendly way, we had paid our money and DS was playing. They hung around the table trying to grab the puck and demanding a turn, shouting it wasn't fair...I told them if they wanted to play they could go ask their mums. They kept reaching onto the table. I told them several times to be careful/watch their fingers etc...no drama, just a bit annoying but par for the course in soft play. So at one point when they all had their hands in front of Dsis trying to grab the puck, yet again holding up the game, I said to her just to play on and if they got their hands caught they got their hands caught. Bear in mind they'd been asked very nicely many times to move hands and this was a VERY gentle game - puck travelling at snail pace! She was not about to smash it into their fingers.

At this point a woman appeared beside me and gave me a filthy look. She moved next to the boys who were still reaching and grabbing but didn't stop them, just continued to stare me out. So I asked her why the look. She told me I couldn't speak like that to the children. I explained I had only asked children politely to take their hands off the table (it would have been obvious to anyone watching they were really disrupting the game but we weren't actually making any big fuss about this). She told me that one of the boys had SN and that I was a disgrace. She said she wasn't his parent but that she knew him and I was totally out of order to say that Dsis should play on and that 'the boy could get his hands caught'. She just kept saying 'he has SN FGS'....that I had 'no idea'. This all took place over 5 minutes. At no point did any other adult approach the kids. She didn't attempt to get the parent of the child with SN. For what was left of our game, she stood by the table giving me filthy looks, allowing the children she apparently knew and at least one of whom was hers, to continue grabbing away. When the game finished outraged woman went and got a hug from her friend.

Now, I accept that I probably shouldn't have said the comment about them getting their fingers caught out loud...(it wasn't actually said to or overheard by any of the children)...but AIBU to think she totally overreacted to that? Common sense would have told her there was no actual threat to little fingers being deliberately bashed by an adult.

And AIBU to think that her telling me the child had SN made no difference to the situation because the whole time I continued to just talk to all the children in a friendly way. I was tolerating their behaviour the whole time just trying to manage it so DS could have something of a game. Knowing one of the children had SN wasn't going to change my approach of continue to tell them to stand back, let us play and watch their hands for the 5 mins or so the game lasted. Surely it's better to get the parent involved who knows their child and how to help them if they're in a disruptive situation?

OP posts:
ArkATerre · 08/01/2016 19:45

Stampy- stamping your feet
OPKs - Other People's Kids

AliceInUnderpants · 08/01/2016 19:46

Oh FFS. Talk about setting back SN awareness 10 years.

And I don't mean the parents of NT children!!

honkinghaddock · 08/01/2016 19:47

There is some behaviour you can do nothing about and people shouldn't be expected to continually explain behaviour such as making loud noises or banging on things.

Waltermittythesequel · 08/01/2016 19:47

Ark you're telling people to jog on for talking about 'usual' posters, then calling people knobs? Really?

Who here has been nasty about children with SN?

AliceInUnderpants · 08/01/2016 19:47

Totally couldn't understand what Ovulation Predicter Kits had to do with it Grin

AliceInUnderpants · 08/01/2016 19:49

May I suggest some posters take a read of this article

t.co/YkhF3Pa2rU

multivac · 08/01/2016 19:50

I think you're on the wrong thread, hh

29redshoes · 08/01/2016 19:52

ark I think you're confusing me with someone else, I haven't told anyone they "always say that". Thanks for telling me/whoever that was aimed at to jog on though, nice example of that tolerance you were talking about!

DixieNormas · 08/01/2016 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

multivac · 08/01/2016 19:53

...and Ark, the farmer called - she wants her straw back. You may have to dismantle that figure you've made with it.

multivac · 08/01/2016 19:55

I have 11-year-olds. 'Stampy' only means one thing to me; and he is, like, so last year...

ArkATerre · 08/01/2016 19:55

I have zero time for people who take swipes at posters talking about stuff they know about, 29redshoes. As you might have noticed. I don't bother Reporting, I just tend to call it.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/01/2016 19:56

What a load of sanctimonious bull that article is.

MistressMerryWeather · 08/01/2016 19:56

Oh FFS. Talk about setting back SN awareness 10 years. And I don't mean the parents of NT children!!

How so?

honkinghaddock · 08/01/2016 19:56

The writer of that article hasn't got a child with severe sn.

IoraRua · 08/01/2016 19:57

Am with you on that Dixie. The other three were old enough to understand their behaviour was wrong, as they didn't have SN (or Entitled Woman didn't say it to OP, anyway).
I would have sent them off to do something else, rather than hang around and bother OP.

multivac · 08/01/2016 19:59

"What a load of sanctimonious bull that article is"

yy

multivac · 08/01/2016 19:59

...but that's how this thread is rolling...

DixieNormas · 08/01/2016 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AliceInUnderpants · 08/01/2016 20:00

honking The writer of that article hasn't got a child with severe sn.

Eh? Is there a hierarchy of 'entitlement'? She has children with disabilities. She won't let them use them an an excuse. Does it matter if someone might have a more 'severe' disability?

DancingDinosaur · 08/01/2016 20:02

Why am I not surprised with your whats the point waltermitty, judging by your previous confrontational cow, the cow is being a cow comments. Obviously you don't want to think any deeper into it then. So yep, I see there clearly is no point.

29redshoes · 08/01/2016 20:02

ark you're calling me out on something I didn't say, or even allude to? An even better example of how to get along with others!

ArkATerre · 08/01/2016 20:03

The article is one parent's take on autism and associated behaviours. It's not a template for all parents to adhere to.
If you go to a public place you might have to tolerate behaviour, from both children and adults, that you might find irritating.
Just because one adult didn't adequately supervise some DC doesn't mean you should threaten to let them injure themselves, or draw any conclusions about children with additional needs. Or the posters that might point out that that's a stupid thing to do.

honkinghaddock · 08/01/2016 20:03

She cannot apply her situation to a child with no understanding.

MistressMerryWeather · 08/01/2016 20:04

Alice, that blog is anecdotal bullshit.

Why did you suggest people read it, what does it prove?

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