to dread this party....

[George2014]

Ds5 had a party invite a week ago that I've been mithering over. The bottom line is, I just don't want to go!

It's a swimming party but then party and food after - sort of combo in a leisure centre thing for a few hours. Any non confidant swimmers must have an parent in the pool with them.

This pool is usually freezing at the best of times and it's the beginning of feb. Most 5 yr olds aren't confidant enough to be left alone on water so there will be a lot of hanging about in the water freezing cold with other suitably shrivelled up parents.

I don't want to get my swimmers on in this setting nor do I want to see other playground colleagues in theirs. I'm pasty, wobbly and had surgery last year :-(

Then we have to get out (I'm a dignified fashion), get changed and be ready to party - I normally look such a mess after swimming and need make up and straighteners to get sorted but it'll be a quick 5-10 mins then into party bit so I'll have to stand there, damp, looking like an utter mess for another 1-2 hrs while monitoring food / party stuff.

Ds is in a role in the school where he feels really uncomfortable taking ds - bit like over stepping the familiarity boundary/a little inappropriate for him to attend lol!

Please tell me it won't be bad and swimming parties are great.....I really don't want to go!

Mintol:

Well, 18 kids screaming, giggling and clearly having fun is a good sign they enjoyed it :)

I needed a 1:4 adult to child ratio, which was perfect. Parents who like larking around in the water with children did so. Those who preferred no to, didn't. Everyone happy.

BTW, OP, one mum just calmly said that I hoped she didn't mind, but she really wasn't confident in the water and would I mind terribly if she didn't swim but she was happy to help out if needed. I genuinely don't know if this was the real reason, but it was absolutely fine. Again, all parties happy.

Glad you fond someone to help out.

Katy

I had awful acne for years when I was younger. Even though I've done many things to eradicate the acne/scars and now enjoy a nice complexion I still can't really go many places without at least a base on. Mentally I still have the acne. So make up is quite a crutch for me. Lots of women guffaw at this but I don't care. Nothing wrong with it. That would be like me telling them they should wear it, because their naked ugly face offends me or something. Pretty stupid, right.

You will get commented on in life either for wearing it or for daring to go make up free and looking less than perfect in public. Who cares. Everyone's a critic. I suppose some people mistake it for vanity.

I use Estée Lauder double wear, it stays on well in the swimming pool. Plus a touch of waterproof mascara if you are a natural blonde with invisible eyelashes. And how about putting up a messy bun using one of those very small donut things before you go. It's not an oscar worthy look but enough to make you feel presentable at a pool. Everyone probably feels the same too though, just keep that in mind.

Don't give a hoot what people think, honestly. They are just people, like you. The nice ones aren't going to judge you whatever you do.

I wouldn't blame you for not going either. Do what you need to do. The babysitting thing is a good idea. I used to do it many years ago and I'd take the girls everywhere. As long as it's somebody you trust implicitly, especially as it takes place in water.

Hope it all works out OP.

For all those saying 'all had fun' you never know that unfortunately. Kids have fun being with other kids even if they do double french with extra spellings. Grown ups will always tell you what a lovely party it was. I go a few times a year to the same kiddie party place. It is a hellhole, hot, smelly, boring and claustrophobic. Guess what I say as we leave. Well that was shit, why do it here? No. Of course I say Thank you for a fabulous party!

Plus the parties at the hellhole are getting smaller every year, but people don't say, sorry, I'm not going to that horrible place again, they say sorry, cousin is coming or ds has football training...

I went to a swimming party for a 6 year old today. The party mum (my SIL) had arranged for the grandparents and other relatives (myself included) to be in the pool. There was a 1:4 ratio and it was in a shallow pool with a lifeguard. None of the party guest parents went in the pool, some sat on the side, others up on the gallery.

I thought that was a good way to host a pool party - parents could have gone in if they wanted, but they didn't have to as the ratio was already covered.

I find it quite sad that so many women are so worried about what they look like in a swimming costume they wouldn't take their child to a party.

Now the standing around in cold water I can sympathise with - and then when your handy go "pruney" eewww!

Totally agree with AngryMo. Although I can see the OP point too the waves of negativity towards an activity that has the capability to save your child's life is appalling.
I had a pool party when I was 5, however I could swim by the time I was 5. My Dad was in the pool with me, ironically my Dad couldn't swim. But he made sure I could swim after his brother drowned.
I ended up competing and later teaching and coaching and having done my adult and child qualification and worked with parents and toddlers in the water the younger you introduce a child to the aquatic environment with an aim to establishing water confidence the better. The whole experience heightens bonding, improves gross and fine motor control, co-ordination skills.
Sadly I was basically Keppra'd out of a job when I reacted badly to a drug and had to shut down my business; otherwise I would say ex-swimming teacher available for pool parties, still has wet-suit and numerous colourful swimsuits, PVG and insurance, used to being in the water for long periods I believe like my Dad it is so important that you learn to swim.

The outpouring of negativity regarding pool parties is frankly shocking. The ASA publishes statistics regarding the number of children that fail to achieve a minimum standard for swimming. The baseline is that by the end of primary education children are expected to be able to swim 25m, forgive me if the figures have changed but last time I checked (2013) 51% of 7-11 year olds could not swim 25m unaided. www.swimming.org/assets/uploads/library/School_Swimming_Census_2013.pdf

I have spent decades working in aquatics. No word of a lie, the kids who come on fastest are the kids who come to the pool outwith swimming 'lessons' and see swimming as a family fun activity. Sometimes it evolves into synchro, scuba, canoeing or club swimming but they are the kids who will come on fastest. The kids who only come for once a week lessons whether it be with a private tutor or with the school will take longer to learn to swim. The kids i taught that had school lessons I often asked what difficulties they had in the class and we worked on the school lesson problems in the private lesson time!

So what that it might spoil your precious hair, if the pool is very cold I would ask questions 27 degrees is competition temp 32-4 degrees is high enough for a spa or therapy pool. Suck it up its your kids day, you get costumes that can cover EVERYTHING these days and pull everything in. If necessary, check out thermal rash vest on ebay.

I assure you as someone who is missing a chunk of hair that does show when it is wet. Everyone in a pool is to concerned with their own appearance to worry about yours. The only people watching everyone are lifeguards, and speaking as an ex lifeguard, we dont care what you look like, we just dont want you to get into trouble; go and make sure your kid has fun.

Ah you see, you like swimming, so you are of course going to view it like that.
I loathe it. I never take my dcs to the pool, it's not a fun family activity afaic, it's miserable andoud and wet and smelly and cold and slippery and...I could go on.
We go on holiday once a year, where we all have a swim in the sea. Perfectly pleasant and that does me as far as swimming is concerned.

I believe the life-saving aspect is somewhat misleading as most children who drown do so in the math or garden pond iirc so ability to swim is irrelevant.

Bath, not math, obviously. Stupid phone.

God I had to man one of these at 7pm on a Saturday. The time I am usually opening a bottle of wine and thinking about either cooking a lovely dinner with dh or going out not standing freezing in a kids pool.

I am a fair weather swimmer we swim pretty much daily in a lovely outdoor heated pool 5 mins walk from the house only open may - sept so I feel no guilt whatsoever at avoiding the dire communal council pool during winter and slightly resented having to go in on a sat night..

Notsobadpharma I'm not really sure what your point is....not loving the idea of a swimming party has nothing to do with kids learning to swim!!!!

Ds has weekly swim lessons out of school and has done for 4.5 yrs, he has swimming lessons in the school pool half of the year and fun swim sessions at lunch time, I take him 1-2 times a month for fun swimming and we live in the pool when on holiday.

He's very confidant in water but at just 5 and a boy, he will mess about with his friends and get near the deep end so he's too young to be trusted alone in the pool without an adult (the host won't allow it anyway - parent has to go in). His swimming skills are getting there though and I totally prioritise a love of water and swimming skill.

However, I still don't want to stand in a freezing pool on a Sunday afternoon in winter watching uncomfortably at the (likely) dads and make small talk while the kids muck about (I like fun swimming with ds 1:1 but he won't be playing with me at a party!).....totally different.

A couple of points that have been brought up. I loved the water so that affected my attitude on this thread. I do now but as a small child I didnt I family mythology told stories of my mother taking me to the pool in tears, screaming and kicking until my non swimming Dad told her to throw me to him. (In my years as a teacher I heard from many people who had this happen to them who had issues learning to swim; oddly in quite a few teaching/coaching forums i met other 'thrown in' swimmers) Basically, I wouldn't advise it but it was how Dad taught me to dog paddle.

Most children drown in baths and ponds. Really? Can you back that up? We are an island and we are full of waterways and in case you haven't noticed also prone to flooding in areas. www.swimmingpoolnews.co.uk/pages/news98.html 52% of deaths in inland waters and 22% at harbours - these stats may be 2010 but I think it may take an awful lot of bath and pond fatalities to reverse that trend.

Why am I bothered? Because my Dad who took me to the pool every sunday threw me about, let me swim back to him, watched me dive for things and have a whale of a time; all things I know now were confidence building for me and made me into a much better swimmer. He took me for the reason many of you MN mentioned, my mother disliked the cold, wet, hair ruining pool. I only found out when my Dad was dying of cancer that he couldnt swim, and only went in with me to make sure I swam.

OP so you cant see why not loving a pool party would have no affect on a child learning to swim? Without fail when I have had a parent come to me with a child that is having problems at swimming/coming along slowly/nervous/has a specific issue, usually submerging, they are struggling with and I chat to the parent and I ask 'Do you swim yourself? the reply will be 'No/Yes, but..I don't like to get out of my depth/Yes but I'm not very good'
The more kids relate the water to being fun the more they will enjoy and try at swimming lessons. If it is viewed as something that is a trial or a hassle, swimming becomes a pain, kit it forgotten and eventually when they no longer have to take part, they no longer swim, missing out on an excellent form of no impact exercise.

Children pick up on the anxiety that the parent feels toward the activity, for whatever reason and wonder why they are being taken to something that makes their carer anxious. Should they be scared too they think?

If you are very nervous why not lobby your local pool to start family lessons and learn to swim with your child. A colleague of mine once tried to start that up, I don't know how far she got. Sounded good though.

For anyone that thinks that 5 is too young to be swimming, check out any Australian Swim Schools online. This is just our culture. I wouldn't have a 5 yr old unsupervised, but with the right tuition at that age they are perfectly capable of being competent swimmers. If Janet Evans could do tumble turns at 4 yrs...

If it helps - DD was invited to one recently, and I didn't know til I got there that the other parents would be going in the water.

Had to borrow a costume from a friend and had no towel to dry self afterwards! But it was OK. Managed to get self dry and dressed and dignified for party bit.

DD is 7 and can swim well, but i thought I'd better go in if everyone else was!

www.capt.org.uk/resources/drowning

It says that young children are most likely to drown in bath or a pond.
Half of the under-5 drownings in 2010 were in the bath.
It also states that there were 28 drownings altogether (children under 15) which seems very low to me. I mean, obviously the lower the better, so that is a good thing.

Notsobadpharma not sure you are actually reading my replies - we don't need family swim lessons. I can swim and am very confidant, as is ds. I love the water and take him swimming regularly plus his has lessons locally and at school. My issues about this party are not about mine or ds' lack of skill or confidence in the pool - read the posts please!

There are a number of recent posts on this thread which are very fine examples of people not really reading the original post properly and certainly not bothering to read the thread.