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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to dread this party....

166 replies

George2014 · 07/01/2016 22:49

Ds5 had a party invite a week ago that I've been mithering over. The bottom line is, I just don't want to go!

It's a swimming party but then party and food after - sort of combo in a leisure centre thing for a few hours. Any non confidant swimmers must have an parent in the pool with them.

This pool is usually freezing at the best of times and it's the beginning of feb. Most 5 yr olds aren't confidant enough to be left alone on water so there will be a lot of hanging about in the water freezing cold with other suitably shrivelled up parents.

I don't want to get my swimmers on in this setting nor do I want to see other playground colleagues in theirs. I'm pasty, wobbly and had surgery last year :-(

Then we have to get out (I'm a dignified fashion), get changed and be ready to party - I normally look such a mess after swimming and need make up and straighteners to get sorted but it'll be a quick 5-10 mins then into party bit so I'll have to stand there, damp, looking like an utter mess for another 1-2 hrs while monitoring food / party stuff.

Ds is in a role in the school where he feels really uncomfortable taking ds - bit like over stepping the familiarity boundary/a little inappropriate for him to attend lol!

Please tell me it won't be bad and swimming parties are great.....I really don't want to go!

OP posts:

yakari · 08/01/2016 06:57

If the decision is to go then work on how to minimise the damage.
Can your hair go up in a ponytail /messy bun both in the pool and after? Do you have decent but warm clothes to put on after wards but that don't require any faff (ie yoga pants not jeans or tights)? Could you get your eyelashes tinted before hand? Just work out whatever works to make you feel a bit less blah.
As for DS if he's lively but not a great swimmer can he have a ring or armbands so you don't need to go in so much to corral him? And whatever you do refuse - and blame your lovely but lively DS - to take responsibility for any other kid, trust me someone will have the cheek to ask.

It is a pants idea for a reception party but new school / new friends - yep I'd suck it up for the sake of the DC

exLtEveDallas · 08/01/2016 07:05

It's a pants idea, but seriously, what does it matter if other parents see you at less than your best?

Why do you care how others see you? Surely it's better to be the 'fun mum' giving your child a great time, splashing, messing about, laughing and joining in, rather than being the one stood still, worrying about make-up and hair styles.

If these people are likely to judge you by how you look, then why would you want to be friends with them?

(I am far more likely to judge the parent who doesnt get involved than the one that does)

SavoyCabbage · 08/01/2016 07:07

Tell him he is not to be a live wire next to you this time. He's got friends to play with in the pool at the party. You are there for legal reasons. Not to play with.

While you are there sign him up for six weeks of intensive lessons in the summer holidays so that if this happens again, he's a brilliant swimmer and you don't have to get in!

Bunbaker · 08/01/2016 07:17

"and need make up and straighteners to get sorted"

Your other reasons for not wanting to get in the pool are perfectly valid. The ones above are just ridiculous. No-one is going to judge you, honestly.

If you son really wants to go then you should just suck it up. If most of the parents think like you do, imagine how disappointed the birthday child is going to be when hardly anyone turns up at his party just because their mums don't want to get their hair wet. This shouldn't be about you.

Although I do think a swimming party for 5 year olds is a daft idea.

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 08/01/2016 07:20

Send your DH, I can't think of any role at the school he could have that would make it unsuitable for him to attend with how own child.

KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth · 08/01/2016 07:29

I've declined swimming parties for this reason. Stupid idea, especially for kids so young!

noeffingidea · 08/01/2016 07:40

Personally I think any party where the parents have to stay with the kids is a stupid idea. The swimming pool part wouldn't bother me, having to hang round at a kids party when I could be doing something more useful and interesting would though.
Having said that, in your position, I would put a long loose t-shirt on over my costume and stand in the pool. There's no need to get your hair wet, though you probably will get splashed.
Failing that, could you sign your son up for a quick course of swimming lessons so that he is more confident and you don't have to go with him?

Jinglebells99 · 08/01/2016 07:41

I agree that you should said your husband in. Usually men don't have the same crisis of body image that we do no matter what their shape. What is his role at the school? I can't think of anything either that would prevent his getting in with his son?

chrome100 · 08/01/2016 07:43

Surely you don't need to do your make up and straighten your hair for a kids' party?

I think you are over thinking it. Don't worry too much.

Pyjamaramadrama · 08/01/2016 08:09

I wouldn't be jumping for joy either but I think you should go.

Also I don't believe your dh is in a role where it would be inappropriate, it's swimming not a hot tub.

People do get very upright about swimming and actually nobody is going to be looking at you,

Just wear some comfy clothes, tie your hair up and keep your towel by the pool.

TheSecondViola · 08/01/2016 09:01

Wanting to use make up and straighten hair us a perfectly valid choice, telling op she's ridiculous for wanting to is as bad as telling her she should. Its her choice how she likes to look. Bully for you if you feel comfortable and confident in a swim suit with no paint on but some of us don't.

I wouldn't go to a swim party for a four year old. Ridiculous idea and half the invitees will not attend either.

yorkshapudding · 08/01/2016 09:29

I work with children and families and honestly can't think of any professional role your DH could be in that would mean it was inappropriate for him to take his own 5 year old DC to a swimming party

Branleuse · 08/01/2016 09:51

just say that neither of you can swim, so youll have to decline. Stupid idea for 5 year olds. A huge amount of that age group wont be swimming yet

Pyjamaramadrama · 08/01/2016 10:27

What about the birthday child? I wonder how he/she will feel if no one turns up to their party because all the parents are too vain to go swimming.

xmasseason · 08/01/2016 10:33

Good point Pyjama

reni2 · 08/01/2016 10:37

And second the pps who have said there cannot be a role that prevents your dh from going. He is probably just nervous about looking good in swimming trunks, same as you. It's not a swingers party, but a kiddie splash.

Pyjamaramadrama · 08/01/2016 10:43

Exactly, I can't think of anything where it would be inappropriate to go swimming

reni2 · 08/01/2016 10:44

Bet it will be a mostly-dads plus a couple of very confident mums do.

reni2 · 08/01/2016 10:46

A bit like those "come to my rugby party in the park" invites. Wot, rugger in the rain in November? Classic dad party, off you pop, my love.

purplehazed · 08/01/2016 10:47

I hate these swimming parties, too many excited kids and water is a bad combination imo. So much faffing and loads of supervision required. I wouldn't go.

jazzandh · 08/01/2016 10:56

When there have been pool parties at my sons' school it has been Dads. Several Dad teachers at the school (incl deputy head) - they all muck in ..they are in parent mode!!

WhyDoesGastonBark · 08/01/2016 11:04

My 3 year old had a swimming party... All the parents got in, it was nice and warm. The kids had a blast and the time went really quickly, all the party food was ate by kids and parents as everyone was starving after swimming. We invited 20 kids, they all came.

His cousin (6) had one too - same thing.

I didn't have a clue that anybody actually felt this way?! But our crowd all seem to like parties, both parents come, we catch up and socialise.

TheSecondViola · 08/01/2016 11:16

What about the birthday child? I wonder how he/she will feel if no one turns up to their party because all the parents are too vain to go swimming.

Well, being FOUR, they will have no actual concept of why people didn't come. And if they have a problem, it should be with their damn fool parents for arranging a swimming pool party for such young children.
It's not my job to make your child happy, thanks.

WorraLiberty · 08/01/2016 12:06

If no-one turns up, I would place the blame squarely on the shoulders of whoever thought a swimming party for 4 and 5 year old children was a good idea.

Flamingflume · 08/01/2016 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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