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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to dread this party....

166 replies

George2014 · 07/01/2016 22:49

Ds5 had a party invite a week ago that I've been mithering over. The bottom line is, I just don't want to go!

It's a swimming party but then party and food after - sort of combo in a leisure centre thing for a few hours. Any non confidant swimmers must have an parent in the pool with them.

This pool is usually freezing at the best of times and it's the beginning of feb. Most 5 yr olds aren't confidant enough to be left alone on water so there will be a lot of hanging about in the water freezing cold with other suitably shrivelled up parents.

I don't want to get my swimmers on in this setting nor do I want to see other playground colleagues in theirs. I'm pasty, wobbly and had surgery last year :-(

Then we have to get out (I'm a dignified fashion), get changed and be ready to party - I normally look such a mess after swimming and need make up and straighteners to get sorted but it'll be a quick 5-10 mins then into party bit so I'll have to stand there, damp, looking like an utter mess for another 1-2 hrs while monitoring food / party stuff.

Ds is in a role in the school where he feels really uncomfortable taking ds - bit like over stepping the familiarity boundary/a little inappropriate for him to attend lol!

Please tell me it won't be bad and swimming parties are great.....I really don't want to go!

OP posts:

Sidge · 08/01/2016 12:18

Well it's not my idea of a good time or a good party for 4-5 year olds, but it's not about the adults is it, it's a party for children.

If you don't want to go then don't go but excuses about your hair and makeup just make you sound a bit daft.

CFSsucks · 08/01/2016 13:42

This isnt about you. Your child has been invited to a party, he wants to go so take him. The rest is just excuses. Who cares about your hair and make up, no one is there to look at you. I'm sure the rest of the mums aren't super model slim and they will all have scruffy hair, no make up. It's about the children. Ok I wouldn't have thrown this type of party at this age but I bet the children will love it and ultimately, that is what a party is about.

TheSecondViola · 08/01/2016 13:45

Bollocks to every word of that, CFSsucks. Mummy martyrdom at its finest: everything is for your child, you don't matter, do what you are supposed to do (as prescribed by the PreciousMoments mafia).
Bugger that.

Bunbaker · 08/01/2016 13:57

"but I believe they are not well attended generally."

Not in my experience. DD has been to a few pool parties and they were well attended. Although this was from age 7.

plantsitter · 08/01/2016 14:02

People are always having swimming parties round here but not all the parents have to go - in's in the learners pool with floats etc and a lifeguard and I think 1/2 parents have to go.

However that's beside the point. If you're worried about people seeing you in your swimming costume etc you should DEFINITELY make yourself go because it's extremely liberating to do something like that if you're scared of it.

I'm fat and self-conscious, by the way, I'm not just saying you're being silly.

Yokohamajojo · 08/01/2016 14:06

Yanbu - My idea of hell! I really don't like indoor swimming pools. I personally think it's far too early to have a swimming pool party at 5! Not sure what to suggest though. If it was me and my DC really really wanted to go I probably would bite the bullet and do it...

museumum · 08/01/2016 14:06

I go swimming every week with ds and friends (two other mums) and we go out for lunch after. Not ever worried about it tbh. It's fun. Just wear jeans and a slouchy jumper and hair up in a bun if long enough.

zipzap · 08/01/2016 15:11

Does the party mum know that you've had surgery? If so then I'd just say that you're not allowed in the pool at the moment due to that (or just say that you're unable to get in a pool at the moment for personal reasons if not) but that ds is very upset to be missing the party; would they mind if you were to turn up after the swimming part for the party part - and then just see what they say.

No harm in asking!

GhoulishGertie · 08/01/2016 16:19

Really - don't go if you really don't want to. However ... I've had to go into the water at swimming parties with dd and also dgd as there weren't enough volunteers and they were hyped about going - I totally feel your pain. However ... it really wasn't as bad as I'd expected - the kids needed a lot of attention and were having a great time (7 year olds both times) so the time flew by and I felt quite proud of myself for having done it. (I'm a bad swimmer, hugely vain and high maintenance on the makeup and hair front, have a normal wobbly middle aged bod, varicose veins, HATE being cold and and am disgusted by grim pool changing rooms - but I survived.) Oh - I wore a tankini with shorts-style bottoms and matching bikini top underneath for maximum support and coverage.

SweetieDrops · 08/01/2016 16:28

I wonder how he/she will feel if no one turns up to their party because all the parents are too vain to go swimming

That happened to one of DD's friends at preschool, only about 3 kids turned up from the class, luckily the birthday boy had a few siblings and cousins to bump the numbers up. The party was actually pretty good, the pool blew up the big inflatable bouncy slide thing and the kids had a ball. Until 2 of the dads decided to have a total wipeout style competition on it and sank it . The lifeguards put the waves on once they'd dragged the inflatable thing out so the kids were happy.

AngryMo · 08/01/2016 16:35

I'm shocked by all the negative replies! No big deal if the OP doesn't fancy it, but seriously, does no one take their pre school kids swimming? What's this thing about it not being appropriate for their age?? Kids that age love splashing about in the pool, it's perfect for them. I took my son to a swimming party aged four, got in the pool with him and it was fine, it never even occurred to me that anyone was interested in how I looked. I am not a supermodel btw either.

Bunbaker · 08/01/2016 16:35

I wonder how he/she will feel if no one turns up to their party because all the parents are too vain to go swimming

I have read too many threads on here from parents of distraught children where they have had a party with no-one turning up, which is why I think you should just suck it up and go, or send your husband.

HowBadIsThisPlease · 08/01/2016 16:39

YANBU. No way would I go to this, not in a million years. I would make up some reason why the dc couldn't go. It's not remotely within the bounds of negotiation that I would expose that much of myself to that sort of crowd and I shouldn't be asked to.

"What about the birthday child? I wonder how he/she will feel if no one turns up to their party because all the parents are too vain to go swimming."

That is very extremely judgey, thank you (lola of charlie and lola voice). It isn't up to you to talk in terms of "vanity". It's about basic dignity.
The only way I would do this is if I could somehow acquire / persuade myself it would be ok to wear a burkini.

Otherwise I am basically standing about trying to make conversation with school parents in my underpants. This is the stuff of nightmares, not a normal saturday afternoon.

(I do swim by the way. But that's different - you are moving, no one is really looking at you, it's good exercise. That's the opposite of standing about nearly naked saying things like "oh your little one loves the float, doesn't he! mmm.... mmmm yes, I know"

I think I will actually have a nightmare about that tonight.

scarlets · 08/01/2016 16:39

Pool parties are great. From age 8. What a silly idea at his age.

LexieSinclair · 08/01/2016 16:47

I was about to suggest what Zipzap said. You never know someone else might offer to keep an eye on your DS in the pool if you mention your surgery.

loveandsmiles · 08/01/2016 16:55

I hate the pool and swimming but having said that, if my DC wanted to go I would grin and bear it

I have been to a few in the past and I think the thought is worse than actually doing it! I consider myself very high maintenance - makeup, hair, nails - but just put hair in messy bun and minimal makeup - it's only a couple of hours.

We've just actually booked a pool disco for DD2 but she is going to be 8 and is a competent swimmer - I shall happily stand at the side and watch the fun 🏊🏊

toffeeboffin · 08/01/2016 17:01

This needs to be on the 'personal hell' thread.

CombineBananaFister · 08/01/2016 17:01

Does your DS like swimming and want to go? am not saying you should do EVERYTHING your child wants but if you're free why not give it a go.

I'm with the other poster who would find it quite liberating to be in the pool with a load of school mums/dads where everyone will look shit might make for some right good honest conversation and bonding if you're all in the same crappy, mortified boat hah!

CombineBananaFister · 08/01/2016 17:02

Posted too soon Nowt like mutual embarrassment to bring people together

yorkshapudding · 08/01/2016 17:07

I think all the posts calling OP vain and silly for worrying about about being seen in her swimming costume with no make up, hair un-straightened etc.are being a bit harsh. Many, many people are self conscious about their appearance for all sorts of reasons and some people are more relaxed and confident in social situations than others. If you're the sort of person who doesn't feel the need to wear make up, do their hair etc then good for you, but not everyone feels the same.

Bunbaker · 08/01/2016 17:15

You wouldn't need to worry with me in the pool. I can't see very far without my glasses

sadwidow28 · 08/01/2016 17:16

I am another one like GhoulishGertie - but I am the Aunt. I was always nominated for the swimming pool parties as DN (aged 7 also) was not a good swimmer. SIL had had breast surgery after cancer so really didn't want to don a swimming costume and have children pointing out that she only had one breast.

I did the pool bit - with lots of children hanging off my neck and hips - but I am a confident swimmer with Personal and Life Saving Awards. I'd often swim the length of the pool with a couple of little ones swimming alongside and grabbing on when they needed a break. I understand the 1-1 ratio with 4 year olds though.

BUT - I didn't do the food party afterwards. I felt awkward not being part of the Mummy group and I am socially inept these days. So if my SIL couldn't attend for the food party herself, she traded my time in the pool with other Mums who would watch DN during party time - and I would slip in at the end.

Can you organise something like that OP?

ghnocci · 08/01/2016 17:23

Swimming parties for 5 year olds, what a bloody stupid idea.

DD4 can't swim yet and there's no way on earth I would get into a swimsuit in front of other school parents. Ugh, just no.

Some people really have no clue!

TheSecondViola · 08/01/2016 17:28

Again, PARENTS fault. It's not everyone elses responsibility to keep your kid happy, when you have made such a daft party plan.

There are endless reasons why people won't or can't go to a party like this, far more than other types. I would have at least 3 different, good, reasons to turn it down before I even got to "I don't want to splash about half naked with people I barely know" or "I don't want to look a mess at the after bit" both of which are perfectly valid reasons in themselves.

Bunbaker · 08/01/2016 17:30

I kind of agree with you TheSecondViola, but I am more of a people pleaser than you are.

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