to dread this party....

[George2014]

Ds5 had a party invite a week ago that I've been mithering over. The bottom line is, I just don't want to go!

It's a swimming party but then party and food after - sort of combo in a leisure centre thing for a few hours. Any non confidant swimmers must have an parent in the pool with them.

This pool is usually freezing at the best of times and it's the beginning of feb. Most 5 yr olds aren't confidant enough to be left alone on water so there will be a lot of hanging about in the water freezing cold with other suitably shrivelled up parents.

I don't want to get my swimmers on in this setting nor do I want to see other playground colleagues in theirs. I'm pasty, wobbly and had surgery last year :-(

Then we have to get out (I'm a dignified fashion), get changed and be ready to party - I normally look such a mess after swimming and need make up and straighteners to get sorted but it'll be a quick 5-10 mins then into party bit so I'll have to stand there, damp, looking like an utter mess for another 1-2 hrs while monitoring food / party stuff.

Ds is in a role in the school where he feels really uncomfortable taking ds - bit like over stepping the familiarity boundary/a little inappropriate for him to attend lol!

Please tell me it won't be bad and swimming parties are great.....I really don't want to go!

I please some people. Generally the ones who please me, not just indiscriminately. Thats a mugs game, ime.

I walk my dog come hail, rain or shine so I often end up looking like 'a dripping rat' within an hour of showering and getting dressed in the morning.

I think I have lost all sense of make-up and hair done nicely.

I would check if it is one adult per child. I had a swimming party for dd when she turned 8. 8 was the cutoff age for having adults in the water with them. I knew that some children weren't yet 8 but it was 1 person per 2 adults. As the party organiser I made sure I asked people beforehand if they were happy to get in the water and act as "responsible adult" for another child if necessary. I also had my Mum and Dad on standby as "spares".
If it's 1 adult per 2 children there may be someone who would be ok to be in the water with your ds? Or are there any Aunts/Uncles/Older Cousins/Grandparents who would do it for you?

However if your only reason is 'I don't want to look a mess', you could just get on with it. It's not my job to keep other people's dc happy but you know we all do this little thing of putting ourselves out slightly for other people from time to time.

It's not a slight thing for a lot of people. It's a big thing. Surely none of you are actually shocked that some women have quite severe self esteem and/or body issues?

I've never known anyone have a swimming party for under 8's. Around here, the swimming party doesn't involve a lot of "swimming" as there's a huge inflatable for the kids to play on for 45 mins - now that is a party I would get in the pool for, it looks fab!

I was so happy when DS2 turned 8 and I could take them swimming and not have to get in! They now swim and I go to the gym for an hour. I enjoy that and they argue and bicker far less when I'm not around for them to tell tales on each other. Win win!

If the OP's husband works in the same school, possibly even in the same class as the,children attending the pool party, maybe he would feel uncomfortable having to change in the communal changing room afterwards. There might not be a cubicle free.

So I can see why he feels it wouldn't be inappropriate.

Our leisure centre swimming pool had a lifeguard on duty plus a swimming teacher in the pool with the kids. It's their health & safety responsibility too to ensure kids don't drown in their pools, especially at swimming parties. So there will always be staff in the pool. .
Put armbands on your kids if they're not confident. Or tell them to keep to the shallow end. Mine was 5 at the time. Most of the kids from his class couldn't swim, they had rubber rings or armbands on, but we have a teaching pool too which is shallower anyway.

I didn't go in the pool for the reasons you mentioned, in fact most of the parents just sat on the poolside benches (sweating in the humidity) and I think only 1 or 2 actually went in, including the host. No way was I stripping off whilst all the school gate mums and dads watched us all in the pool!

1)Put swimming costume on under normal clothes for your kid it's quicker to change that way.

2)Don't feel rushed getting changed. Better to be later for a party so it's in full swing when you get there. Some kids went to the party in a towelling robe throw over thing and crocs then got changed after it ended.

3)Don't feel pressured to go in the pool! You can sit poolside and watch. People won't think you're scared to be seen in your bikini or anything like that, they'll just think its a kids pool party, there's lifeguard and staff in the pool, it's completely not necessary. And your child will love the independence. It's not as if you won't be eagle eyed for their safety every second.

If they get the giant inflatable turtle and all the toys out for the party like they do at our's, your kid will absolutely love the experience.

If you need any further confirmation that most parents don't get in the pool because there's lifeguard and pool staff, just ring the reception desk and they'll confirm what I've said.

Trees - that must be particular to your pool.
I've never seen a pool where they provide a swimming teacher to go in.
The OP has already stated that for the child to go in, they must be accompanied in to the water by an adult.
Not that many 4 and 5 yr olds could cope with giant inflatables.

I love my make up and straighteners as much as the next girl but I don't give a toss if a bunch of strangers see me looking wet and messy for two hours! It would mean more to me that my ds was having a good time. I also want to teach him to be body confident and that comes from the inside not from how I look!

How fucking depressing to realise that a bunch of grown women are this pathetic. Waa, waaa, myhair will get wet - so what? You won't die. No one else will give a shit. Your DC will have fun and it's only one afternoon.

How very patronising SolidGoldBrass. Bully for you if you have the confidence to go into a pool with strangers in a swimsuit, some people are a bit more anxious and self concious.

Hi all, thanks for all the replies.

Just to clarify - I'm not going 'boo hoo my hair will get wet, I won't go'....just it's another reason why this is a shit idea for a party. It won't stop me going, just I'll hate it that little bit more. My hair is short and straight (with straighteners) and without its curly, frizzy in a frosted circle because of an infection on my crown I had as a child - it's a truly awful sight!! I also hate taking my glasses off because people can see an eye problem I have. None of this is a deal breaker, juts 'urgh' things.

Dh is a teacher at school. Normally fully suited. Shouldn't feel uncomfortable but really does. These are kids and parents he works with and has no desire to socialise out of school. Let alone in his swim shorts. That's how he feels. We all go swimming together regularly, it's different.

Ds does weekly swim lessons. He'd need his floats on and he 'might' be ok on his own but risky and the host won't allow it anyway.

We'll go and it'll probably be fine I'm just not keen!

Blimey there are a lot of miserable people on this thread! I have three Dc 5 and under and they all love swimming. We go at least once a week and no one gives two hoots what we look like leaving the pool. It's swimming not a fashion parade! Straighteners and make up? Seriously?

My eldest actually has a swimming party last summer for his 5th birthday and it was fab so I disagree that it's not appropriate for that age. We chose a warm learner pool so no one was cold and the kids could all touch the bottom. All his friends come and their parents were super and swam with them no bother. We had a party tea outside in the park and it was super. Everyone said they loved it and ds says he wants the same again this year. I think some of you need to swallow your reservations and get on with it! 😊

I think our reservations are our own business and you can feck off.

And how depressing that women are having a go at other women for not being good enough, strong enough, carefree enough. Take your opinions and your swimsuit and shove them both

It's the opposite, TheSecondViola. I think the consensus is that if you go in the pool, no-one is going to judge.

But that if you don't go in the pool, they are going to judge, and judge very harshly, as we can see.

"I'd often swim the length of the pool with a couple of little ones swimming alongside and grabbing on when they needed a break. I understand the 1-1 ratio with 4 year olds though. "

Now, this I would do. I am a confident swimmer and I enjoy it, I know kids who can swim a little would enjoy doing that with me and would not judge how I looked doing it and would have a great laugh.

it's the standing about in the pool with littles ones and parents that sounds unbearable. I have only done that with real friends.

"How fucking depressing to realise that a bunch of grown women are this pathetic. Waa, waaa, myhair will get wet - so what? You won't die. No one else will give a shit. Your DC will have fun and it's only one afternoon."

SGB, I am so happy you are so confident. honestly. I am not being sarcastic but am actually happy for you, and I wish more women were like that,and if my daughters grow up to be like that then that will be fantastic. However, the solution to women who are terrified and humiliated when barely dressed isn't to sneer at them. The solution is a feminist revolution. I am plotting one right now, it takes up a lot of time, I'm afraid I'm not available for any pool parties for the foreseeable future.....

Terrible idea for a 5 year olds party, I wouldn't go for all the reasons you mentioned.

Daft party for this age group - much better at age 10ish when they can all swim and jump about on the big inflatables and hold their own.

Seriously though - to all the people who genuinely are too unhappy with their body to go in a pool... please sort this out. You won't do your kid any favours in the long run by having such a terrible body image. Maybe it could spur you on to tone up or loose weight or whatever, or even just tying to feel happier about yourself as you are. I mean, have you been to a pool lately??? Its not exactly bay watch out there in the real world.

Op I have many insecurities and I'd be nervous about this but I honestly would suck it up, not because I'm a martyr to my kids but because I refuse to be a martyr to the make up and straighteners!

I get asked if I'm ill when I'm make up free so I do understand. I guarantee everyone will be feeling similar.

This thread is sad for two reasons:

The first is,

Women saying its ok to be unconfident yet no one saying anything positive about body image and trying to make women feel more confident about themselves.

There are also a number of slightly barbed comments about women who apparently do have the confidence to do it.

The truth is, this culture of talking about wobbly bits as being a bad thing and then something that you should hide is part of the problem not the solution.

We blame the media and photoshopping and yet there is this thread which also carries those same messages of encouraging others to hide away and be ashamed.

The second is,

As someone who never properly learnt to swim and be comfortable and happy in the water as a child I feel very strongly, that no matter how I feel about getting into a pool, it is important to learn how to as it could in fact be lifesaving. Drowning is the third most common form of accidental death of children in the UK.

When I was growing up, I was perhaps the exception where I lived, but not being able to swim is becoming much more common, with apparently 1 in 3 kids not able to swim when they leave primary school and 40% not offered the opportunity to learn at school.

Confidence in water, starts with messing about at an early age so its normal and parents who behave in a way which gives children the impression they are afraid or don't like it, do end up projecting that onto their child who in turn is less likely to be confident in water themselves.

I do think its less 'Waa, waaa, myhair will get wet' type criticism that should be levelled here but I do think some of the attitudes on thread are extremely poor.

One of the dads in ds's class is an underwear model. Do you think that makes it more or less likely people would attend pool parties?

For me, it's not getting in the pool that's the problem - we go swimming a lot - it's the thought of bobbing around in the shallow end with loads of 5 year olds and mums you have to make small talk with.

Normal swimming - great!
Swimming parties - not so good.

Ugh, how could anyone think this is a good idea? Let's have a birthday party which pretty much HAS to involve the parents of the invitees swimming?
YANB at all in a way U and I wouldn't go.