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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to dread this party....

166 replies

George2014 · 07/01/2016 22:49

Ds5 had a party invite a week ago that I've been mithering over. The bottom line is, I just don't want to go!

It's a swimming party but then party and food after - sort of combo in a leisure centre thing for a few hours. Any non confidant swimmers must have an parent in the pool with them.

This pool is usually freezing at the best of times and it's the beginning of feb. Most 5 yr olds aren't confidant enough to be left alone on water so there will be a lot of hanging about in the water freezing cold with other suitably shrivelled up parents.

I don't want to get my swimmers on in this setting nor do I want to see other playground colleagues in theirs. I'm pasty, wobbly and had surgery last year :-(

Then we have to get out (I'm a dignified fashion), get changed and be ready to party - I normally look such a mess after swimming and need make up and straighteners to get sorted but it'll be a quick 5-10 mins then into party bit so I'll have to stand there, damp, looking like an utter mess for another 1-2 hrs while monitoring food / party stuff.

Ds is in a role in the school where he feels really uncomfortable taking ds - bit like over stepping the familiarity boundary/a little inappropriate for him to attend lol!

Please tell me it won't be bad and swimming parties are great.....I really don't want to go!

OP posts:
Alicewasinwonderland · 09/01/2016 10:28

The sad thing is, people who are the most bothered about putting make up on do not realise that they don't really look much different with or without,and that others are not bothered at all about your face frankly.

grumpysquash2 · 09/01/2016 10:44

Haven't read the whole thread, so sorry if duplicating.

Our swimming pool allows two under 8s per adult in the pool. So you could ask one of DS' friend's mums if she would take both of them.

If you offer a trade, for example you drive everyone there and back, it would be fair :)

TheSecondViola · 09/01/2016 10:46

Its not for you to judge.

Seriously, wtf is wrong with some of you? Falling over yourselves to explain how women shouldn't need this or that, how silly they are for wanting to wear make up etc? Dont you get that you're just as bad as people who would tell us we should wear make up or whatever?
We can all make our own choices about how we look. And it would be a whole lot easier if you all stopped judging everyone else, from either angle.

megletthesecond · 09/01/2016 11:20

thesecond exactly. I take my dc's swimming and we swim in the sea. However I don't have to face people I know in those situations. I have self harm scars from my late teens and excess hair. No way am I risking showing that to other school parents. I get by with rash vests when I take the dc's but I still don't like people seeing my legs that are never quite hair free no matter how much I wax. (Huge issues after being bullied in girls changing room at school in the 80's).

diddl · 09/01/2016 12:09

Being seen in a swimming costume wouldn't bother me, nor would looking a mess at the oparty.

It would be the standing around in a cold pool!

That bit sounds awful!

Original poster
George2014 · 09/01/2016 12:18

Also, I think me talking about make up and straighteners has been blown up out of proportion. I don't HAVE to do it nor does anyone make me feel like I have to, I just tend to put a bit of make up on and sort my hair out when I go out, it's just normal for me! Just like its normal for some not to. I don't really see what the big deal is. I certainly don't feel social pressure to look a certain way, nor do I care that much that people will see me without, I'd just prefer it if I FELT I looked presentable!

Mainly I'm not looking forward to it because it's early feb party, public pool is freezing usually, it's a bit manky with no private showers (they are open and poolside) it's 3 hrs doing something I'm not that keen on but will suck it up for ds, guaranteed it will be all husbands which will make it even more boring with no ladies to chat to (that I'm slowly getting to know - new school).

OP posts:
TheSecondViola · 09/01/2016 12:29

You know how it is here, OP, people took a comment and ran with it, exaggerating until you're cowering in a corner trying to cover up your naked face and frizzy hair because you're just too pathetic to be seen without your lippy ;)

When in reality 99% of people completely agree with you, its a shit idea for a party that nobody actually enjoys. Fair play to you for going, you're a better woman than me Grin

Pyjamaramadrama · 09/01/2016 12:56

To me the op came across a bit 'oh my hair', I agree I wouldn't be jumping for joy but unless I had some deep anxiety I'd just go with it for the child and the birthday child as I don't think it's that awful either.

We end up doing a lot of things we find boring or uncomfortable with dc's it doesn't make you are martyr.

museumum · 09/01/2016 13:53

Personally I'd rather splash about in the pool than mooch around the cafe part of a soft play.

Taytocrisps · 09/01/2016 14:05

I wouldn't be that keen either and I'm somebody who never wears make up and would just shove my hair in a pony tail on exiting the pool.

I'd hate the cold. And I'd resent having to shave my furry legs - normally I only do that in the summer months.

DC would love it though. So for that reason, I would probably go. I've no body image issues or scars and I can see that would be a bigger issue for some people.

Anyway, there's no pool near us so I can't see it happening. You have my sympathy OP.

littleleftie · 09/01/2016 14:12

No, I never took my DC to any swimming parties - bloody stupid idea.

I just wouldn't go. Tell DS you have a headache or something, he'll get over it.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 09/01/2016 18:02

It would be a rainy day in hell before I appeared in a swimming costume in front of most of DD's friends parents. We seem to live in a village with a higher than average ratio of extremely slim, attractive, physically fit women (I'm guessing they're physically fit as many do the school run in gym wear).

DD (4) would love to go to a swimming party. If she gets invited to one, it'll be DH's job. I'm happy to go to help DD get changed & to do the chatting over the party tea afterwards (which DH doesn't particularly like), but stripping off? No thanks!

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 09/01/2016 18:12

Sometimes you have to say no to something your child wants. It won't scar them for life. The only person who gets to see my cellulite is my doctor, and people who organise swimming parties are evil.

SkaterGrrrrl · 09/01/2016 19:09

There are people who would TINT THEIR EYELASHES for a 5 year old's pool party rather than let another parent see their unmade up face??????

Jesus wept.

GreenishMe · 09/01/2016 19:28

I agree George people are deliberately focussing too much on your hair straightener comment so they can make an issue out of it.

Making boring small talk in freezing cold piss water for 3 hours is what you really object to...and who, in their right mind, wouldn't??

Don't be guilt-tripped into doing this - only do it if you want to.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 09/01/2016 21:59

That is my idea of hell. My eldest has thankfully only been invited to them after she was 8 so I didn't need to go in. I'm not particularly bothered about no make up or crap hair. I'm bothered as I can't really swim and I wear glasses which get splashed which are both reasons I don't feel I can keep the DC safe. They do have swimming lessons before anyone asks but I rarely go in the pool myself as I'm water phobic and don't want to pass my fear to them.

KatyS36 · 09/01/2016 22:23

I am really shocked by all the negativity on this thread.

DD went to one last year, age 5. It was brilliant. I was surprised to find it mostly Dads (I'm the swimming parent in our house) but we both had a great time. I have an ally for life in one of the dads when we ended up supervising 'falling off the octopus'. I had a pedicure in preparation - waste of time - none of the dads noticed/cared.

In fact, is was so much fun that DD had a swimming party this year (6th birthday). Obviously the word had spread as more of the mums went in the pool this year. All the children had a fabulous time and everyone said it was a great party. Almost all the class came and we laid on enough food for adults too afterwards.

Katy, 40 something, size 14, cellulite (lots)

PS I would be grateful if you could supply contact details so I can issue an invite to the underwear model if I run another party :)

grannytomine · 09/01/2016 22:33

The thing is that kids seem to love them, I went to a few with my kids, had a couple myself and then did one with grandson. Not my cup of tea, my old PE teacher would find it hilarious as I had very carefully cultivated athletes foot for nearly two years so I couldn't go swimming or have showers at school and I only "managed" to let it heal when I got a lovely verruca which also seem to linger.

I was eventually called in to explain why I hadn't been to a single swimming lesson in two years, they finally noticed, and to my eternal shame I burst into tears and said that since my father had died money was tight and I couldn't bear to put pressure on my mother to buy me a new costume. My mother would have killed me if she heard me and I am still amazed that my father didn't rise out of his grave and beat me. It did work though and I managed to miss another couple of terms. I did give in just before parents evening as I was a bit worried about what they might say.

mintoil · 09/01/2016 22:38

Well of course "everyone said it was a great party" they aren't going to tell you they hated every minute of it are they? Smile

Swimming parties are most parents idea of hell aren't they? I grew up in a country with no indoor swimming pools and was horrified to learn that people actually subjected themselves to this. In fact, paid for it!! The changing rooms, the splat of the costume when you take it off - your socks getting all wet when you get changed, your minging hair, the zillions of other people pissing in the water the horrible noise and smell. All disgusting.

YANBU OP.

Saz12 · 09/01/2016 23:24

I'm not "body confident"... I know what I look like, and it aint great, but it's the way it is. If your hobby is maintaining your appearance, then that's up to you, none of my business and no weirder than many other hobbies. But it's no more valid than any other hobby, (and certainly no more interesting to observe).

But really - the MAJORITY on here seem to feel it's right that women should be so interested in appearance that a kids pool party is something the only the Dad's should go to...imagine if it was an 8 year old girl saying "I can't go swimming, people might see what I really look like".

Passthecake30 · 10/01/2016 08:37

I wouldn't be keen, I've taken the kids swimming before and seen some of the school mums in the pool, I don't really like bobbing around with the school dads though, has happened once and I just felt embarrassed talking as if we were at the school gates...

Ilovetorrentialrain · 10/01/2016 11:14

Hi OP. Does your son want to go to the party? I'd say if he does,and especially as it's a new school it would be a great idea to go.

I 100% understand why your husband wouldn't want to cover this one. Baffled at those who can't see that!

I really hope you & your son can go - and have a lovely time. I am most certainly in the minority here it seems, but I think it sounds good - I bet the partents were thinking of something fun, indoors for the February weather. Or perhaps the birthday child especially requested a swimming party?

BikeRunSki · 10/01/2016 12:06

5 is very young. DS was a competent swimmer at 5 and is gutted that our pool won't do swimming parties until children are 8. As he's almost the eldest in his class, realistically it'll be his 9th birthday (he' 7). I would have no qualms myself, but I am a regular swimmer.

Newmanwannabe · 10/01/2016 12:46

Go late, and miss the swimming part?

TheSecondViola · 10/01/2016 13:00

Oh ffs. I give up. Keep on judging women for being less than body confident, that's bound to help. Eejits.