To find getting older so incredibly sad

[GrillPanEddy]

All of a sudden I feel old. I'm 35 which I know is by no means ancient but physically I'm starting to feel it - little aches and niggles, grey hairs, wrinkles, sagging. Nothing that major but it just keeps dawning on me that I'm getting older.

I bump into people I used to know in my teens and think "fuck they look old".

Looking at my parents getting older breaks my heart. My dad in particular - late 60s and getting grumpy, a bit lazy, a bit slow, a bit out of touch with what's going on. He used to be so lively and in the know about everything.

I feel like my time, my family's time is a all so bloody short. Life is running away from us and making us old in the process. Time goes sooooo quickly these days, the years are merging into each other.

I don't want to get old and don't want others around me to get old. I don't want to see my lovely DH get old.

I don't want to deteriorate mentally or physically but kind of think I've hit my peak without even realizing and it's just age age age from here on in.

Makes me so sad. Feels like a ridiculously unfair part of life. Though I also get how ridiculous that sounds too.

@MadamCroquette - Although that is true, one of the hardest bits of getting older is seeing friends who have lived healthy lives, die young. I think of one friend who was slim, ate a very healthy diet and was incredibly active, who died in her early 40's of ovarian cancer. She lived a much healthier life than me.

Life is unfair. She should have lived till her 90's, but it was not to be.

Gwen I find high heels too uncomfortable, fortunately I wear lovely magnum boots for work and I don't care about wearing heels if I go out. In my 20s and 30s I would wear them and suffer.

I think people who work with elderly people perhaps get a warped view of what being old is like, if you are elderly and in good health you don't need 'working with' I also have a warped view of what being elderly is like through being in climbing and running clubs and meeting extraordinary veteran athletes. Happy memories of going climbing as a teenager with some old boys who had served in the commandos in ww11. Or my great grandma in law who is in her mid 90s and lives independently. Its not all good of course, several family members and parents of friends have succumbed to dementia, which is absolutely terrifying,

Sometimes I feel a little bit like you, but I am 70. Inside I am about 39

When my grandmother was 85, she told me she still felt as if she were about 35. I now know what she meant. She lived to 90.

I think that we live in a society which overvalues or indeed fetishizes youth or the appearance of youth in women. It infantilizes us, and causes us to waste precious valuable time worrying about "signs of aging" (bugger you L'Oreal et al.).

As others have said, if you feel your aches & pains at 35 you really need to do something about that (I went back on pointe in ballet class at 33 - it puts "aches & pains" into perspective ). And stop wishing your life away.

Poor you OP. I'm 35 too. But I do think it's all about how you feel. I'm still as silly as I ever was, but with more confidence, disposable income, and the choices that come with that.

I think keeping your body young also helps the mental decline. I'm in far better shape than I was in my twenties, from knowing much more about fitness and nutrition.

How do you feel OP?

My mum died when she was 49. I wish she'd got old.

I'll be 60 in a couple of months and I am having a ball! Children all settled, more disposable income as both DH and I changed careers (post 40) lots of travel, fitter than I've ever been with regular cycling and Pilates. Menopausal weight gain finalyl sorted out and under control thanks to 5:2. I'm well aware life is short and I intend to grab every opportunity I can between now and the grim reaper. Six years to retirement but we no longer say when we retire we'll....... Do it now. Nobody knows what the future holds and life (for some) is ended very unexpectedly. By the way I am grey and proud - and get compliments on the colour from 17 yr old students in the college I work in (who are also dying their hair grey)

I emphathise OP - we are the same age, and I've really noticed my parents ageing as well.

For me at least mid 30s is one of those ages were you feel at a bit of a cross-roads, I felt the same at about 22 and 17 as well, when you sort of straddle age brackets if that makes sense

This is an interesting thread mainly because it highlights how one perceives aging, so some people embrace it and others are anxious about it. Basically highlighting it is your state of mind that is most important, even more so than physical health.

My friend is an RAF reservist (aged 50) and went extreme cross country skiing for 50 miles in Norway last year. How old was the instructor? Nearly 100 years old. Others have done these sorts of expeditions, including the injured and severely disabled.

There is a 100 year old marathon runner. There are plenty of 50yrs+ posters on here who are loving life and living it to the full.

I feel for the 20 yrs + who find it difficult to move around due to obesity related health issues and wonder about their future. A lot of disorders are linked to mental health issues, cause and effect.

Having a positive outlook in life is a real blessing in every possible way.

I was just going to say - it's better than the alternative.

I'm the same as Muddha - fortycoughcoughmumble

This sums it up -

You're the oldest and wisest you've ever been, and the youngest you'll ever be.

So enjoy it. I'm a year older. I don't feel old (well my body aches and my abs are painful but that's the new workout schedule). Eat well, exercise well, travel with your DC and just enjoy life. Don't waste it looking in the mirror or begrudging time going by.

As I get older (I'm early 40's) I just want to enjoy life. A healthy lifestyle is no guarantee to a long life so I ignore all of the government warnings gubbins about alcohol units, sugar intake etc.

*I feel for the 20 yrs + who find it difficult to move around due to obesity related health issues and wonder about their future. A lot of disorders are linked to mental health issues, cause and effect.

Having a positive outlook in life is a real blessing in every possible way.*

absolutely. It's the obese 20 somethings I really feel for. What chances do they have of living to a happy healthy old age?

I have long ago stopped reading glossy magazines or looking at celebrities etc. When I now open a magazine it all looks so alien. Do women really see these images and aspire to look like twigs with cartoon boobs?

I know what you mean. I turned 40 recently and everything seems to be declining! Having a few health issues which although not serious are freaking me out as I am wondering how I can cope with years and years of things going wrong. Think I am becoming a bit of a hypochondriac which I have never been before. Grey hairs seem to be sprouting in force too!

Also, watching my parents getting older is hard. I feel like life is going very fast at the moment and I just want to hold on to the moment. My children are so much more grown up now and don't need me in the same way they used to.

mud Yes, I know what you mean. I was running a 25km trail race and there was a guy I was running with for a km or so. We got to the checkpoint, and the marshall told me my place. Then this guy said "dont suppose you know where I'd be in the 70+ do you?" But of course, the fact is that these people are completely atypical.

My parents are in between the two extremes you mention. They basically CBA with politics and big causes anymore but I think that's part of appreciating that your generation is no longer driving, so you can just enjoy the scenery. They travel a lot and go horse racing most weeks. Very active social lives. Dad got into lawn bowls which isnt exactly MMA but he's met a lot of people and turned out to be pretty good at it. Mum v active in the church and plays badminton. They both still walk and cycle a lot. They drink good wine and eat good food. They have time to read. They seem pretty content. They both have small health niggles but nothing too compromising. I do sometimes wonder if they give much thought to the fact that they may only have another 10 years or so.

I'm in my fifth decade and have to say I've never been more content. I do sometimes look in the mirror and think "bollocks" but I wouldnt trade career, family, confidence, money and fitness for a few fewer wrinkles.

I was 35 yesterday and feel in my prime!! Old enough to be confident and not worry what people think, young enough to still be silly and have a great time socializing. My kids are primary age so at that lovely way stage, life is great.

I don't care about looks really, quite enjoy slapping on make up and hair dye and making the most of what I have as all my friends are in the same boat so no point comparing with gorgeous girls in their 20s!!

However, I think being in pain through ill health or worrying about health of family members is the worst thing about ageing.

Angelos, A healthy lifestyle is no guarantee of a healthy old age but it certainly moves the odds in your favour. Taking part in sport, drinking moderately and not being overweight make me happier today and anything else is a bonus. Is there anyone who genuinely thinks excessive alcohol intake, eating crap and being inactive makes them happier

katsite Me too re the celebs. I think that's why I'm so happy now. I just look at all these "get a bikini body" articles and mentally tick the "not applicable" box

eating crap

We-ell, if it's chocolate ...

mudandmayhem I'm not talking about drinking excessively, being obese etc. Just that living like Gwyneth Paltrow probably makes little difference to your life span than just living 'moderately'. In my personal experience, there has been no link whatsoever to lifestyle v lifespan.

Just to be clear, this is not about looks for me. I have no problems with wrinkles!

Statistically they are linked it is just hard to see that when a lovely friend with a healthy lifestyle dies in their 40s. Lots of very slim healthy women get breast cancer but that doesn't mean there isn't a link between breast cancer and obesity.

Also I don't think any qualified dietician or doctor has ever recommended gwneth paltrow style lifestyle advice!