To find getting older so incredibly sad

[GrillPanEddy]

All of a sudden I feel old. I'm 35 which I know is by no means ancient but physically I'm starting to feel it - little aches and niggles, grey hairs, wrinkles, sagging. Nothing that major but it just keeps dawning on me that I'm getting older.

I bump into people I used to know in my teens and think "fuck they look old".

Looking at my parents getting older breaks my heart. My dad in particular - late 60s and getting grumpy, a bit lazy, a bit slow, a bit out of touch with what's going on. He used to be so lively and in the know about everything.

I feel like my time, my family's time is a all so bloody short. Life is running away from us and making us old in the process. Time goes sooooo quickly these days, the years are merging into each other.

I don't want to get old and don't want others around me to get old. I don't want to see my lovely DH get old.

I don't want to deteriorate mentally or physically but kind of think I've hit my peak without even realizing and it's just age age age from here on in.

Makes me so sad. Feels like a ridiculously unfair part of life. Though I also get how ridiculous that sounds too.

Doesn't it depend on whether we look after ourselves? Juicing exercising yoga supplements all help. Plus decent facial skin care!

I'm 59 and I think you're getting a hard time from my age group. I wouldn't say you're still a baby and I don't think you're being silly. Life is short and you're probably almost halfway through it. It's refusing to think about age and mortality that's silly.

I get those thoughts too (admittedly I'm a lot older) but I try and use them positively, to help me make the most of every single day of life and good health. And the great thing about being 35 is you're still young enough to make changes to your life if you want to.

I agree with Floisme. It's normal to think about age and mortality - you have to, in order to develop your own healthy perspective on your own path through life. It's not an insult to every healthy over-35 year old to do so. Like many have said though, it's preoccupation over a period of time that could be something that needs attention.

Hopefully the evidence on this thread of so many people experiencing their 'peak' years later than 35 will be reassuring.

I'm 30 and I still feel pretty young. My body is somewhat saggy and creaky, but that has more to do with the demands of DC3 who is 6 months old. My mum was 35 when she received a diagnosis of a life shortening condition; she has defied the original odds and with the help of an organ transplant has made it to 55 in relatively good health. So to me every year marks another with my mum, which is far from sad.

That said I do understand. Ask me again in 10, 20, 30 years and I might feel differently-if I'm still around!

I'm 51 and am sitting firmly on the fence. On the one hand, I'm happier than I've ever been, 5 years into a new career I love, far more confident and less obsessed with how I look.

On the other hand I do have aches and pains which I didn't have when I was younger, the previous poster who said these are avoidable by being fit is talking rubbish. It is an individual thing as is grey hair and wrinkles, I too, have never smoked and do a fairly physical and active job but have grey (dyed!) hair and more wrinkles than I did when younger. The difference is that I care less now.

Haven't read the whole thread, so I'm sure someone has already wrote this.

"Never regret growing old, it's a privilege denied to many"

My brother died young, so this saying is very poignant to me.

All we can do is try and make the best life we can, hopefully learn some lesson along the way, I believe this is the reason why we are here in the first place, this is just my opinion though.

It helps if you can see the bigger picture, but this is personal to the individual.

I actually understand where you're coming from op. I'm a couple of years older than you and although I am extremely happy and content, in my more reflective moments i think "where has the time gone?! On the inside I still feel like a 20 year old but here I am with a dh, 5yo ds, a home and doing 'adult' stuff!" And I especially know what you mean about parents. My parents are very 'young' in their outlook, but their health is beginning to fail a bit and I suddenly realise that they're at the age I used to think was 'old' when I was a child. Sometimes my dad will try to do something that only a few years ago he could do with ease and I catch a glimpse on his face that says 'but I'm older now and I can't any more'. He's also massively sensitive about his memory as my nan ended up with dementia.

I don't feel like this all the time and am certainly not depressed, but as I watch my ds getting older I certainly wish time would slow down a bit. And I also feel my fertility slipping away as I edge towards 40 which sort of compounds my feelings.

Yanbu imo. I know that old age is a privilege denied to many, but it can also be very undignified and sad. I don't think you're wrong to reflect on the passage of time.

I think by worrying about ageing and what the future holds etc at 35, you are throwing away happiness with both hands.

I used to think a bit like you though, I was always a planner type, planning what I was going to do the next day, what the next big life event was going to be etc etc. As the bigger life events (children, career goals etc) happened and were behind me, I felt as though I was on a downward slope rather than an uphill, if that makes sense?

Then I became ill and a lot of stuff changed. Lost everything including my career and ability to even walk without pain. I couldn't plan any more and spent a couple of years feeling really fucking fed up. Then I realised (slowly) that by always looking to the future, I was missing out what was happening right now and not appreciating fully what had already happened. So I accepted the change in pace and started appreciating what was happening to me right now. DH says I have "calmed down". We are bit like an old retired couple sitting in chairs doing crosswords (as pp mentioned upthread) and it is wonderful.

I may be ill and we have money worries (especially at the moment) but I have lovely children and a lovely DH and I know that right now I am very much loved. I actually feel very very lucky and very happy. I have been fortunate enough to see my DC get older and had a career which I got a lot of pleasure from. I have a DH who looks after me and tries to make me happy.

I wonder sometimes if all the "planning" I used to do and the desire to do stuff actually is helping me right now as it made me achieve everything I am grateful for now. I partied a lot, had my DC young and worked very hard so I have already had the satisfaction, if I had left them late I might have missed out.

I think it's so easy to become fixated on the future you miss out what's happening now. If you try and "take stock" and take the time to appreciate all the good stuff in your life right now you may be happier?

It's perfectly possible to feel incredibly lucky you are still here (and others are not) but also to mourn the passing of the years, those times aren't going to come again and there's nothing wrong with a rueful sigh about it.

I found coming to terms with ageing (as in not being young and gorgeous naturally) is much easier over 40, for some reason you just don't seem to care as much.

My husband doesn't like his bald patch, I wish I didn't have a double chin, but we both enjoy life. In some ways, that's a revelation!

Bloody hell OP, I think that you need to kick yourself & your parents up the arse!

I'm in my 50s out every day with the dog, then for a bike ride & swimming in the better weather.

My dad is in his 80s & out every day, weather permitting.

Only since he has been ill & needs a walking stick (about 5yrs ago) taht he has quit having a bike ride most days!

My mum made it to mid 60s.

Crying shame, such plans they had for retirement.

Carpe diem!!

I get you op. Sorry if I'm repeating anything that's already been said but the op acknowledged in the op that there were worse alternatives and she was grateful to be alive. But on mn, on aibu, yabu and are told to count your blessings if there is anyrhing worse than what you're moaning about. Other than car parking of coure, where you get a free pass to moan away.

I think I know what you mean, OP. I am around your age, and I have recently met up with a couple of friends I haven't seen for ages. My first reaction was 'My GOD, they've got old!' And then realising that I have too, and that I also look 15 years more decrepit than I did!

HOWEVER - I'm not at all sad about it. I have the beginnings of gigantic crows feet which I think are going to be my major wrinkle, but I also have the knowledge that I can and will handle any situation life throws at me. I have all kinds of lumps that weren't there when I was younger, but I also have an ability to cope with difficult people and situations with more calmness. I have the odd grey hair, but I'm also growing in confidence in my own capabilities. The odd broken capillary is balanced by the fact that I know I think in more complex and less black-and-white ways now. I'm just as optimistic as I was in my 20s, but it's a defiant optimism now that I hang on to in spite of life, not a naive expectation that everything will just be perfect.

And these things aren't isolated from each other. The ravages of time are the ravages of the experience that's making me stronger. It's only at the most superficial level that I'm losing anything.

I do agree shove. However on your last sentence were all losing the one big thing. Time. When you're in your twenties you don't think about how much time you have left. Now I think about it all the time - and that's assuming I'm one of the lucky ones who dies in my 80s or 90s!

I also mourn the loss of my naivete and innocence ro some extent (though sure I have a lot less). Mind you thay is tied in with a general feeling of dread I have about the world at he momentm

Happiness surveys often indicate women's happiness is highest between 50- 70, which fits with a lot of what older woman are staying on here.

Thay sounds good but at 36 I'm on the whole pretty happy now. I may be happier in 20 years time but will have 20 fewer years in which to enjoy it :o

There are aches and pains and ailments you might get anyway, but you definitely can stave a lot of things off by keeping fit. Being a healthy weight and building muscle and bone should make a big difference for most people, especially women, as they get older. You'll be less likely to get diabetes, cancer and heart disease, less likely to fall, less likely to break bones if you do fall, less likely to get circulatory problems like varicose veins, etc. Exercise is also good for your mental health. It does make a difference.

Sometimes I feel a little bit like you, but I am 70. Inside I am about 39 (this week).

You are in the prime of life, with so much ahead of you.

Don't be so defeatist.

Aging is difficult but 35 is not old.

There's a lot of maturity and wisdom to acquire yet...

Unavoidable of course but there are many positives...

Children are launched and with their own lives with which I can help if needed, then hand back the children and go home
Greater financial independence (yes, I know I am lucky)
Grey hair? Colour it!
Time for interests outside work
Holiday destinations tailored to please myself
No relationship issues. Happy with no relationship, leaving behind all that means (see many threads on MN)
I am not keen on dwelling on what I see in the mirror so I look when necessary, then ignore. Everyone else has to look at me but I don't.
Displaying eccentricity without problems - others seem to indulge a little of it in older people
People offer me seats on buses. How considerate - and I can always refuse, usually do in fact.
Yes, my dear parents are gone but both had long lives (92 and 96) and were ready.
A few creaks here. Ill-health is not restricted to older people

Enjoy which ever age you are in as much as possible. Any of us can spend our lives dreading what comes next. It's rather a waste of time.

MultishirkingAgain, you're 56 and you don't have any wrinkles? Really? If this was true, I'm sure you'd be studied by scientists.

"If not, then you only have yourself to blame."

I'm not sure that's true. I started having the aches and pains when I was exercising in my 30s. Back pain and knee pain is very common from that age onwards and can't be eradicated by exercise.

Am I the only one who doesn't like the cinema since my 30s? I'll watch a film at home, but I find sitting in an upright chair for a few hours too uncomfortable

But on mn, on aibu, yabu and are told to count your blessings if there is anyrhing worse than what you're moaning about. Other than car parking of coure, where you get a free pass to moan away.

And PE teachers

I think by worrying about ageing and what the future holds etc at 35, you are throwing away happiness with both hands

This!!! Ten-fold.