To find getting older so incredibly sad

[GrillPanEddy]

All of a sudden I feel old. I'm 35 which I know is by no means ancient but physically I'm starting to feel it - little aches and niggles, grey hairs, wrinkles, sagging. Nothing that major but it just keeps dawning on me that I'm getting older.

I bump into people I used to know in my teens and think "fuck they look old".

Looking at my parents getting older breaks my heart. My dad in particular - late 60s and getting grumpy, a bit lazy, a bit slow, a bit out of touch with what's going on. He used to be so lively and in the know about everything.

I feel like my time, my family's time is a all so bloody short. Life is running away from us and making us old in the process. Time goes sooooo quickly these days, the years are merging into each other.

I don't want to get old and don't want others around me to get old. I don't want to see my lovely DH get old.

I don't want to deteriorate mentally or physically but kind of think I've hit my peak without even realizing and it's just age age age from here on in.

Makes me so sad. Feels like a ridiculously unfair part of life. Though I also get how ridiculous that sounds too.

It's not a surprise mutton, but it is a new experience for us all. Right? Unless you have experienced ageing and all the new things and feelings it brings in a past life?

We know we are going to die, that's no surprise, but do you know how that feels though or how you will deal with it...

We can be grateful for getting older, it means more time with our loved ones and seeing our babies grow up. But we can also be a little sad or maybe scared too. That's normal. Seeing your parents age and knowing the inevitable...you'd have to have a cold heart not to even feel a twinge of something for even a fleeting second. There's good points and bad points about all stages of life. But it's all a big adventure and we are all lucky to still sail on that ship for as long as we can.

It's natural to think these things OP don't worry, but don't dwell too long on them. Life does go by fast, focus on spending it laughing and loving instead. Beauty fades for us all but our memories last a lifetime.

Actually drinking more than the recommended units of alcohol, and eating less healthily would make me happier.

I suppose we are all different, drinking over my units like i did at Christmas makes me feel sluggish and a bit down. Back to my 1 pint after running on a wed night and two glasses of wine on a sat night and feel much happier. I just have a very low tolerance for alcohol but i really enjoy what i drink and would never do dry January.

Alcohol is an anti depressant, so if you are prone to mild depression, you should not drink too much. But I love the taste of red wine and would quite happily have one glass with every evening meal. Which would take me over the recommended units.

Although if living a healthy lifestyle makes you happier in the here and now, that makes it much easier to stick to. For me living a healthy lifestyle means a lot of self denial.

Alcohol is an anti depressant, so if you are prone to mild depression, you should not drink too much

Assume you mean it's a depressant cleaty?

Cleaty your consumption of a glass of wine with every meal doesn't sound excessive, couldn't manage it lunch or breakfast though

I've written on this point before. I will be 60 this year. I believe from my own experience that as you get older you shift categories. At 35 you are an older young person. By the time you are 40 you are at the younger age of the middle aged group, you stop feeling a bit down and have new positive feelings about being quite young. I used to be a solicitor and at 40 I became "usher totty" men in their 50's got very chatty and flirty in a way that would have been inappropriate at a younger age.

My skin is better now than it has ever been, and I do think that exercise really pays dividends. Now I do daily yoga the niggling back and neck problems I had in my early 40's have completely gone. I can still wear top shop things. One of my friends is 60 this month. She has just packed her bike into a box and is heading off on a cycling holiday in Sri Lanka, another is bagging Munros. Most of us are fitter and slimmer than we were 10-15 years ago.

YANBU. I'm a lot older than you. I went to get on the bus and saw a fat old woman in the mirror. Its just so dull.
Me and my mates have decided to go back to our punk youth and grow old disgracefully. I see younger people looking sideways at my hair or nail polish and think 'fuck off and wait til you're my age'.

Yes sorry - a depressant

I don't have a glass of wine with every meal, and never at breakfast. It would be over my units.

god this is a really depressing and yet eye opening thread

I worry about getting older (I am 36) this will sound big headed but I was very good looking in my 20's (a bit of an ugly ducling as a teen and child) had ten years of turning heads and knowing I was beautiful and being a bit amazed about it. I still look good but I know I don't look as good as I did ten years ago say. and I know my looks will go completely it will only be a matter of time

but my dh best friend died last year at 44. he was murdered on a night out and since then I have been trying to enjoy my life and think of the positives...which are

I am way more sorted now than I was in my 20's in my 20's I was in and out of shitty jobs living in a rented house and in debt. I had been divorced and a single parent (not bad things but added to the chaoticness my life was) ...i have three dc now and am in a very happy marriage. we have just bought our house, we are debt free other than a small mortgage. and due to some good fortune recently i am fairly well off. I don't need to work much but when I do I enjoy it very much (its my own business).

I am way healthier, I don't smoke and I don't drink as much as I did in my 20's. I exercise and consciously eat healthy, I just bought a juicer and have been chucking fruit and veg in that every day to neck my five a day (or more) down

my 20's were a mass of insecurity and trying to be "cool" ...I couldn't give a shit about being "cool" now fgs .... I wear and do what the hell I want...I have had several tattoos since turning 30 and I recently got my lip pierced

I have life experience and a certain type of wisdom that I never had when I was younger

I take no shit off anyone ...in my 20's I was like a timid mouse

I would advise everyone to stay the hell away from silly celeb magazines and try to ignore the youth obsessed media - easier said than done - there really is beauty and amazingness in each life stage

you really have got to grab life with both hands

YANBU for feeling how you feel, no one can tell you how to feel.

Personally I think worrying, or feeling miserable about, growing old is a waste of time, as there isn't anything we can do to stop it. Feeling wistful about the passage of time is one thing, but wasting time dwelling on it, when there is a life there for the living, seems daft to me.

I was also very goog lookingin my 20s. I still am now at 52!

I think there's a difference between being dwelling on ageing and death and feeling sad about it sometimes. I'm not sure where the line is but I actually find it helpful to think about it occasionally.

I also think we sometimes confuse longer life with good health. I have several friends my age or in their early 60s with health conditions that will probably kill them eventually, this is despite looking after themselves. Thinking about that makes me realise how short and precious life and good health are. It stops me complaining and stops me wasting time - which is why I'm going to get off this thread!

I'm 38 but can't relate to you at all OP, aside from the odd pang about realising my parents are ageing. But the rest? No.

I have a friend who has dreaded and despised her birthday since turning 25. Annual gloomy moanings about how time was slipping away. So self indulgent, and tedious to listen to.

35 is so young. You'll look back and laugh at your younger self 20 years from now. Hopefully. And you'll still be young then!

OP here. Thanks everyone This is why I love MN - for the huge variety of views.

I'm not dwelling on this, nor am I depressed - it's just all hit me a bit I guess and has been unexpected.

My knees ache after I've been sat on the floor playing with DC. My back aches after washing up. I haven't exercised properly in about 4 years (funnily enough coincides with the arrival of dc1) but will be able to get back on the gym when I start my new job so am fairly sure this will help with posture/strength etc.

The "get a grip" posts are a bit annoying. It's the equivalent of telling a pregnant lady "just you wait" but I am pleased to see so many positive posts about getting older and how much you are all embracing and enjoying it. I will hopefully be able to do the same

I felt a lot older in my 30s than I do now I'm in my 50s - I think perhaps it's because it's when you notice the first signs of aging, and it suddenly comes home to you that it's going to happen to you too! At 56 I can honestly say I'm enjoying my age - I've been watching a lot of YouTube stuff about stylish ladies of New York who are in their 70s and 80s, and taking them as inspiration - amazing fashionistas that they are! I'm finally brave enough to dress a little outlandishly and not give a stuff :) OP - it does get better, just give it time!

Don't worry, you will positively find a way to love getting older. It comes hand in hand with not giving a crap what people think, which is incredibly empowering and gives a sense of freedom I certainly never felt before.

I do remember though, a distinct period in my twenties when I looked at my daddy (50 years my senior) and thought 'oh woe, look how old he's suddenly got', so I get what you mean. But he went on to live well until he was 91. You have to look for the positives.

I think that I was about 35yrs when I caught sight of myself in a shop window and was shocked to find that I didn't look young anymore, so I can see where you are coming from, but beyond that you just have to enjoy the time that you are at and try and keep fit and healthy.

Ah OP I wondered if you had small children (like me) and guess what you do! I think looking after two small children makes you feel ancient (although in another way it keeps you young) - as I said upthread I'm hoping to "reverse age" once the DC are a bit older.

GrillPanEddy, here's my 2p worth. You are only as old as you feel (and tell others you are!) If you find lots of fun, playful things to do every day you'll never truly grow old. I know an 81-year-old marathon runner who's an ex jive champion and he still does a jig at the water tables in races! Yes, it's hard to see the wrinkles and the grey hairs, but we look and act decades younger than our forebears and nowadays no one bats an eyelid if you wear purple when you're older. But I do know and empathise with what you're saying as I'm not even 50 yet and when I stoop down to fetch a tin of baked beans from the kitchen cupboard I have to haul myself up with BOTH arms. But come to think of it, I think that keeps me young as I laugh so much while doing it!

IME The solution to defying the ageing process is a commitment to exercise. Yoga/ running / dancing / outdoor swimming/ walking whatever you enjoy. Take up a new hobby ! Getting in shape will make you feel better about getting old. I'm almost 50 but I am fitter than I was when I was younger. I may be wrinkly but at least I am fit and toned. Can't do much about the wrinkles can we ?
The only downside for me is rapidly failing eyesight - the need for reading glasses is a constant reminder of my age. And last night my pelvic floor totally failed when I did a fast running session up and down some hills. Honestly you have to laugh these things off with friends ( of the same age obvs don't share with young men from the running club...)
I actually don't feel like a grown up woman inside my head - I rarely wear make up or heels, have never dyed my hair or been on a diet. Maybe I will grow up one day ?

Oh dear, yes, the reading glasses. I'm pleased I got to 59 before I really needed them but I hate them with a vengeance. I suddenly want to read ingredients in the supermarket or have a good look at my train ticket when I'm out and I can't unless I dig in my bag to get them out. I'm far more concerned about this than the odd ( fortunately very odd ) wrinkle.

minipie - that is soooo true! In fact I said upthread that I felt very old when I was 30, and it just dawned on me that that's precisely when I had my two babies. I remember trying to do a run, and I literally couldn't even do 200m! I now run 5K once or twice a week, swim 1km twice a week and play tennis competitively, and it's all easy and enjoyable!

81 year old marathon runners are rare.
Hard to feel young when you have health problems or friends your own age dying.