To find getting older so incredibly sad

[GrillPanEddy]

All of a sudden I feel old. I'm 35 which I know is by no means ancient but physically I'm starting to feel it - little aches and niggles, grey hairs, wrinkles, sagging. Nothing that major but it just keeps dawning on me that I'm getting older.

I bump into people I used to know in my teens and think "fuck they look old".

Looking at my parents getting older breaks my heart. My dad in particular - late 60s and getting grumpy, a bit lazy, a bit slow, a bit out of touch with what's going on. He used to be so lively and in the know about everything.

I feel like my time, my family's time is a all so bloody short. Life is running away from us and making us old in the process. Time goes sooooo quickly these days, the years are merging into each other.

I don't want to get old and don't want others around me to get old. I don't want to see my lovely DH get old.

I don't want to deteriorate mentally or physically but kind of think I've hit my peak without even realizing and it's just age age age from here on in.

Makes me so sad. Feels like a ridiculously unfair part of life. Though I also get how ridiculous that sounds too.

I've always been bolshy springs, maybe that helps.

#fuckthatshit

I feel this way sometimes but then I remind myself that some people don't make it to old age and that gives me perspective.

OP, you're 35! You hopefully have many years ahead.

You need to make some plans. Short term, long term, with yourself and your family.

I'm 48.. my hair is greying, my body is sagging despite exercising a decent amount, and I creak when I get up in the mornings.

BUT... I love my middle aged-ness! Two of my class mates from school are now dead.. I'm lucky..I'm well, have a fabulous family, a good marriage... and frankly with each passing year I care less about what people think of me, I'm less anxious or bothered!

I think the thirties ARE hard.. that realisation that you are no longer 'young' . But I am looking forward to my 50s. I took up Taekwondo at 46, I'll be the oldest blackbelt in my club (soon I hope)... I've just started climbing and I plan to learn a musical instrument next. My kids are growing up and becoming independent. What's not to like?!

It kind of bothers me as in I just sometimes think "this is it and it's all going so fast" etc the last 20 years don't feel that far behind so the next 20 I seem to be hurtling towards.

I am an older parent and am sad that my time with my children will be limited by this more than sadness for myself)

I can get quite melancholy...

My sister died right out of the blue a week after her 36th birthday, leaving behind her two lovely DDs aged 8 and 9.

Seeing my nieces grow up without their Mum and watching them reach every milestone without her, soon made me realise that getting old is a privilege we all seem to take for granted.

She would have turned 50 next month and I have no doubt she'd be moaning about getting old herself, just like the rest of us

The thing is what passions do you have? Whilst babies, studying, marriage and a house are for many a goal they are really a tick list of a pretty regular life.

Have you ever done something that is just for you?
What really bakes your cake?

I guess the meaning of this story is to live fully, and in the moment.

The meaning of the story for me is to avoid taking in all the ageist messages that society sends out and recognizing that growing older does not necessarily mean deterioration. Things are different; some are worse, but many are better.

Also I don't think anyone is living fully in the moment if they are expending psychic energy mourning their lost youth.

The only bad thing about being 44 is that the chance of DC2 coming along seems to be fading fast. Other than that I feel an odd sort of relief to have "banked" some good years IYSWIM?

But then I've wanted to be an old lady since I was small. (OK, that's probably a bit weird).

I really see what you're saying about your parents. I've noticed in the last couple of years there has been a big change and they seem 'old' and it's sad to see and a bit worrying for the future.

Things are different; some are worse, but many are better.

I'm not sure that between 70 and 80 many things get better. Or between 80 and 90. Health deteriorates. Mental capacity probably deteriorates. Friends die.

Obviously there are exceptions and we all know a brilliant 90 year old who still plays 18 homes of golf and chairs the local debating team... But that isn't the reality most people face.

There are posters on mumsnet who have lost babies and older children.

I bet they would give the world to see those kids grow older.

Not having a pop op and completely see your post.

Still think it through.

And you are a baby in your 30s

I'm quite young and my parents have passed away. My dh behaviour becoame so bad I had to move countries and support my DC. I'm now divorced and I never want to date or be married again.

Sometimes I think like you, op, then I get going again. I took up rock climbing bizarrely ( for me) and have a list of stuff to get done! I've done so much anyway and enjoy boring my DC with it.

My DC and I have many plans to enjoy life and apparently when I'm old, they will come and visit me in my dotage and tell me all their adventures:)

Life is very short, make the most of it. Sensibly ( am accountant :)

Obviously there are exceptions and we all know a brilliant 90 year old who still plays 18 homes of golf and chairs the local debating team... But that isn't the reality most people face.

Here's the problem. You (and much of society) are defining a successful old age by the standards of youth.

"Oh for god's sake, all these people who are not 35 and keep saying 'Oh you're a spring chicken, 35's young, just you wait etc' please go and post on another thread."

"34 soon and man, can I feel it. Niggles, aches, knackered, the whole bit."

No, why should we. I get extremely irritated by comments like this. You are not old. Medical issues aside you should not have the niggles and aches of old age. I'm 57 and don't get these aches you talk about. Perhaps because I'm lucky and maybe because I don't think and behave like an old person. Mind over matter and all that.

A fab new job, sounds great.

I think you still need to work on your self esteem; you are still young in terms of how long, as humans, we are living to these days.

I'd still get a check up at the GP and mention those aches and niggles.

Well I'm 52, and i can confirm that you really only start to feel it about 48. Apart from that I don't really care about getting older.

My dad will be 33 forever. I don't usually pull the dead dad guilt trip, but sometimes it seems appropriate. Every single second you spend worrying about the passage of time is wasted, every moment spent stressing about ageing is a lost moment.

If you spend time worrying about how fast time has moved on, or spend time worrying about how little time you have in the future then you have completely missed The Moment.

It sounds as if you're chasing the fearful thoughts you have (not intentionally, it just happens), maybe you could try and find a way to allow yourself to let those thoughts go, acknowledge you've had them, then let them go and get yourself out and about and enjoying the fuck out of being alive and having a family.

My age means I could (just) be the OP's mother.

I realise that I'm looking rather more tired these days (trying not to admit to the 'w' word) but still don't feel old.

And agree with the previous posters about concern for the levels of niggles and aches you are getting. That is not something you should put up with, and I recommend a symptom diary and seeing your GP.

I am 37 and I do spend a fair amount of time fretting about the passage of time etc but not because of the way I look or feel, which is grand: grey hairs and all. I just notice how quickly the years are whizzing by at the moment and I know they'll only get quicker as I get older. I want to have as long with the people I love as possible.

I'm 50 this year and I felt it last year for the first time. It was a wake up call to start living more heathily and doing some exercise.

At 35 you shouldn't be worrying about this and persistent aches and pains aren't really normal.

Hopefully this is just a passing melancholy. If it persists I would say you are a bit low rather than old.

OP you are completely UNreasonable . And insulting. I'm 56. I'm not "sad" about that. I'm at the top of my career, more confident & assured than I have ever been, and am sought after, liked, appreciated. I'm well-dressed and don't have wrinkles or grey hair or sagging skin, because I've always exercised, eaten healthily, and don't smoke. I'm also optimistic. I'm physically fitter than most of my undergrads.

And most of all, I do not measure myself by my looks I'm not shallow, I'e invested in my brain, my imagination, my intellectual and physical powers & capacities.

35 is not "old". It's about when you start growing up, so I think you need to get a grip.

I'm here to tell you: It gets better. Really, it does. NO-one tells you this, the emphasis on youth for women (not for men, notice) is so dominant that it appears "natural" - it's not. It gets better.

If you are feeling niggles & aches, are you doing anything physical? Do you do a daily walk that gets you breathless, or yoga, or a gym weights work out, or a dance class the dreaded Zumba If not, then you only have yourself to blame.

Grab your life. If you feel sad, stop thinking about yourself, your looks, and look outward. We live in an amazing world at a wonderful time.

YABU.