To find getting older so incredibly sad

[GrillPanEddy]

All of a sudden I feel old. I'm 35 which I know is by no means ancient but physically I'm starting to feel it - little aches and niggles, grey hairs, wrinkles, sagging. Nothing that major but it just keeps dawning on me that I'm getting older.

I bump into people I used to know in my teens and think "fuck they look old".

Looking at my parents getting older breaks my heart. My dad in particular - late 60s and getting grumpy, a bit lazy, a bit slow, a bit out of touch with what's going on. He used to be so lively and in the know about everything.

I feel like my time, my family's time is a all so bloody short. Life is running away from us and making us old in the process. Time goes sooooo quickly these days, the years are merging into each other.

I don't want to get old and don't want others around me to get old. I don't want to see my lovely DH get old.

I don't want to deteriorate mentally or physically but kind of think I've hit my peak without even realizing and it's just age age age from here on in.

Makes me so sad. Feels like a ridiculously unfair part of life. Though I also get how ridiculous that sounds too.

I got a step counter 2 years ago and it really has changed my life. I do 10,000 steps plus per day, often closer to 20,000 esp in the summer and I'm 50 years old. I ran my first half marathon last year and two more booked for this year. I do yoga, go to the gym, walk the dog, love to ski. Keeping fit is key but yes totally agree that luck comes into it a lot. Luck not to have something completely awful like Motor Neurone Disease which must be one of the most dreaded things on earth. There is nothing you can do to beat those odds if it's your destiny to develop something hideous like that.

I love being active and it makes me feel young so I do it while I can.

Life expectancy and health outcomes also seem to vary massively depending on where you live and social class. Cancer, copd, heart disease can strike anyone but being poor really doesn't help. I think health inequality will only get worse with the current government. People with long term unemployment or manual jobs die years earlier than those who retire from after a well paid professional career.

It certainly does depend a lot on where you live. In some parts of the East End of Glasgow the average life expectancy is 53.

But I think Glasgwegians in general, even those who live in the leafy parts, have a lower life expectancy than people in other parts of the UK.

It is an attitude of mind. I know 2 men 70+ who had major heart surgery last year and one is back out on his bike everyday and the other is back to walking and golf. Another with Parkinsons is still cycling regularly.
I have friends who have had cancer but are back to exercise.
Obviously luck plays a part and if you get motor neurone disease or have chronic arthritis you can't manage it. There are plenty of real nasties that you can develop (at any age)
The real reason that I do all the physical stuff now is that I have the time, I enjoy it and I don't know how long I will be able to do it.
The older you get the more likely you are to develop a health problem, but since there is nothing you can do about it there is no point in worrying about it in advance.

According to this I am going to live to 90, not sure if that is a good thing!
www.riskprediction.org.uk

Totally agree with doing what you enjoy for as long as you can.

Disagree that it's all an attitude of mind.

I do look after myself and so far my health is good but I think it's unrealistic to assume I will stay healthy and alert until I drop dead at 83. I don't see this as worrying in advance. Awareness of age and mortality helps me focus.

That is what I am trying to say, Floisme. I am aware that time is limited now so make the most of it while I can. Awareness is helpful, worrying isn't.
I still think it is an attitude of mind because many 78yr olds with a triple bypass would give up cycling. Many people wouldn't start running on retirement. Walking 10,000 steps a day is a challenge; there is a thread about it so it must be.

About the 1000 steps I was thinking that could be a good resolution for the new year - once round the park and I'd definitely cover it!
I might still try it - possibly it would be over 1000 steps with general pottering about too?

Join the thread Juggling , it is under exercise.

I am glad I was t the only person to miss a 0 off!

It's also about attitude. My dad has several chronic illnesses. When I was a toddler, he struggled to walk unassisted. He did as much as he could physically, and studies for a masters degree. He was lucky that his condition went into remission. In his thirties and forties he was very successful in an interesting career, travelled the world (sometimes in very interesting situations), learned several languages, made lots of younger (and older) friends, and generally had an exciting life. In his fifties he was diagnosed with a serious condition which caused some organ damage. As soon as he was well enough, he carried on with his exciting life. He had a lot of hip pain, so stopped walking so far, took up a physically demanding new hoppy that used his mind and upper body and started learning Arabic. He's in his mid sixties now with a new hip joint and runs, dances, climbs and explores. He has friends who are younger than I am. He keeps up with them. It's not about being in good health - he has been in chronic pain for much of his life. It's about going out and doing new things, and never stopping learning.

To be honest, I feel physically rubbish at the moment. I have an underlying health problem which has caused lots of problems including weight gain which has lead to all sorts of new aches and pains. But those things aren't because I'm old - I fully expect that in 5 years time I will be in much better physical condition than I am now once my illness is under control and I get better at exercising.

People can get ill and die at any age. But sitting around doing nothing is responsible for a lot of the bad things people associate with getting older.

When you have small children, it's really hard to take good care of yourself. I really think that once you get a chance to be properly you again, you will stop feeling old, because what you are feeling isn't so much age but a particularly exhausting life stage.

I find it so much easier now that I am retired, Jasper, when I was in my 30s I was pregnant or juggling work and children and had no time. There was no way I could go off for a run in the early morning.

freshhorizions.

"The older you get the more likely you are to develop a health problem, but since there is nothing you can do about it there is no point in worrying about it in advance".

Err quite:) We've all got to go sometime and its just as we all know 'tho don't want to know, but its the way it is.

As i see it I'm fortunate to have got this far anyway, each extra day is a bonus day there are many poor souls who haven't seen their 21st birthday some even younger some poor ones have died with cancer whilst of no age its just nature.

OK some don't help themselves they smoke too much drink like fishes carry half a tone of excess weight around but if we look at it the right way and with the right attitude then what's to worry about:-)

I am already 8 years older than my father when he died so it is all a bonus. I live in the present, or try to.

I remember having an existential crisis when I was about to turn 25 (quarter of a century - makes a girl think), and again a little bit when I turned 40. 35 didn't bother me too much. I was heavily pregnant with PFB, so probably a bit preoccupied.

I'm sure that's all it is for the OP. I doubt she is planning to spend the rest of her life wallowing in a depressed quagmire of self pity about ageing.

There is too much to enjoy as the years pass, for the average moderately happy person with children and a nice partner, for that even to be possible.

" In some parts of the East End of Glasgow the average life expectancy is 53. "

That's me fucked in eight years, then...

I just used Mud's risk calculator and given today's news about the revised alcohol levels that are safe, I played around with the alcohol intake while leaving the other categories the same. If I drink between 1-14 units per week I'll live around 8 years longer than if I don't drink at all . Not what I expected at all - I assumed someone who was teetotal would be healthier and therefore live longer than someone who drank but clearly I'm wrong. Maybe that's a good thing?

I'm 43 and kind of get where the OP is coming from. The realisation that time flies tends to hit at the same time as you realise how quickly you/your parents/your children are ageing, and the two can sometimes combine to make you feel quite melancholy. I think it's a kind of sentimentality, which is fine to flirt with but not wise to dwell on. After all, you can't move forward if you're always looking back. Physically I have the grey hairs coming through, although I don't have too many wrinkles yet plus there's always Botox but I started running a few years ago and improved my diet, so I feel fit and healthy, much more so than when I was in my twenties and thirties.

The best way to deal with growing older is to accept it and go with it as it happens. If you try to fight it, you'll constantly be disappointed. Live life with positivity, an open mind and a sense of adventure, and you won't go far wrong.

Please remember when you're talking about life expectancy it's usually at birth. As an adult who has passed the two danger periods - infancy and age 17/18, your actual life expectancy should be higher.

In addition, it's worth saying that six years ago I was diagnosed with a chronic health condition and if it weren't for the amazing NHS, I'd be dead by now. That knowledge helps me to appreciate the life I'm able to lead now while my condition is in remission.

The thing is- lots of health conditions when you are older make it difficult to exercise. My mum is in a walking group, and whilst she is able to do the walks (7-9 miles on a weekend), over the years so many of the group have had to drop out, because they've had a heart attack/not recovered well/arthritis worsened, all kinds of conditions, and a couple have died! These are people who want to exercise, but you have to be realistic. It's also easier to have a positive attitude when you are very mobile and can still do a lot of things (and if you have the money to do them)- that's why depression is very common but underdiagnosed in older people.

Not to say many people over 65 have fulfilling and interesting lives, but the harsh realities of chronic or severe illness are there to be faced for so many.

FreshHorizons I don't think we're that far apart - I just think you have more faith than I do in the power of exercise positive thinking.

No, I don't have faith in the power of positive thinking- health is a matter of luck and you can have a very healthy lifestyle and still get a dreadful disease or chronic illness. I was reacting against being told it was tosh that old age tended to set in after 83 years when my personal observation is that if people don't die early they can generally do OK until that age BUT that is only people that I know.
I can't see the point in worrying about something that may never happen, or the inevitability of aging and death, because it just spoils the present. Having said that I fully expect to have a fleeting depression at my next big birthday because I have at all the other ones!
I do think that there are people who give up far too easily and could do far more than they do. Use it or lose it is my motto. It would be very easy to never force myself out because I haven't completed my 10,000 steps and then I would get into the cycle of feeling worse and not doing it and feeling unfit and old. My elderly mother is very disabled but she still forces herself to do things for herself.

Freshhorizons you are a breath of fresh air.

I've been reading some history books.
I think it helps you get things in perspective - we are all little blips in time. Born and die. Hopefully each of us will have happy memories and enjoy our time. Then we are gone and it's our descendants/relations carrying on the genes.