To find getting older so incredibly sad

[GrillPanEddy]

All of a sudden I feel old. I'm 35 which I know is by no means ancient but physically I'm starting to feel it - little aches and niggles, grey hairs, wrinkles, sagging. Nothing that major but it just keeps dawning on me that I'm getting older.

I bump into people I used to know in my teens and think "fuck they look old".

Looking at my parents getting older breaks my heart. My dad in particular - late 60s and getting grumpy, a bit lazy, a bit slow, a bit out of touch with what's going on. He used to be so lively and in the know about everything.

I feel like my time, my family's time is a all so bloody short. Life is running away from us and making us old in the process. Time goes sooooo quickly these days, the years are merging into each other.

I don't want to get old and don't want others around me to get old. I don't want to see my lovely DH get old.

I don't want to deteriorate mentally or physically but kind of think I've hit my peak without even realizing and it's just age age age from here on in.

Makes me so sad. Feels like a ridiculously unfair part of life. Though I also get how ridiculous that sounds too.

Christ, you should try turning 50, love. - Then you'll know about aches and pains.

But I noow consider turningt olld a lusxyr as i nnknow p eople who never made it past 38 and that is really sad. In our 50s w'ere srioddropping li;ke flies and we should embarace old age and appreicaiteate our lies;.

Is there a cat on your keyboard, Welly?

Yes, I agree to an extent Fatrascals - part of a Buddhist philosophy - amongst others I'm sure - to be more aware of these things

I'm 34 and in better shape than I've ever been, physically.

True, my skin doesn't have that plumbness it had when I was 18 but it's still mostly smooth and I have no greys. I'm in great shape and have more muscle mass and better stamina than I did at 20. Also, I've finally got the confidence and the money to really express my personal style. I've always been striking rather than beautiful and compare much better to women my own age now that the generic prettiness of your average 20-year-old has started to wear off on them.

My 25-year-old subordinate fancies the pants off me (but I'm not that unprofessional)!

An awareness of ageing and the inevitability doesn't spoil the present. Being told that it is tosh that you can get to 83yrs before you begin to be elderly and that you need to read the statistics spoil the present!
Getting depressed because you are ageing spoils the present because it is a fact and happens to everyone so getting depressed changes nothing.

Hmm, actually getting depressed isn't always something you can do that much to prevent. Though there are hopefully things you can do to begin to find your way out of it

Its better than the alternative. Buy an underwired bra, moisturise and banish the grey. And get in touch with your inner child again. Ageing can be bit crap but you don't have to abandon hope and start mentally festering. Its not mandatory!

I take inspiration from my dad, who is 89 and still acts like someone 30 years younger. It's all down to attitude.

You can't do fuck all about it? So stop moaning you are 35 not 90 shave ya grey fange hairs and live your life.

yeah it's a bummer, but time passes at the rate of one second per second just the same for everyone
no one escapes
no one gets out alive
no point lamenting

you're only just out of your teens fgs, I wasnt aware of any aging at 35

we all inevitably decline as we get older but if you take good care of your health you give yourself the best chance of staying in good nick for as long as possible

if you feel ropey already at 35 OP maybe it would be an idea to look at ways to improve your health?

Ive actually found this thread quite inspirational!

Maybe one for Classics?

Some of the thread is inspirational, but some of it is blatantly ageist. Why do so many people insist on defining a valuable old age in terms of whether a person can do things associated with being young?

Indeed, SenecaFalls. But then quite a lot of MN is rather shockingly ageist.

I'm aiming to be a difficult obnoxious "old lady". Best way to put youth in its place

Good grief! Old at 35 😳
As a 62 year old all I can say is if you're miserably contemplating being 'old' at 35 then you're going to have a very unhappy time for the rest of your life!
Life is for living, so get on with enjoying it.

Trust me, just be thankful that you are getting older and your Dh is getting older. My lovely DH died last month and I would give anything to watch him grow old, as that was always our plan.

Only if you define yourself by your looks and you are ageist does the looks changing thing really affect people. People may not be Christian any more but many of us even athetists have a moral code that over concern over looks is morally wrong. Also many of we feminists are in high earning careers which mean our looks are mot relevant and as we get older and older (I am over 50) we get better and better and earn more and more and the world is our oyster! Whereas those who live off pleasing and keeping men in bed find their looks are more their currency.

Also in terms of fitness I have never felt as bad and tired as in my 20s as I had 3 children under 5 and worked full time. Now I can sleep as long as I want on many nights, just got back from 7 days of skiing, rarely eat bad foods so am never ill and feel excatly the same as at 20. i genuinely do not have a single physical/movement difference. I still do the lotus position every day. There is no bit of body movement I cannot do over 50 that I could do at 20. I dye my hair at home which costs about £7 a month. That's it.

I wasn't really aware of ageing at 35, but at 42 it has become obvious.I don't much like the look of myself in the mirror any more - but it helps that I was never a great beauty to start with, so there is less to lose! That said, two close friends died suddenly before Xmas. If there is anything worse than getting older, it is not getting older. I try the mantra 'You are as young today as you are ever going to be. Now go and think about something else!'

I haven't RTT and this has probably been said, but not getting older is incredibly sad.

I'm browsing as a bit of light relief from my 60 year old DM's hospital room. She isn't going to get old.

I know where you're coming from, OP, but believe me, the best thing you can wish for for anyone you love is that they live happily to a good old age.

I haven't read the whole thread ,but I am amazed that the OP considers herself to be old at 35. At 35 ,I was single and anticipating never meeting the right person and never being lucky enough to have a family. Fast forward , I am now 53 married to a wonderful man with two kids ,12 and 15. I have gone through the menopause (not great but hey ho) and although my joints ache occasionally and I have a few chin hairs , I feel so blessed that I have come so far. Mum is in her 80s and Dad in his 90s and both of them are still active . I understand the feeling of "God I am getting old",but you are here for such a short time , just get on out there and live your time. I remember being 12/13 and painting my face with makeup , wanting to look older , I am now reversing that procedure ,painting my face to look younger!!

I don't think it helps someone up to be told off for thinking they have suddenly left youth behind at 35. I think that feeling is quite common, given that many women have a child or two in their late twenties or early thirties and feel themselves to have aged in many respects thanks to that experience, and not just in physical terms but in the sense of feeling 100% responsible for babies or small children 24/7.

The physical manifestations of it are not to be pooh poohed however -- many a woman emerges from a period in her life when she wore either maternity wear or post maternity/nursing duds only to find she no longer knows what suits her changed body, has spent a few years oblivious to fashion and finds everything she owned before babies is now out of date, looks haggard from lack of sleep and grabbing food on the go while chasing toddlers, and holding down a job too, and has no time for the sort of beauty routine that would make an appreciable difference.

I have a lot of sympathy for women doing the equivalent of Rip Van Winkle's emergence. You look in the mirror and ask yourself what the heck happened. And we still live in a culture where women are valued for their youthful good looks and their sexual potential, not for the strength of all kinds or the stamina or maturity that is involved in being a mother. It can come as a shock to women that they have actually become devalued in our culture once they have crossed the Rubicon of motherhood.

I think we should be a little more supportive of each other and a little more understanding. (And yy to less ageist too).

YANBU OP

But I think this is about perspective. I'm a few years older than you and I finally feel as though I've getting to be the person I was always meant to be.

I have a job I love. I personally think I look better than I have ever done. My children are a joy. Most importantly I still have my health. I have a small number of friends I trust more than anything.

Am I older? Yes
Has the flush of youth passed? Yes
Will I get more niggles? Yes

Is this what I let make me feel old? Nope.
If you look back to your teens and twenties with nostalgia then know you'll look back to this age win nostalgia too. And you'll wonder what on earth you were thinking when you thought you were old!

Excellent post math

I wouldn't have anticipated it but, yes, 50s is definitely the best by a mile so far. Long and happy marriage, youngest DC off to uni next year, me and DC retiring this year (I am currently self employed and work from home), financially secure, buying a flat in London so we can be near to museums and theatres etc, lots of travel planned.

My relationship with my DCs better than ever, we go to the theatre and meals together, eldest DD asked me if I would spend a weekend away with her (even though she has a serious DP).

Lots of time for seeing friends, walking dogs, cooking, concerts with friends etc.

No wrinkles (occasional Botox is brilliant, I don't understand the reticence), hair gets tinted every 6 weeks, good skin, just need to shift a stone, but feeling confident in new year's resolutions for more exercise, healthy eating.

All ages have highs and lows but don't make the mistake of thinking getting older means it gets worse, it doesn't; nobody knows what's around the corner, so grab life now and enjoy the moment!

35!!!! 35???????? Getting old at 35?!!!!?!?!?!??!