To feel annoyed with friend who feeds her dc nothing but crap

[itwasmuchbetter]

I know it's none of my business but I am getting more and more concerned about dc of my friend who basically live on crap. She doesn't work so time isn't an issue, they have plenty of money to buy decent food but their diet is just awful. Examples of evening meals are Pot Noodles, Plain pasta with mayonnaise, cheap white bread/ tortilla with tomato ketchup. That is after packed lunch of chocolate brioche, chocolate bar, crisps. They frequently get constipation. This has been going on for years so I don't know why it is annoying me so much recently. Oh and they are constantly supplied with Haribos at every opportunity.

Theres fussy eating and there's rubbish parenting - entirely separate things. A parent at school gives hers adult sized magnum ice creams for breakfast. All the Dc now very fat, several started off slim. It's very sad.

So she can't prepare them any food, cannot wash clothes and has few life skills. Social services won't just swoop in and take them - they offer support, guidance, people to teach her these things, parenting courses and stuff. She needs to be shown how to be an adult and a parent. The husband is obviously useless, as he'd have shown an iota of care about it by now, such as doing some washing or cooking himself.

Alice - please rest assured extreme fussiness is NOT lazy parenting. When a child is hungry they will not just eat what you give or mine won't anyway. He will leave his evening meal and hang on for the cereal at breakfast. Extreme fussiness is a big worry in our lives and we have spent a lot of time and money on trying to find a way to get my 10 to eat one bite of fruit or veg. To this day it has still not happened but believe me it is not a result of us being 'lazy'

Presumably they'll teach him too. He's no more or less useless than she is

She sounds depressed and needs help.

What Saukko said. That.

YANBU to be concerned. Never mind constipation, they are at greatly increased risk of type 2 diabetes and heart disease in adult life, even if they are not overweight (yet).

Having said that, it will incredibly difficult to do anything about it. Feeding DC is such a primal, emotive thing. I'm a GP and I genuinely find it easier to ask patients if they use drugs than to tell them that they need to change their kids' diet - you get less of a reaction!

I do wonder how these complex food issues play out in cultures where parents simply can't buy highly processed refined food (given that when children have complex food problems these often seem to be the only foods that they'll eat), and what happened in the past in the UK when things like small sweetened yogurts, plastic bread, crisps, chicken nuggets, pasta etc didn't exist. What do children eat in these settings when they have sensory issues? Or do/did these children die young or end up hospitalised from a lack of nutrition by starving themselves? I know my mother's family simply couldn't have supplied special food for my mum or her sisters had they refused to eat what everyone else was eating. They were so, so poor (this is back in the 1930's).

Sorry - digression there.

OP - YANBU. If that is what those children are eating day in and day out then they're malnourished. That's a form of neglect.

I agree that there are lots of children with sensory food issues, and I can feel for parents as it must be very difficult wanting to provide your child with as good a diet as possible, but they refusing to eat it. I think part of what Alice means, is that for some of these children, they are given beige foods/rubbish carbs/sweets and chocolates, and once they're regularly given these, they will naturally refuse healthier more nutritious foods and want the crap instead. I am not sure what the solution is to be honest, as I can see that it is better for some food to be accepted than nothing at all.

Cross post with minifingerz.

Someone linked to a scientific article on that very subject mini on one of the many threads on fussy eaters. Can't find it now though. It made for difficult reading. Children with those disorders certainly exist and tend not to thrive and ultimately to die.

yes, ds for example wouldn't have survived his birth

Apart from anything else, it's ridiculous to stuff them full of white carbs if they are constipated! Poor kids must feel like crap! Maybe you could gently bring that up with her.

wow - she actually refuses to let them eat better food at other people's houses?

are you, or any other friends, debating stepping in? Presumably their father thinks this is all fine too? Poor kids.

the thing is, they are food shopping. It takes a level of organisation to buy food - it's just they are buying things like Pot Noodles ...and pasta with mayonnaise is just bizarre. What do the parents eat themselves, I wonder?

I think in your shoes OP I'd contact Social Services, tell them of your concerns and hopefully they will intervene.

Given your latest post it sounds as though these kids' parents are not coping. It sounds incredibly chaotic.

Sounds like she is struggling for whatever reason but there are 3 kids here who's health and welfare is being damaged because of neglect.

I think it's a case for social services. She sounds like she's really struggling. Maybe you could offer to go round and 'help' her, or your other friends too and just dig in doing dishes and washing etc. someone put the tea on. Say she looked tired and like she could do with a hand or whatever.
I think to make it a bit of a joke with your other friends is pretty horrible tbh. Be friends and help her or leave it to SS.

What is the father doing? Is he an alcoholic/drug user, violent or just not there? It does sound like a case of neglect.

Thanks for the replies about sensory issues

Ketchup sandwiches is alarmingly crap really!

Anyone who thinks you're being unreasonable probably feeds their kids crap too.