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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel annoyed with friend who feeds her dc nothing but crap

235 replies

itwasmuchbetter · 07/01/2016 14:52

I know it's none of my business but I am getting more and more concerned about dc of my friend who basically live on crap. She doesn't work so time isn't an issue, they have plenty of money to buy decent food but their diet is just awful. Examples of evening meals are Pot Noodles, Plain pasta with mayonnaise, cheap white bread/ tortilla with tomato ketchup. That is after packed lunch of chocolate brioche, chocolate bar, crisps. They frequently get constipation. This has been going on for years so I don't know why it is annoying me so much recently. Oh and they are constantly supplied with Haribos at every opportunity.

OP posts:
TinklyLittleLaugh · 07/01/2016 17:07

Saukko I used to comment on what she was feeding them. There would be a massive row: basically she would call me " Little Miss Perfect", my parents would side with her to keep the peace. Nothing would change. Believe me I've tried lots of different strategies over the years.

So basically now we just do not discuss it. Sadly, to my kids, the obviously dreadful state of my DNs' health is regarded as something of a Cautionary Tale; even my kids are a bit judgy, although I discourage it.

I have a much better life than my sister which I feel very sad, and strangely guilty, about.

R0nJ0n · 07/01/2016 17:07

Not only is fussiness not always lazy parenting, not all fussy eaters only eat crisps and nuggets.

My DD went through a period of extreme fussiness for about two years, she would only eat fruit and veg (no pulses or potatoes though) and yogurt. It was very hard to get any non dairy protein or carbs of any sort into her.

shebird · 07/01/2016 17:09

My SIL has already decided that her DS doesn't like the foods she doesn't like even though he is just being weaned and hasn't even tried them. Some parents just put their own food issues on their children.

browneyedgirl1974 · 07/01/2016 17:11

Very surprised school hasn't said something re packed lunch. Our Primary school wouldn't allow chocolate bar for a start.

moopymoodle · 07/01/2016 17:11

That diet is appalling! !

Janeymoo50 · 07/01/2016 17:17

I might have missed it, but Op can you just clear up exactly how you know what they have for tea every night and in their lunch box each day, just to keep some perspective iykwim.

StealthPolarBear · 07/01/2016 17:20

"
Today 17:03BarbaraofSeville

Nuggets, chips and beans are health foods in comparison, with all that protein and fibre."
yes exactly. It's at the poorer end of the spectrum of meals (with hand knitted quinoa and home grown beetroot at the other ;)) this doesn't even qualify as a meal. My children were fussy (much better now) and have plenty of crap too. I'll never win mother of the year. But this is a different league.

DixieNormas · 07/01/2016 17:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparklingbrook · 07/01/2016 17:29

I don't know why the diet would annoy anyone. Confused

As Janey said how do you know all this? Especially their bowel habits.

hedgehogsdontbite · 07/01/2016 17:33

When I saw the thread title I was going to say YABU (out of guilt because I'm rubbish when it comes to sorting meals for my family). But by god that's bad, even by my low standards.

KERALA1 · 07/01/2016 17:35

I think the outrage by parents of fussy eaters is misplaced. It's not about you if you are on this thread bemoaning that one of your children is a fussy eater. You know about it and are managing it the best you can - all anyone can do. That is very different to what is described in the op - starting out and continuing with feeding all 3 of your dc a diet like the one described. As mentioned odd that all 3 kids are "fussy" eaters. Yanbu op

SolidGoldBrass · 07/01/2016 17:39

If that really is their everyday diet (and not just the occasional last-days-before-payday type of thing) then there is a problem somewhere. But there are various possible explanations: the children have some type of SEN so issues with textures/flavours; the mother has a history of disordered eating herself and therefore has mixed up ideas about the relationship between food and love... or the father could be the sort of abuser who keeps the mother incredibly short of money so she is feeding them cheap stuff that fills them up because she has no other option.

Jw35 · 07/01/2016 17:39

Do you mind me asking those with children with 'sensory issues' are they autistic or something else? It's just I see that a lot on here and wondered which additional need it's related too? Or can a child just have sensory issues?

Op I think it's fair enough to be concerned. Their diet is terrible by the sound of it. If there's no other reason except laziness then of course it's wrong. Can you talk to her?

hedgehogsdontbite · 07/01/2016 17:43

My sensory issues with food are because I'm autistic Jw35. Same for my DD and DH, although we all have different sensory issues.

Branleuse · 07/01/2016 17:50

Sounds like a completely shit diet, but not much you can do. At least theyre fed.

DixieNormas · 07/01/2016 17:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheFormidableMrsC · 07/01/2016 17:55

Jw35 - my son has Aspergers, on the autistic spectrum.

OP, I would have to say something. I really would. I am surprised the school haven't picked up on the packed lunches. Maybe our school is different but when my DS started and had the same packed lunch every single day (on spectrum), I was asked about it. It's just what he will eat and varied enough, just repetitive. Is she depressed possibly, as another poster said it sounds like a "can't be arsed attitude"...

jellybeans · 07/01/2016 17:58

Hmmmm Extreme fussiness is lazy parenting! Angry
That is very ignorant.

My son had extreme reflux and was in and out of hospital until 2 years old. He didn't eat lumps till 2 and as a result had feeding aversions which still affects him aged 7. Many children have sensory issues.

However (he is better now but still fussy) I now insist he has at least 3 different items of fruit a day and orange juice. It's not optional that he eats no fruit and veg. Although he will only eat a small range he has to have it. If he didn't he wouldn't be allowed cake etc. He doesn't like much junk either and has never had sweets through choice. So it's not just that kids are fussy as they prefer junk.

I have 2 older fussies and they too have to have fruit and veg with every meal. If they say they don't want or like it they have to at least try a bit. Worked with my much older two and they aren't fussy at all and choose salad over junk.

I do have a friend like the one described and it annoys me a bit as the kids have no SN and she just doesn't try. My fussy kids only eat veg now due to my efforts and insistence. She admits that they only eat take away and chips. Son has never had veg. I wouldn't say anything to her but do think it's sad.

Howdoesironmanwee · 07/01/2016 18:01

I have family who havs fussy eaters, they are never done talking about it, I think it is likely (although of course not definite) that the OP would know about sensoryissues, asd, or general fussy eating, especially if op is also a parent.
As it's not been mentioned, it seems more likely to be can't be arsedness.

shazzarooney99 · 07/01/2016 18:06

The child next door is around 12 stone, shes only 13,mum and dad feed her nothing but junk, ive seen her eat 3 bags of crisps one after the other, then sweets, then choclate and all they eat is frozen food, i have never saw the child with a peice of fruit.

LittleBeautyBelle · 07/01/2016 18:10

I would usually say it's none of your business and that you're meddling for some reason but not this, I'd say ynbu. I think it's important for you to figure out how to articulate your concerns to your friend for her children's sake.

She may not know any better or may not place the importance on it that it deserves. Her way of feeding them seems extreme in its lack of basic nutrition.

lorelei9 · 07/01/2016 18:14

I can see why you're worried OP.

and they have a constipation song?!! Shock

Alicewasinwonderland · 07/01/2016 18:15

jellybeans I don't understand your comment That is very ignorant

You are exactly describing the hard work it can take to feed your children healthily. You are precisely NOT a lazy parent.

No-one said it was easy, and you seem to be doing just right?

My point about lazy parenting was not about us parents struggling, but about the parents proudly announcing that their kids will only accept to eat fried mars bars (or cheeseburger, or coco pops or whatever) and never anything else. This sort of behaviour only exists in a rich country, strangely enough.

BlackeyedShepherdsbringsheep · 07/01/2016 18:18

you can do everything right and still end up with fussy kids. sensory issues are quite an issue in Autism for example.

you can also be a bloody lazy parent and not try and end up with the same result.

I think you are going to have to get creative, op, and find out why they are only eating a limited amount. there was a good suggestion above....

I would then suggest things that still look like junk food but have hidden nutrients... fishfingers, for example, or pizza with tomato puree. baked beans.

do they eat cereal? that is often fortified with vitamins. and the milk.

LittleBearPad · 07/01/2016 18:22

How do you know what she's feeding them? Does she tell you?