To feel annoyed with friend who feeds her dc nothing but crap

[itwasmuchbetter]

I know it's none of my business but I am getting more and more concerned about dc of my friend who basically live on crap. She doesn't work so time isn't an issue, they have plenty of money to buy decent food but their diet is just awful. Examples of evening meals are Pot Noodles, Plain pasta with mayonnaise, cheap white bread/ tortilla with tomato ketchup. That is after packed lunch of chocolate brioche, chocolate bar, crisps. They frequently get constipation. This has been going on for years so I don't know why it is annoying me so much recently. Oh and they are constantly supplied with Haribos at every opportunity.

I would have thought pasta with a cheap table sauce and lots of cheap bread would be more indicative of a financial issue than just lazy
Just my opinion but I was brought up in a poor family and a pile of bread and butter would be put on the table fir my grandparents generation, then my parents and then my own to an extent and I wonder if it's either a financial issue for herself or a hangover of that.

I have an autistic child and a fussy eater and normal eaters, so I'm not really judging at all

I'm sure I probably get tutted at when out with dd!

Chips and peas. That's it. That is ALL she eats!

She has asd.

It made no difference that we gave her lots of different fruit and veg and food when weaning.

I actually have broken down at the doctors about it a couple of times. GP looked at me like I was bonkers and basically said 'she's growing fine, you give her vitamins, just feed her what she'll eat for now'

So I just cook our usual dinners but have chips and peas as a standby for if (when) she decides not to try my delicious home made ocean pie.

I was actually really excited this week because she ate some chicken from her dinner AND chopped up grapes .

I nearly fell off my chair!

I used to be a nanny in London in the 80's, my first job was with a boy of 2 who only ate yogurt and apples, the first week I went with the parents to a child psychologist to see if they could figure out what was wrong with him....I sat there thinking what a load of crap, he's 2 FGS!....I was there 3 months and his diet was brilliant, he ate everything, veg, fruit , meat etc etc

fast forward 20 years and I have 2 teens who wont touch fruit or veg at all

its all a bloody lottery

Munchkins :) that's brilliant!

Sorry forgot to add I understand that's not what was meant in the op.

That is children not be offered anything but crap I guess and nothing to do with his people see you out and about.

It just hits a nerve when I've been tutted at by people in restaurants when their children are eating 'healthier' meals.

Munchkins....sounds exactly like my DS...gosh it's hard work!

DD1 is a fussy eater. She prefers extremely nutrient-poor white carbs and is extremely neophobic (ketchup is way too scary). I've read lots of books and tried many different approaches. Over the years, various people - doctors, teachers, relatives - have barged in informing how they can and will change it, yet her diet remains the same. She's almost eight.

I think you have a right to be concerned but do take some time to hear the parents' side too. If it's laziness or they burned out or too tired to cook or clueless in the kitchen, maybe you can offer to help.

Owllady thank you, we thought so too.

It was almost the same feeling I had when I passed my driving test! 😄

i,m an autism parent i know how hard it is too have a child that will only eat certain things ds2 loves plain ,rice plain pasta etc but the op,s friend sounds like she just cant be bothered theres a massive differance between having a child who cant or wont eat stuff because of ASD and or sensory issues and a patrent who just doesnt give a shit.

I thought that they could be fussy eaters. My nephew will not entertain anything other than noodles, nuggets and fish fingers. He's thriving though and not under nourished in anyway. Sadly you can't force them to eat what they don't want, so perhaps your friends Dc are the same. It's lovely that you care mind.

Blimey Munchkins, that is flipping brilliant. Sounds like you're both heading in the right direction, slowly but surely eh.

My SIL feeds her DD on nothing but McDonalds happy meals, nuggets and takeaway pizzas. Snacks are crisps / biscuits. Really high fat / salt / sugar and little nutrition. SIL was eating the same stuff. It is sheer laziness on her part which she freely admits. Her poor DD has no sensory / fussiness issues and happily wolfs down homemade food at MILs or at any of my / my other SILs houses. She was even too lazy to reheat homemade meals that were sent down to her for DD by MIL and they lay in the fridge until they were scraped into the bin. It got to the point where we had to hold a bit of a family intervention and thankfully things have improved to an extent.

This looks helpful

jw35 - ds has a very limited diet, he is not autistic, but does have some autistic traits. He has an (as yet) undiagnosed genetic condition.

He has been tested for several conditions where food issues are part of the condition, eg Prader Willi.

Food issues are complex, there can be

sensory issues to do with texture
food aversions due to reflux and an association of food with pain
pica and craving for unusual foods/non foods
compulsive eating and seeking out of particular foodstuffs like large amounts of butter or sugar
fear of particular food

and lots and lots of other things that may seem strange or difficult to understand.

People often make statements like Alicewasinwonderland's, about fussy eating being a first world problem, or 'funny how fussy eaters crave shit food' - statements like these show a lack of understanding of some of the extreme behaviours around food that children can face.

My ds is under a specialist dietician and an OT who deals with food issues, to an outsider it may well look as though his diet is just a bit shit and a bit bizarre. He has 2 older sisters, who eat a good varied diet.

YANBU. I have a friend like this. Her son is overweight and depressed about it but it's not his fault. It's the bad eating patterns she's allowed.

Having said that it is harder to be healthy when you have little money and a fussy eater.

Definitely hard MrsC!

Thank you Janeymoo50, it's been back to normal today but it's given me hope for the future!

I even got cocky and tried her with a butternut squash lasagne but judging by the looks she gave me as she went straight for the peas that is happening no time soon 😂

Sil doesn't feed her DD breakfast. She has school dinners for lunch, crisps at the weekend.
Dinner will be a microwave burger. Over Christmas it turned out she wasn't even microwaving it properly and they are always cold in the middle - boak

She'll snatch grapes away if she eats more than a few incase they upset her belly, but will give her ridiculous amounts of sweets.

Think it depends on how well you know the parent and if you are sure the children don't have other problems.
I know 2 families with underweight children (and 'normal' children) - one with 2 children in the same family - who have been/are under the care of the hospital because they are so underweight.
One of the two children is now skirting with anorexia as a teen - extremely thin, eats little and 'excessively' healthily and insists on exercising everyday (mother is worried sick). The other child is thought to have OCD.
In both cases the parents were told to feed their DCs ANYTHING they would eat - don't care whether it is healthy just get some food in them. Sweets, crisps, cakes,chips -anything.
It is a nightmare for the parents - because the children without a problem are surrounded by unhealthy food (one has a sibling who is now slightly overweight) and they are encouraged not feed the underweight child obviously different food to the rest of the family (in one family they were told to use double cream in milk on the underweight child's cereal - so not obviously different -the child refused to eat it...)

Their diets are/were appalling but it was on the advice of a paediatric dietician.

Could you maybe invite them round for tea and cook something that is a bit more middle of the road (ie not particularly healthy or unhealthy), for example oven chips and fish with some frozen peas and sweetcorn. That way you wouldn't seem as if you are making a point so much but might be able to engineer a conversation. You could say something along the lines of " I dont know what I'd do without my freezer, I find it so hard to fit in getting the kids something halfway decent for tea without breaking the bank, slaving over a hot stove. Then say and they are such fussy buggers, what are yours like. The she might open up and talk a bit and you could diplomatically have a conversation about meal ideas, it sounds to be as if freezer dinners such as the one I described would be a step up. Obviously if there are sensory issues it would be a different matter.

Great responses thanks. She has fed the dc like this since they were tiny. She used to bring a bag of cheap bread and give them a piece at lunch time despite me offering to give them 'proper' food then top them up with sweets/ custard creams through the afternoon. I remember being so shocked but it kind of became a bit of a sort of joke almost amongst other friends. I suppose we feel we shouldn't interfere. By the way her house is a complete tip and she is totally disorganised in every aspect of her life. There are never any clean clothes and she regularly just buys more school uniforms etc because she cant keep up with washing.

Sounds like a case for social services frankly...they are neglected, I would consider my children neglected if I behaved like this. She really needs some help OP....

How old are the dc? Do they still have a HV? If you're rural/very local do you share a friendly GP? Is she religious - any leaders there?

If the disorganisation is spilling over into general not-coping I'd be inclined to think she needs help - and that will probably be easier to accept from health rather than social services.

Just to highlight the point that both parents are neglecting the children, not just the mum

I think she may have some problems herself poor girl, rightly or wrongly I get a picture of someone struggling with day to day basic stuff.

given your last post, she needs help.