To feel annoyed with friend who feeds her dc nothing but crap

[itwasmuchbetter]

I know it's none of my business but I am getting more and more concerned about dc of my friend who basically live on crap. She doesn't work so time isn't an issue, they have plenty of money to buy decent food but their diet is just awful. Examples of evening meals are Pot Noodles, Plain pasta with mayonnaise, cheap white bread/ tortilla with tomato ketchup. That is after packed lunch of chocolate brioche, chocolate bar, crisps. They frequently get constipation. This has been going on for years so I don't know why it is annoying me so much recently. Oh and they are constantly supplied with Haribos at every opportunity.

are they overweight/obese OP?

it would really annoy me too, its a form a neglect IMVHO

Alicewasinwonderland Clearly zero experience of children with sensory issues. Utter nightmare and sod all to do with lazy parenting! I am the least lazy parent you could find and I am quite offended.

As long as your sure this is a regular/daily occurrence than yanbu to worry about the kids and say something but unless you see them every day how do you know they don't get plenty of healthy food when your not there? My dc get fed pizza, chips etc at weekends but good food the rest of the week. Anyone who only visits at weekends would get a false impression.

I completely stand by what I said.

So, you have a fussy eater, and you introduce HARIBOS? Seriously? You introduce crisps? You try McDonald? Your kid won't demand something if he hasn't even tried it in the first place.

I honestly had to battle with my kids for some things, and I adapted their meal a bit, BUT they eat healthily. It does take time, effort (and sometimes, yes , tears FROM ME!). I would believe the fussiness if a child was refusing to eat anything but apples, or carrots. Funnily enough, it's never the case.

'I completely stand by what I said.'

Well if you're happy to come across as a bit of a dimwit go ahead. How can you say that extreme fussiness can always be put down to lazy parenting when many medical professionals would argue otherwise?

OP said underweight/average.

Sensory issues are real - I speak from experience I struggle with some foods even now just because of texture, but also have a daughter who has been similar - yet likes some things that some adults won't eat so I think she has heightened taste awareness too as I did as a child.

Having said all that if they are not eating better food I too would remove all the other stuff from the house that they hone in on. The veg and pizza idea is good, but also bolognaise is one many children will eat and you can hide veg or lentils in for fibre. (Mine likes it whizzed with the food processor which I do as it means she will eat it). But it is difficult to switch over night so you have to do the lick tests with kids - when they are comfortable with that then the nibble and so on.

Grapes are good for constipation and they are a bit like sweeties

I feed my DC1 a lot more "crap" than I would like (and indeed a lot more crap than I eat myself)

He is 3, no SN but is incredibly fussy. He has about 10 foods that he willingly eats and only a few are healthy the rest is a constant battle.

Most nights he ends up with porridge, yoghurt and a piece of fruit for dinner. I would say this is 4-5 nights out of 7!

We have seen HV, GP, we have tried everything (I still offer a nightly dinner and salad and veg every lunch time / evening), DC is a healthy height and weight but he does suffer from chronic constipation and this is 100% due to his diet.

Where I differ from the OP's "friend|" is that DC hardly ever gets anything sweet / treats / crisps etc. If he is going to be so downright fussy then he is certainly not going to be rewarded for it.

As things stand I cook 6 nights a week, mainly from scratch (we have maybe one "freezer dinner" a week) and I serve salad / veg with every evening meal and at lunchtime I am hoping that it is something he will grow out of but I was fussy until I was mid 20's - and I still am to a degree.

I am not defending the mother who feeds her child crap, but I am defending myself. Every meal time is a battle and I have long since given up trying to force feed / bribe / cajole / beg. I simply offer and leave. If no joy then I will feed him so he doesn't go to bed starving.

DC2 is currently weaning (almost 1) and eats everything bar dairy as she is under investigation for CMPI but then DC1 ate everything until he was about 18m too

You're talking utter shit Alice.

Your evidence comes from your own personal experience of what, two kids?

I've got the fussiest children in the world, both with very limited diets. As toddlers they are anything and I cooked from scratch every night, five portions fruit and veg a day usually more. At around age three/four, they just stopped eating foods with certain textures, you guessed it fruit and veg. My DS will vomit if he eats them.

You sound clueless. Please stop being judgmental it's not fair on parents that sweet blood and tears to get their children to eat healthily to no avail.

My 14 year old is 'fussy' and has sensory issues (fuck off with the fussy eaters= lazy parents) and I worry a lot about his diet, but even his isn't as bad as the children's in the OP.

But like someone else said, getting anything down him is better than him not eating a thing and he will gag and throw up on food he doesn't like and he would bloody well starve if I didn't give him things he can tolerate, he would starve because he would just throw up the food I give him if I made him eat certain foods.

Trust me, I've tried everything. It's not my fault.

I would be very worried for the children in the OP if there is no other cause for their eating habits.

What I would do about it if anything I don't really know.

Oh well, Alice you know my child better than me and their doctors and previous dieticians.

I bow to your wisdom.

Invite them round for a meal and lead by example :)

Hacker Porridge and fruit is great. Sounds like your doing everything you can, my eldest was like this as a toddler but grew out of it.

Extreme fussiness is just lazy parenting

That's a ridiculous statement.

It sounds to me like the diet of people with no money to spend on food.

Are they very hard up? Debts?

OP said they have plenty of money.

I worry about my nephew. He's just gone 1 and my dB an sil feed him loads of quavers/wotsits etc. They were at mine they other day and I gave him some cut up grapes, but sil started feeding him some quavers instead so he just ate them. He is suffering from constipation, bless him, but they just aren't putting it together.

Extreme fussiness is just lazy parenting

erm its not. both me and my DB were extremely fussy - we simply wouldn't eat if we didn't like it - we didn't get crisps etc. but we wouldn't eat anything else wither. our GP told my mum to give us what we would eat and that we would grow out of being fussy. guess what? we grew out of it and are both healthy adults.

I think there is too much focus on healthy eating around kids - they don't need to be as healthy as adults - they can eat more fats etc. because they are growing aand running around more they need more energy than we do.

if OPs friends kids seem fine and aren't unwell or at the docs all the time I would think they are normal kids and keep out of it.

Alice you'll never win the 'fussy eaters = lazy parents' argument. Especially on MN.

Alice perhaps you don't mind your child projectile vomiting across the table because a texture is intolerable, or in a restaurant or in another child's food (all of which I have had to deal with). Perhaps you don't have a child that describes something that he can't tolerate to eat as "hurting". Weirdly, my son finds that chips "hurt". Perhaps you haven't done any sensory disorder courses because you don't need to. However, you clearly have no understanding of spectrum disorders at all.

And you won't win, because, its's not always true. Yes, in some cases. but not all cases.

The dad is so busy at work I think he leaves her to it. So surely he is just as responsible. Whatever is going on you are going to get flamed OP.

My nephew only ate the following for nearly a year, cocoa pops and a smidgeon of milk, quavers, ALL kinds of chocolate and sweets, any themed yoghurt, ALL biscuits and cakes and, wait for it, avacado pear and cottage cheese (all flavours) chopped together on a side plate with his special Thomas fork. Once he hit 4, he changed slowly, started eating more and now at 19 eats everything and anything. I judged my sister for being lazy (rightly or wrongly) because she simply let him get on with it and it seemed odd to me (in my childless state then) that funny how he's happy to eat all the sweet yummy treat food.

"Extreme fussiness is just lazy parenting"

I have one extremely fussy child and one who will eat anything, I'm confused as to whether I am a lazy parent or not

OP, is your friend from a more disadvantaged background? Perhaps if this is what she ate as a child then she believes that this is the correct way to feed her children? **

She could have really fussy children who will only eat those things or maybe she doesn't know how to cook? Maybe you could invite them round one night for dinner and then she might say 'oh my children won't eat that' and it can start the conversation, maybe she just needs some ideas and inspiration. I think inviting them to dinner would be a good way to start the conversation without offending her.

It's like saying "Naughty kids = lazy parenting" you are completely ignoring/overlooking/failing to realise that some people have disorders, such as ADHD and Autism, which makes their behaviour more difficult to manage. On the 'outside' that child over there is screaming and shouting and kicking. It's easy to think "Tch, what a brat, the parents needs to buck up. I wouldn't tolerate that behaviour."
But to the parents. That 'brat' is overloaded and can't cope with the fact that there are too many people in the road hustling and bustling about, music is being played by some town band, a dog is barking and traffic is going by.

So, be a bit more aware and lessen your "I must be a better parent, because my kids aren't fussy eaters" attitude.