Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Where do parents get off being rude to school staff?

216 replies

JackandDiane · 06/01/2016 17:55

How do they think it's acceptable to ring up a receptionist to rant and swear and demand action. To threaten staff that they'll come down and find them if staff don't ring back by a certain time?
I simply can't imagine speaking to anyone like this. Particularly a stranger that you want to help them.
Do you shout at school staff? What do you think it will achieve ?

OP posts:
Iliketoparrty · 06/01/2016 20:38

I work for a local council. If someone doesn't like my answer to their question I get, I pay your wages, I'm your boss, do as I say and my personal favourite - I own you! I get at least one of these most weeks.

FoxInTheDesert · 06/01/2016 20:38

Our school has sent a letter out recently stating clearly that any student whose parent is verbally abusive to a member of staff will be removed from the school. The issue is with parents that there must be someone to be blamed when something happens. Kids are kids and things don't always go as we would like. But to rant and rave at staff, whether in person or by email; not acceptable.

BishopBrennansArse · 06/01/2016 20:40

Try having staff do it to you. More than once.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 06/01/2016 20:45

Way out of line. All you could have done was pass on the message. Now there is no excuse, but could their child be getting bullied and its been done through frustration, which does happen/can happen if your child is being hurt.
Perhaps they've been waiting a long time for someone to call back, and snapped. But I want to stress again that does not mean in anyway that I think it's excusable for the way you were spoken to, Just saying I can sometimes see in some situations how things can happen .

LatteLady · 06/01/2016 20:49

Then if they have not followed due procedure, you have a right of appeal, on those grounds.

This panel should be independent of the previous panel, and should not be tainted. Now this means that they should be open and without preconceived ideas, it does not mean that they do not have prior knowledge as in a school it would be almost impossible not to be aware of issues.

Use this as your base and get the investigation results reviewed.

It would be helpful to know the sort of school this is, eg LA, Academy, Religious as this will determine your further options.

ipissedofateacher · 06/01/2016 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouTheCat · 06/01/2016 20:52

We had a parent turn up with a gun... in a primary school.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 06/01/2016 20:54

You don't have to say on here but I hope the parent was if not arrested and charged at least cautioned by the authorities.

Woodhill · 06/01/2016 20:54

I have worked in schools and in my dcs primary the receptionist was quite rude and scary. The teachers can be patronising and we are all humans. I think In primary the parents may get treated like the dc at times. Still self control is good.

Original poster
JackandDiane · 06/01/2016 20:55

i thought both BARRELS as in or bullets

OP posts:
Bubbletree4 · 06/01/2016 20:58

School staff are just like everyone else. 90% lovely people, with the remaining 10% being assholes.

Between my dc, they've been at school 10 years, so 10 teachers between them. 9 of these teachers, I love them for the work they did with my dc. Never had any problems. The remaining one, well, she shouldn't work with kids as she despises all of them, she had a terrible reputation so I was very careful to be polite, get all materials etc asked for, not to bother her with anything unnecessary etc etc and she still spoke to me like I was shit on her shoe and belittled my child (as well as plenty of others). I saw her shout at another parent for a reasonable and completely innocent question.

Same with parents. Most are fine. A few assholes no matter what and then a further chunk of the nice people who get upset and angry when they feel their child is getting a rough deal.

BeaufortBelle · 06/01/2016 20:59

Mrs DeVere said it better than me.

I have been the butt of far more school and nursing voices being raised and rude than vice versa. Now I'm older I'm much better at catching flies with jam than getting clipped and defensive.

I raised my voice once to a head teacher. After my DD was left on a concrete floor too ill to get up because her reception staff couldn't be bothered to get off their backsides to help her because neither she nor a friend had reported it to the office. They had been and were too scared to go back because the office staff had a rep for shouting. The friend called me and I phoned and they ignored me. The head had to go to the cloakroom in the end because I. Had to bring the car round to the entrance and dd couldn't be unattended. At that point I just quietly said "you were in lico parentis".

I took dd in two days later for a music exam and politely asked to sign her in in the office and was told off aggressively vid a vis health and safety. I responded as loudly that they had no business to talk to me about health and safety and was told off.

I spoke to the head half an hour later and let rip like her office staff had let rip at me over health and safety and was shouted at like a twelve year old.

I made a formal complaint to the chair of governors about safeguarding, lack of action and the conduct and competence of the head and her office staff.

Skullyton · 06/01/2016 21:00

Parents are humans, they're not infallible, and sometimes they get upset, frustrated and angry.

Teachers are not Gods, they are not always right. Sometimes they're incompetent and down right just plain BAD at their jobs.

I'm glad some of you have never ever been in a situation where you're so upset at how your child has been treated by a school/member of staff and their complete and utter failure to safeguard or protect your child, or provide what they are legally obliged to provide and have actively discriminated against them year after year, that in a moment of madness your emotions get the better of you and you end up shouting at one of them.

I hope you're never put in that situation. I have been, so have many others who've had children bullied or who have disabilities or SEN.

I wouldn't wish what we have to go through just to get our children the education they have a right to, on anyone.

shazzarooney99 · 06/01/2016 21:01

I dont agree with shouting and swearing at staff, but by eck some situations get so annoying, especially if you have a child that constantly bullies yours making your childs school time miserable. hitting constantly ect, and especially when it looks like nothing is being done can be completely frustrating.

Kreacherelf · 06/01/2016 21:06

This thread has made me sad Sad

Won't somebody think of the children?!?

Original poster
JackandDiane · 06/01/2016 21:09

i FORGOT that shouting gets you a better service.

OP posts:
YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 06/01/2016 21:18

Blimey.

I have been shouted at and threatened - the parent who told me she would fill me in actually had form for beating people up so I had to report to police. I get paid enough for that - the receptionist does not and I get very annoyed when people take it out on them.

If anyone sat in our reception until they saw the head, they wouldn't just need a book, they'd need a packed lunch. Ex-head - because he didn't give in to bullies and divas, and would only see appointments. New head - good luck finding her....

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 06/01/2016 21:21

Had form for beating people. It begs the question as to why she was permitted to walk the streets. Great example she is to her kids.

CombineBananaFister · 06/01/2016 21:22

Actually JackandDiane, it would seem that shouting does get you better service a lot of the time hence the saying, 'we always oil the squeaky wheel' - disappointing as that is Sad

As for the being rude to receptionists whether it be doctors/school/retail, I find it depends on the situation. There are rude, patronizing, aggressive staff and similar parents/patients/customers, it's a shame they can't be matched up in dealings Grin. But no-one deserves it if they weren't dishing it out.

Original poster
JackandDiane · 06/01/2016 21:26

Someone answers the phone with the name of the place they work in and they get shouted at? they have NO KNOWLEDGE of the events and can do nothing about it?

WOW

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 06/01/2016 21:28

I worked in customer complaints for a long time. Shouting did not get anyone a better service from me.

ButImNotTheOnlyOne · 06/01/2016 21:31

This thread has made me so thankful for the loveliest woman who is my dc's school secretary and the lovely respectful teaching staff.

I have had many many many discussions (dc has complex needs) with the school, some of which have been difficult and have always been treated with absolute respect. And I reciprocate that I hope. I am so grateful for what they do for dc.

I've never heard anyone shout in the school - parent or teacher. The school in a very mixed area in a city. Genuinely shocked to read this whole thread

BeaufortBelle · 06/01/2016 21:34

JackandDiane do you think it might help if the person picking up the phone perhaps said "Good morning, local school name, Jane speaking" rather than a rough sounding "locaw Skaw" shouted down the phone folliwed by an abrupt silence that says metaphorically "*k off because I can't be bovvered.

I think this argument works both ways.

Blueandwhitelover · 06/01/2016 21:34

If sommeone had tried to set my child on fire, they wouldn't be going back to school, job or no job!

Ackvavit · 06/01/2016 21:34

Really hope this all works out for all concerned. For what it's worth I'm a parent and after a bit of light communication with one of my DC teachers several years ago who was being made redundant my DH and I made a very innocuous comment about how much our DS had loved having him as a teacher and made a light hearted in reference to another female teacher in the same dept who DS liked but found her style a little over the top and like a show of all her life experiences every lesson, but learnt little of use to pass the exam. Our son said he wasn't sure he could listen to any more of Miss XX stories as they were so far fetched and got more fancy every time. It was done very lightheartedly and very much in the moment that the male teacher was losing his job. Female teacher found out and launched herself at me as a parent in the car park shouting the odds, ironically doing exactly what our DS had said annoyed him in lessons. She then threw at me, and hand on heart we had pretty easy to please conforming kids, "i liked you because you were ordinary and now it seems you can't be pleased...with absolutely zero reason. We still laugh and are baffled at her especially as she used to "love how down to earth and normal you guys are". Lost on her was the fact a decent guy was losing his job, he'd really motivated out teenager, she was a little loud brash and bragging about her life in lessons. Teachers, frontline staff, doctors receptionists all take and give flack. op hope it works out. ipissedoff good luck you need a decent sleep and just try and stay composed. Hopefully the people you are seeing also know the details and MUST help you tomorrow especially as you have followed all the right protocol. Thoughts will be with you.