To think dss is being unreasonable, or am I?

[DadKeepsCalm1]

So today I finished unusually early from work, I normally finish about 5 to half 5. So as I was coming home from work (drive) I noticed it was almost the end of the school day at dd and ds school. So I decided to pick them up and get a coffee and cake. The school is not much of a detour on the way home. Dss goes to a different school it is very far from ds and dd school.

Dss and my kids normally get a bus home, dss bus was delayed and he got home considerably later.

Dss thinks that I should have come to pick him up, despite this meaning a massive journey in the midst of rush hour. Dss has then called me selfish and inconsiderate. However dss made no effort trying to contact me to explain journey problems, if I would of known of these I would have collected him.

So Aibu or dss ?

I would like to add that both were punished for their actions.

Come home this evening to find ds and dss playing happily on the playstation.

Bump

That's good. I'm not sure what more anyone here can say. I don't think it's worth revisiting the hotel issue. It does seem to me that the issue which sparked your stepson speaking out may in itself have been trivial but is a culmination of incidents where 4 of you , including his mother, are playing happy family.

I think you can see that now and will be able to avoid it in the future.

But I think the hotel thing shows that ds wants to exclude dss, which was not helped by the fact that I allowed it. But their relationship has taken a bad turn since summer and they have almost daily falling outs. It is effecting everyone's mode in the house.

For example I have had to send dss to his room tonight for calling ds the c word and a wanker.

Why does dealing with this fall exclusively on you?

The problem is that there are so many things in family life which can cause issues between the very closest of siblings - including you and every minute reaction you give to every situation (although you won't be able to totally see that yourself as no one is able to be that self-aware or critical).

As such, no one on an anonymous Internet forum can keep diagnosing and explaining all the issues they're having by your inevitably one-sided text.

However if this really really worries you, have you thought about some family counselling? A place for both boys to be able to perhaps identify and express their feelings a bit, but with an independent expert without all of your (natural and unavoidable) biases in the room?

My wife is a trained counselor and she has said it is to do with attention and rivalry.

It's good you've got some insight from her however, not to dismiss your wife's viewpoint, but my DH's mum is a trained counsellor and has either never spotted or totally deluded over his issues, especially the ones caused by her ... so you may both potentially both a bit too close to the boys and each other to really understand what's causing trigger points and arguments.