This is an OTT reaction from crazed DP isn't it??

[LemmysMole]

I feel like I'm going crazy.

Earlier dp confused me for his ex for the 2nd time in two days (another thread). On top of this he's been really argumentative and snappy with me for the past week or so - example was recently snapping at me when I mentioned our upcoming wedding saying he was sick of hearing about it. He also seems to have gone off sex and even seems reluctant to kiss me giving me a quick kiss then pulling away.

So tonight when he again confused a time with his ex for a time with me I got upset, told him I was pissed off and when he came to hug me I declined (he does this to me ALL the time! I very rarely do it).

Anyway he shut himself away in the dining room. I gave him 20 minutes or so then went in asking if he was going to watch the movie with me. He said "no". I said "don't be like this, I was upset, can we forget it?" And he went into full blown crazed mode - said I wasn't to touch him or go near him, said he was going to call the police if I went near him, started to call the police when I went to hug him. Told me to fuck off and "do one" ... I started to cry (unusual) and told him I didn't want to argue and he carried kicking off at me - physically pushed me away when I went to hug him, refused to talk to me, said he was 'livid' with me and didn't want me near him and when I begged him to stop it (honestly he was acting like a mad man jumping around saying I was abusing him) he imitated me saying I was a drama queen and how hard must it be to live with such a bastard.

Even if I initially over reacted about the reference to his ex (which I fully admit) surely his response is bat shit crazy?? Or is it me?? I really wonder some times

New day. Thank you so much for the support you all have into the early hours. It was invaluable.
I'm still in bed as I didn't sleep at all during the night. He came to bed about 2.30am, because I'd assumed he was sleeping elsewhere by this point I had spread out and he seemed to deliberately sit on me. Anyway I just moved over and didn't say anything and we have not spoken since. He's still snoring his stupid head off - seemingly not a care in the world.

The house is jointly owned although he put much more money in than I did (in court it would be split 50/50 but I'm a good person and won't rip someone off). Therefore for me to keep the house I would have to find 25k to pay him off ( morally, not legally). For him to keep the house he's have to find £10k to pay me off which is probably more realistic. I've been thinking and I'm considering asking him to leave for 6 months, letting me save up more money (and In the meantime I'll pay the mortgage on my own) and then in 6 months I'll leave and buy somewhere of my own. Does that sound fair?
Money is all combined at the moment but that's easily solved. I work full full time and still have my own bank account so finances can be easily seperated again. Thankfully we have no debts to fight over other than the mortgage.

It's the beginning of a plan, yes. How much money is in the joint account? Is there a possibility that he could clear it all out?

It says a lot about you that you are willing to do the right thing but do not expect him to do the same (or even notice that you are)

Don't marry someone who smokes cannabis. Anyone over the age of 21 who does this is a serious saddo.

I'm coming to this late---I'm really sorry you're having to deal with this OP. Hopefully others on MN will have better knowledge of how to break down financial links, but my immediate thought regarding the house is that you should aim for a complete break from him ASAP. I'd worry that waiting six months before sorting out ownership of the house would give him a route to hassle or intimidate you. Maybe you should speak to a solicitor? I hope others on here can give more specialist advice.

About £2k in the joint account and I have £1400 saved for the wedding in my savings account.

I've just done an entitled to calculation and it's pretty dire - bloody Tories still I'd get a bit of child tax credit and my child benefit. I still get maintainance from their dad too.

However hard it will be it will be better than being stuck with this prick. Get away from him now.

I agree, don't, it leaves far too long for him to re invent things more! change his mind and stitch her up. Best sorted sooner but I can understand how, financially this will be tricky.

Seriously, do not trust him in any of this, he will screw you over.

Lemmy good morning and look after you. You mentioned child benefit, where there children in the house last night?

Off to church, check in later.

Thinking of you Lemmy.

PS DO not send those invites - hide them for now.....

Unless to do so sends him into a rage, who knows what he will say when he gets up or how much he will remember.

I don't see how I could leave before 6 months though, I'd be paying more in rent than I would buying plus my job is 6 month probation still and I'm only in month 2 - no mortgage lender would look at me

Listen to your gut.

When's the wedding? How long have you been together?

Can you temporarily move in with family for a few months? Nothing is more important than your safety. The money can be sorted out down the line.

He sounds batshit and there's no way I'd marry a drug user whether it was casual use or not (two joints an evening isn't).

That sounds like a good plan, you have £1.5k saved up for the wedding, use that on renting short term so that you can get away from him. I would sell the house and use your share to buy something small for you and the kids. You need out, tomorrow look at rental places in your area and get out!!! I am glad you have seen this side of him before marrying.

Be thankful you are going through this now and not after the wedding. He is showing you his true colours and giving you a lifeline to get out.

The cannabis use would put me off alone, especially with children around. You all deserve so much more.

Be strong, life will be better, I promise.

look at tax credits, income support etc

Just skimmed the thread, so apologies if I've missed something.

He sounds like an emotional abuser and he's got you in training (reversing the blame). In your shoes I would not marry this man. I don't think he makes you feel safe and secure in your own home which every partner should do. I think it likely that his smoking cannabis may have a lot to do with his odd behaviour, but it sounds as though he is not in love with you.

I think you are right to walk away. I am not sure you will get him to leave the property, especially as he may feel he has more right to it than you (not true, but he may feel this way). I would quietly make plans to leave, call off the wedding, find your own place to rent, you have the cash for a deposit, let him buy you out of the house as that seems the easiest solution then find a place to buy on your own, one with no memories attached.

Good luck, stay strong, I don't often post with a ltb response, but I think staying with him will only bring you longer term pain.

Would it be an idea for you to move out, make a fresh start?
That way you don't have to tell him the address and make a completely clean break. Also, it might be difficult to get him out.

Sell the house. Divide 50/50.

The wedding savings are in YOUR savings account. By that I assume you mean it isn't joint. So that £1,400 is yours. There could be the deposit on a place to rent. Use it.

It sounds like you have children, though they are yours and not his. They are witnessing this. It will be damaging them. Plus, they are breathing in his second hand cannabis smoke surely.

Get out while you can still do so relatively easily.

try housing association in your area too. One thing is for certain, is that you need out of that relationship. Whether its the drug use making him like this, or whatever, this is a dark side to him that you are now seeing, and it isen't nice. Yes smoking 2 joints every night is an addiction, but its not your problem. Put your kids and you first now.

Topseyt YY to everything you say

Oh lemmy, I've just caught up. From your first thread it wasn't clear how bad things were for you. Leave now, while you can. I ended a relationship and cancelled a wedding when I was younger and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done but also one of the best as I'm not with my DH and happy. A man who is making you feel the way he is and smoking so much weed is not worth a minute of your time, never mind your whole life. Take care and be kind to yourself. Xx

Now with my DH not not with my DH (autocorrect!) xx