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AIBU?

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Original poster

This is an OTT reaction from crazed DP isn't it??

206 replies

LemmysMole · 02/01/2016 22:56

I feel like I'm going crazy.

Earlier dp confused me for his ex for the 2nd time in two days (another thread). On top of this he's been really argumentative and snappy with me for the past week or so - example was recently snapping at me when I mentioned our upcoming wedding saying he was sick of hearing about it. He also seems to have gone off sex and even seems reluctant to kiss me giving me a quick kiss then pulling away.

So tonight when he again confused a time with his ex for a time with me I got upset, told him I was pissed off and when he came to hug me I declined (he does this to me ALL the time! I very rarely do it).

Anyway he shut himself away in the dining room. I gave him 20 minutes or so then went in asking if he was going to watch the movie with me. He said "no". I said "don't be like this, I was upset, can we forget it?" And he went into full blown crazed mode - said I wasn't to touch him or go near him, said he was going to call the police if I went near him, started to call the police when I went to hug him. Told me to fuck off and "do one" ... I started to cry (unusual) and told him I didn't want to argue and he carried kicking off at me - physically pushed me away when I went to hug him, refused to talk to me, said he was 'livid' with me and didn't want me near him and when I begged him to stop it (honestly he was acting like a mad man jumping around saying I was abusing him) he imitated me saying I was a drama queen and how hard must it be to live with such a bastard.

Even if I initially over reacted about the reference to his ex (which I fully admit) surely his response is bat shit crazy?? Or is it me?? I really wonder some times

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 02/01/2016 23:49

No he sounds utterly dangerous at the moment and intimidating, if you have to, please call the Police, that is what they are there for!

ImperialBlether · 02/01/2016 23:50

I know you're caught up in this, OP, but it's so ridiculous that you are questioning yourself. He's off his head - he's smoking too much and he's damaged himself. He's blaming you because, of course, he can never be to blame.

You need to get away from him or get him away from you, one or the other.

Yourarejokingme · 02/01/2016 23:50

Please leave before this escalates future.

Do not engage with him at all.

You've had great advice use it.

DragonsCanHop · 02/01/2016 23:52

This is what your life will be like if you stay.

In the morning He will blame you for his behaviour and you will apologise and think of ways for it not to happen again - that is called walking on egg shells.

Do you want to spend your life walking on egg shells, trying not to break them?

Can I ask how old you are and where your mum, dad, nanna, grandad, aunts, uncles are?

trackrBird · 02/01/2016 23:52

I'm sorry, but it is a very bad idea to continue a relationship with this man, let alone marry him.

There's no point at which this will stop, or improve. It will get much worse. A thought: you say you're soft, which is lovely, but completely wasted on people who act like this. So please don't fall for any 'poor guy' stories he might feed you to justify his behaviour.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 02/01/2016 23:54

Ok, given your update it's likely that it's some sort of cannabis paranoia/psychosis.

There will be an underlying reason behind it, but that can wait.

The priority is to make yourself safe.

Can you go somewhere else to sleep? A Travelodge? A friend? Can you lock a bedroom door? Parents?

YouTheCat · 02/01/2016 23:54

Run

LittleBeautyBelle · 02/01/2016 23:54

I haven't read the whole thread yet. I had a few ideas about this, but I think the most likely explanation is that he is bringing up the ex on purpose to set you off, he is being hateful to you and blowing up every thing you're doing and saying so that you two will break up and he won't have to marry you.

He is accelerating the strife because of the invitations are about to go out and he has to do something to make you want to break up yet he doesn't want to be honest and tell you he is involved with someone else or that he doesn't want to get married.

His behavior is truly bonkers, he may be mentally disturbed. A super short fuse, the tiniest amount of stress sets him off on the nearest convenient object, you, and the medium type stress of getting married has thrown him over the edge into berserkville.

The invitations was the trigger. It's getting close to the wedding, it's becoming real now and he must do something to stop it. Has he been feeling pressured into getting married for some reason? If so, what is the reason?

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 02/01/2016 23:55

Oh Lemmy Sad

Yes, certain types of skunk/cannibis can make you paranoid, psychotic even I believe - but this?? It's too much.

This worrying too:
"said he feels like going for advice about the abusive he suffers from me and said he feels like chucking the whole thing because he's sick of me."

Something's going on with him, and he's trying to put it all on you.

LittleBeautyBelle · 02/01/2016 23:59

After reading some of the responses, I have to agree with pp who say DO NOT marry this man. It will only get worse. And it's already unbearable.

He will drive you crazy, he is so not worth it. Find a decent human being to marry instead. He will not get better but worse. This trait of his negates any and all other supposedly good ones.

Don't ever marry an angry, mean, or petty man. You will regret it bitterly until the end of your days. It will be a misery akin to hell on a hot day, 365 days a year.

LittleBeautyBelle · 03/01/2016 00:00

invitations were

SmallLegsOrSmallEggs · 03/01/2016 00:06

How are you now OP?

I know it toigh to be thinking about getting out when you were plannjng a wedding.

But please don't start blaming yourself or letting him blame you. Or trying to fix him.

The mixing you up with ex. It happens. But any normal person goes "oh fuck. I am so sorry. Cannot believe I did that...." etc. They don't get arsey with you about their mistake.

If you stay with him he is always going to turn things round on you.

TheWitTank · 03/01/2016 00:16

Good lord, you poor thing. Echoing pp, please consider getting out of this relationship ASAP. He is drug using, abusive and controlling. He is not a man you want to marry. I'm actually concerned for your safety being there.

RJnomore1 · 03/01/2016 00:17

Lemmy are you ok?

Original poster
LemmysMole · 03/01/2016 00:22

I'm ok, I've come to bed now (alone). The sad part is I think I've always known he didn't want to be with me but whenever I've brought it up he's made out that I'm being paranoid. If he doesn't want me, why can't he say "yes you're right, I made a mistake and I don't want to marry you". Why all the confusion and uncertainty. I feel desperately sad and lonely. For the past couple of weeks I've known something was up and I've found myself being clingy, emotional and a bit pathetic. Each time he reassures me that nothing is wrong when clearly it is. Why won't he just be honest? I'm that lonely I have fantasies of being with another man just for one night - just to feel wanted and feel affection and passion. I'm starting to forget what it's like.

OP posts:
SparkleSoiree · 03/01/2016 00:25

He won't be honest because he is not brave enough. It's a difficult thing to tell another person, especially one you are so close to marrying, that you don't want to be with them anymore.

You should heed the warnings in his behaviour and your own gut. If you fail to do that and go ahead and marry him against your better judgement then you know in the bottom of your stomach that the marriage will end in divorce. That's a completely emotionally wrecking experience for all involved and completely rips your life apart. If children come along...dear oh dear.

Arfarfanarf · 03/01/2016 00:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bathsheba · 03/01/2016 00:29

If his behaviour continues tomorrow can you video him because he WILL deny it.

You are worth better than this.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 03/01/2016 00:31

Lovey, some people are just cowardly. They will do anything to not be 'perceived' as the bad guy, even though that in itself will include some horrible behaviour, and treating people very very badly.

I can't remember who said it, but "men care not for the tears of women they no longer love" or something like that Sad

The absolute best thing to do for your sanity and safety is to start planning to be without him. It will hurt. But you can do it. I've been through it myself.

Big hugs to you, stay safe. Thanks

AcrossthePond55 · 03/01/2016 00:33

I agree with BeautyBelle. He doesn't want to marry you and the invitations have made it all too real.

What mental health/drug/cheating issues he may or may not have right now are secondary to the fact that you must tell him tomorrow that the wedding is off. Or if you just can't bear that thought at the moment that it is postponed indefinitely. You absolutely cannot marry this man.

What you do after that is up to you. If it were me, I'd be calling time on the whole relationship and moving out or asking him to leave.

If by some remote chance he has had some type of mental 'breakdown', some unknown illness that is affecting his behaviour, or has a drug problem and he wants to heal, he needs to deal with that on his own. But I think it much more likely that he's had a massive change of heart and is too much of a coward to tell you.

lorelei9 · 03/01/2016 00:33

Lemmy, you ask "why won't he be honest". But you be honest with yourself, why are you with this man? Whatever mix up he has in his head, you also have one. You must address it by finishing this relationship, then ask yourself how you got here.

And please make some friends, I'm highly introverted but it's great to have people for mutual support. I feel as if "no friends" is a common feature when people post about relationships that they should leave. Don't be that poster in five years saying " I thought he'd change". This relationship needs to end.

ShmooBooMoo · 03/01/2016 00:52

Because he's gutless! If he gets you to call it a day he ceases to become the bad guy, doesn't he?

Skzr1214 · 03/01/2016 00:55

Get out of it as fast as you can! You can do this. You deserve much much better, not a reminder of ex just before wedding invitations are being sent out. It's as big a warning sign as could be. He needs time to grow up and you should not be the one changing his diapers while he is at it. Get out fast. Hugs!

PegsPigs · 03/01/2016 00:57

I'm so sorry Lemmy but if you read this thread on MN and it wasn't you as the OP what would you be saying? Don't marry a man who makes you feel this way. Being on your own is better than being with someone who makes you unhappy. Forever is a long time to be unhappy Flowers

TheTigerIsOut · 03/01/2016 01:05

This man is screaming at you, with his actions, that he doesn't want to marry you but you are trying to talk him into reason and get going with the wedding? Why on Earth are you insisting?

Let him go, he wants out but doesn't have the courage to break the engagement himself.

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