Lemmy I hardly ever post but if it wasn't for the smoking I would have thought you were posting about my XH. Just in case you are his last initial was N so PM me!
XH did exactly the same to me during the almost 6 years we were together. I went from a bubbly, bright, confident and self assured woman to quite literally a shell of a human being, just going through the motions every day because of his emotional and increasingly violent abuse.
It started off small, comments about little things to make sure I stepped into line. For example at the time I was mostly estranged from my immediate family (I am now fully NC) for various reasons and early on I remember he made a general comment about how those with family issues needed extra emotional support and how he thought people like that were a drain etc. Instead of fleeing for the hills I chose instead to self moderate to ensure I never let my emotions regarding my family show.
It progressed over the years to the point where if we had arguments he would escalate them with emotional abuse (pathetic/useless/fat/scum/etc) to a point where I was a crying mess and then he would film me and threaten to show the police/family/friends/work because I was unhinged and I'd go to jail/lose my job/friends/etc.
The people saying you're in the wrong for trying to touch him have no idea what it is like. I used to do the same. When he was screaming maniacally at me I'd be begging him to stop, in absolute pieces and thinking that human contact would calm him and make him stop and realise I was a person I would lightly touch his forearm and he would literally jump back as if I'd touched him with a hot poker screaming and raving that I'd assaulted him and he would have me arrested etc. It was all to minimise his actions and to gaslight me into thinking I was the person in the wrong and he was justified in his response.
I stupidly married this man even though he was doing this to me because I loved him and I had no one and we'd already paid the deposit on our wedding and what would people think and... All reasons that I believed were important and stopped me from seeing sense.
You say you're alone but you probably don't realise who is there for you. I had no one. Literally no one. We lived in a town with his family and friends. I lost literally everything the day I left but surprisingly I wasn't alone. People that I'd kept at a distance, because I was hiding the abuse, we're there for me. For me, my support came through Aunts and work friends that I didn't realise how close I was to. My boss offered to put me in a hotel on the works account until I found a place, a colleague offered a loan for a deposit on a rented room in a house share (spare room.com), another colleague was so worried about me going to strangers houses to look for rooms to live he drove me to them and sat waiting for me to make sure I was safe. Two casual friendships I'd kept at a distancd listened to me go on and on for months about how I was feeling and we are now best friends.
I became whole again. I got my confidence back. On the way to happiness I started a new hobby and made a load more friends and gained a new support system. I had a few dodgy dates with a guy I'd snogged at a party (admittedly he messed me around but I credit him with getting me back on the horse as he fancied someone (me) who'd been repeatedly told she was disgusting and would never be loved) met my fiancé online and admit he is someone I'd never have considered before the abuse because I wouldn't have taken the time to appreciate him and his loveliness!
I'm still broken inside and I still have moments when the darkness my XH caused surrounds me but every day is better since I left 4 years ago and I'm getting back to the bright, bubbly, strong confident woman I am.
Please don't be me, don't let yourself believe you have nothing and no one. Please believe me when I say he won't change no matter how much you cry and beg or how remorseful he is the day after. Please get out before he damages you like I was.