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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend being a dick about my DD's birthday

403 replies

DrMum83 · 02/01/2016 19:58

Am I being all pfb?
Known a couple for 15 years - we're all close, went to uni together, see each other loads as a four, they live 5 mins away.
We have a DD who turns one next week.
They're planning a family but both of them have hectic social lives and on NYE said that they can't bring themselves to ttc as they'd miss their independence but will have kids at some point. have mentioned this to avoid backlash of 'maybe they're having fertility issues', they're not
Since DD was born we have seen them a lot less for obvious reasons. We often invite for dinner at our house or have met individually - so I'd do lunch with the wife and DH might play squash with the husband, but they're really not child friendly- on the few occasions my DD has been there, the husband has completely ignored her existence and the wife has done some obligatory cooing but obviously isn't that bothered. This is fine with us - we get that pre kids, life is about drinking, lie ins and nice holidays and we definitely don't expect our DD to be centre of attention.

So..next weekend were having a really low key tea and cakes birthday thing at our house.
I just made a whatsapp group and added the couple and said 'no offense will be taken if you'd rather not but you're welcome to pop in for a cuppa and cake at any point. I honestly do not mind if you don't fancy it'
The husband replied 'this sounds shit' and then I got notification that 'husband has left group'

Now, I get they're not into kids but AIBU to be miffed at his rudeness? Half of me thinks it's funny- we have a very banterful relationship and it could be just that but ffs, he could have just said he was busy or ignored it??

OP posts:
AliceInUnderpants · 02/01/2016 21:50

Wow, what a wanker. Let us know what the wife says.

serin · 02/01/2016 21:51

He sounds really rude.

I would do exactly as Sparkle suggests!

PurpleDaisies · 02/01/2016 21:51

bambambini that sounds lovely. My godson's first birthday party was a scout hut filled with twenty screaming toddlers, no alcohol and hardly any food. Not all first birthday parties are alike.

Original poster
DrMum83 · 02/01/2016 21:52

Whattsapp stalk - oh it's nothing amazing, you can just see when a person was last active on there by clicking underneath their name

OP posts:
EffieIsATrinket · 02/01/2016 21:53

I can think of no good reason someone TTC would be on the pill (as OP has stated wife is). Yes it has uses beyond contraception but if you decide to TTC you just have to do without it & suffer the consequences or find an alternative.

OP yanbu - rude, rude, rude. Zone them out.

MockTheWeek · 02/01/2016 21:54

I agree with sparklewater!

To be honest, I have a group chat and I'm the sort of unfunny person that might comment something like he did but I wouldn't then leave the group. I would probably leave it a while and then follow up with "only joking, see you there!"

Off thread but how did you edit your screen shot to rub out the names?

Original poster
DrMum83 · 02/01/2016 21:54

He's not on Facebook or I'd definitely be using sparkle's idea!

OP posts:
AliensInUnderpants12 · 02/01/2016 21:55

He sounds so rude and abrupt! What happened to "let me check my diary and get back to you" and then announce they had prior plans? There are ways of saying no politely.

FWIW I wouldn't worry about telling people they don't have to come, just let them know what the plans are and hopefully they will come along to help you celebrate! I think it's fair to warn them in advance if it's a small part at home with tea and cake, or if you e hired out a soft play place and then they can make their own minds up Smile

Stopmithering · 02/01/2016 21:56

Invitation was perfectly fine to me.
Banter or not, his reply has bothered you.
Can't you just tell him?

M48294Y · 02/01/2016 21:56

Ah, ok, just seen your updates and it appears that you are being very pfb Grin.

You created a Whatsapp group to show photos of your daughter for all of your childless friends to enjoy??

I think you should report Moonriver for goading, however.

Original poster
DrMum83 · 02/01/2016 21:57

mock well, I was fuming when an early poster said I was bullshitting about his response so I googled it..
Basically I bought an app called atom draw (£1.49) and then you upload your screenshot/photo to the app and then you can scribble on it. It's really simple. It saved automatically on the camera roll on my iPad... rather proud of myself

OP posts:
UptownFunk00 · 02/01/2016 21:57

Fucking hell I have friends who have a sense of humour that crosses the line twice sometimes but they'd never say something that indicated something I was doing for my child was 'shit'. If they did, they'd be looking forward to a phone number/facebook deletion and that would be that. Who needs someone like that in their lives.

BTW If he dislikes kids so much then he shouldn't be having kids, he's probably just telling her he'll have them at some point and then will put it off. We'll see DFriend on here in 5 years time about her partner who promised he'd have kids even though he doesn't like them...

Original poster
DrMum83 · 02/01/2016 21:58

m48 - the whattsapp photo group was a joke. Of course I didn't!

OP posts:
Original poster
DrMum83 · 02/01/2016 22:00

And my 89 year old great gran wasn't out clubbing on NYE either!

OP posts:
CFSsucks · 02/01/2016 22:02

You aren't being PFB, this is no different to a Facebook group event inviting people to things. FFS, why do people have to say such crap.

Your invite was fine, he was rude. I'd distance myself from someone who is so rude and quite so quick to continuously go on about how much they don't like children. My SIL is like this, I don't bother with her at all.

M48294Y · 02/01/2016 22:03

Ah ok, I see you have a certain kind of sense of humour ... like your friend.

diddl · 02/01/2016 22:04

Tbh I think that it's odd that they told you that they are not ttc.

That's what we said when we were trying but wanted to put people off asking about it!

diddl · 02/01/2016 22:06

If he's known to not like kids then I would have taken his response as an attempt at humour.

TouchingToes · 02/01/2016 22:06

Jaysus what a first class twat he is.

Don't doubt yourself, you are not at all pfb or pa or in any other way at fault.

He is a prize jerk and that he has left the group, well yay. I would not be allowing him back in online or in rl.

As for the whatsapp critics, fgs, it's all fine and normal.

OP stop apologising for having a child, really, you just need better friends x

Original poster
DrMum83 · 02/01/2016 22:10

M48 - my humor doesn't involve being incredibly rude though!

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 02/01/2016 22:13

OP went out of her way to say there are no fertility issues and yet people keep telling her there might be fertility issues Hmm

Even if there are how does that actually change anything and why was Moon pretending to be the wife?

Sallystyle · 02/01/2016 22:14

Ahh fuck.

Your great gran hasn't been on a bar crawl? :(

RivieraKid · 02/01/2016 22:22

Yeouch.

This is an awful response. Frankly, I have the maternal instincts of a brick but I go along to my friend's babies things because, well, they're my bloody friends for a start and their children are their future and by extension a part of mine as well. You don't have to be interested in children to appreciate that your friend's lives have changed in a way that doesn't involve your old shared interests anymore and it doesn't hurt to be a grown up and share in the love and happiness they feel about their children. I can't fathom the selfish reasoning behind this response. Feel for you, OP x

MrsJorahMormont · 02/01/2016 22:23

He's a prick. There's banter rude and then there's being rude for the sake of it. Yes, he's just too cool for school and he wants everyone to know it. Don't have either of them there, meet up with his wife separately, spend as little time as possible with him

Rude people don't change until they begin to feel the consequences of their behaviour. They rely on people pretending to be charmed by the 'banter' and the eccentricity of it all. 'Oh it's just his way, titter titter.' Yes, it's their way, because they think their right to be an arse trumps other people's feelings. Leave him to it.

HesterShaw · 02/01/2016 22:24

Just as a little aside....

I can think of no good reason someone TTC would be on the pill (as OP has stated wife is)

There is probably only about a 0.001% (or something) chance of this, but on all 3 of my failed fertility treatments, I had to start it with taking the pill for 3 weeks. It was part of the deregging process.

Don't assume someone isn't having fertility problems simply because you don't know they are.

Having said that my money's on him intending it to be seen by only his wife and then realising his error, and leaving the group because he was rightly mortified.