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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend being a dick about my DD's birthday

403 replies

DrMum83 · 02/01/2016 19:58

Am I being all pfb?
Known a couple for 15 years - we're all close, went to uni together, see each other loads as a four, they live 5 mins away.
We have a DD who turns one next week.
They're planning a family but both of them have hectic social lives and on NYE said that they can't bring themselves to ttc as they'd miss their independence but will have kids at some point. have mentioned this to avoid backlash of 'maybe they're having fertility issues', they're not
Since DD was born we have seen them a lot less for obvious reasons. We often invite for dinner at our house or have met individually - so I'd do lunch with the wife and DH might play squash with the husband, but they're really not child friendly- on the few occasions my DD has been there, the husband has completely ignored her existence and the wife has done some obligatory cooing but obviously isn't that bothered. This is fine with us - we get that pre kids, life is about drinking, lie ins and nice holidays and we definitely don't expect our DD to be centre of attention.

So..next weekend were having a really low key tea and cakes birthday thing at our house.
I just made a whatsapp group and added the couple and said 'no offense will be taken if you'd rather not but you're welcome to pop in for a cuppa and cake at any point. I honestly do not mind if you don't fancy it'
The husband replied 'this sounds shit' and then I got notification that 'husband has left group'

Now, I get they're not into kids but AIBU to be miffed at his rudeness? Half of me thinks it's funny- we have a very banterful relationship and it could be just that but ffs, he could have just said he was busy or ignored it??

OP posts:
eastwest · 02/01/2016 21:22

Obviously, you should hire a unicorn, spike the party invitation on its horn and send it trotting round to their house. Hmm

Hissy · 02/01/2016 21:23

Love, please don't doubt yourself

IF it was a joke, he'll apologise and be mortified.

IF he meant It he's a twat of the very highest order and your friendship is over.

Not one thing you did was wrong here. Please don't doubt yourself?

Original poster
DrMum83 · 02/01/2016 21:24

eastwest lol!

OP posts:
M48294Y · 02/01/2016 21:24

Ooooh.

Op, ywbu to invite anyone but people who might genuinely be interested in this little gathering (ie. grandparents, close family). It has just been Christmas and New Year incase you haven't noticed and people really are all partied out.

He, otoh, is either breathtakingly rude or breathtakingly socially inept. Either way he's a loser. What a prick.

Maryz · 02/01/2016 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarthasHarbour · 02/01/2016 21:24

OP do you think that moonriver is the wife then? Just asking as you haven't acknowledged that point...

Unless you dont believe moonriver and think she/he is stirring it! Grin

Original poster
DrMum83 · 02/01/2016 21:25

I know, I may well not be aware of fertility issues with them, I think it's highly unlikely but I know it's not 100%

OP posts:
Original poster
DrMum83 · 02/01/2016 21:26

Nah, moonriver is bullshitting. I know the wife will be peed off with her husband and very much doubt she's on mumsnet

OP posts:
Maryz · 02/01/2016 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarthasHarbour · 02/01/2016 21:28

and yes he was spectacularly rude. I like maryz response, and yes - stop apologising for having DCs Smile

FWIW BIL and DSIL didnt tell anyone about their fertility issues until she was PG with DS1. They had been TTC for 3 years.

Mooshbag · 02/01/2016 21:28

That's whtat I thought Dr. Nt sure why previous poster thinks it's PFB to set up a group Confused

Original poster
DrMum83 · 02/01/2016 21:31

I did note we have just had Xmas funnily enough!
It was my pfb's first and hence we had a massive whattsapp group dedicated to photos of her from dec 1st onwards for all of our childless friends to enjoy.
She has a bday close to Xmas, shall I tell her all future birthdays are cancelled because of this as all of her friends and family are 'partied out'?!
Next week is low key - mainly as its a first bday and she hasn't a clue but also taking into account that 89 year old great granny is still recovering from
Her NYE bar crawl

OP posts:
wannaBe · 02/01/2016 21:33

"No, I think you have to make a group for anymore than one person" no that depends on how you do it. If you just send out a message to a group of people then replies will come back to you and only you. But then you don't see who else is in the group either if you receive such a group message. But if you create a group called "birthday party" or such like,then all messages go to the whole group and everyone is notified every time there is a new message from anyone in the group. And anyone not wanting to be part of it will leave the group.

So depends on how you did it. If you created a named group he may have thought he was only replying to you and being bantering in his usual way but then realised he'd replied to a whole group of people and thus left the group in Shock.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 02/01/2016 21:34

for all of our childless friends to enjoy.

Grin
Jackie0 · 02/01/2016 21:34

I'm place marking to hear his wife's response.

Crazypetlady · 02/01/2016 21:35

I'm just here to see if moon returns.
YANBU o.p he's a twat.

Donthate · 02/01/2016 21:36

You haven't done anything wrong. I can't wait for his wife to see the message.

Original poster
DrMum83 · 02/01/2016 21:39

I can't wait either. I've just whattsapp stalked and she hasn't been on wa since half past eleven last night... She obviously doesn't check it very often as she's childless and has more fun things to do

OP posts:
Original poster
DrMum83 · 02/01/2016 21:41

I can understand leaving the group as it is annoying to see everyone else's responses but to do it straight after a rude comment has peed me off.

OP posts:
Bambambini · 02/01/2016 21:41

I did think your invite sounded a be annoying and unwelcoming - funny how folk read things differently.

This is all a bit mysterious, waiting for the wife's reply.

Youknowitmakessense · 02/01/2016 21:46

I just think he sounds like a cock.

Your message was fine.

Bambambini · 02/01/2016 21:46

And why the disdain for first birthday parties? If anything first birthdays are more for the adults than the child. Our pfb's was fabulous - no family just friends. A few hours sitting in the garden in the sun drinking beer and wine - what's not to like!

sparklewater · 02/01/2016 21:48

Whatever the next thing is that he posts on Facebook, just comment 'sounds shit' and nothing else.

eternalopt · 02/01/2016 21:49

YANBU. He's being a bellend. Even if the posters who think the invite itself wasn't too encouraging (I don't agree with that anyway), there's no need for him to be so rude.

I'd be tempted to rise above it and send a message back making light of it to move past it so it doesn't turn into a big thing - if he meant to cause offence I wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction and if he didn't, so be it - just need to write him off as a bit of a pillock. So I'd reply with something like "mmm'k - I'll take that as a no from [insert name of rude bastard]!! [insert name of friend who said she be there] - see you at about x o'clock/ let me know what time you can make it".

He owes you an apology, but you probably won't get it. Making light of it a bit leaves the door open for wife to send her own reply if she wants to disassociate herself from his crappy one

oneowlgirl · 02/01/2016 21:50

Very rude response by him.

Out of interest though, how do you what's app stalk?