Friend being a dick about my DD's birthday

[DrMum83]

Am I being all pfb?
Known a couple for 15 years - we're all close, went to uni together, see each other loads as a four, they live 5 mins away.
We have a DD who turns one next week.
They're planning a family but both of them have hectic social lives and on NYE said that they can't bring themselves to ttc as they'd miss their independence but will have kids at some point. have mentioned this to avoid backlash of 'maybe they're having fertility issues', they're not
Since DD was born we have seen them a lot less for obvious reasons. We often invite for dinner at our house or have met individually - so I'd do lunch with the wife and DH might play squash with the husband, but they're really not child friendly- on the few occasions my DD has been there, the husband has completely ignored her existence and the wife has done some obligatory cooing but obviously isn't that bothered. This is fine with us - we get that pre kids, life is about drinking, lie ins and nice holidays and we definitely don't expect our DD to be centre of attention.

So..next weekend were having a really low key tea and cakes birthday thing at our house.
I just made a whatsapp group and added the couple and said 'no offense will be taken if you'd rather not but you're welcome to pop in for a cuppa and cake at any point. I honestly do not mind if you don't fancy it'
The husband replied 'this sounds shit' and then I got notification that 'husband has left group'

Now, I get they're not into kids but AIBU to be miffed at his rudeness? Half of me thinks it's funny- we have a very banterful relationship and it could be just that but ffs, he could have just said he was busy or ignored it??

I hope I'm not being pfb re WA group - it is genuinely just a really informal thing- more for a bit of socializing for the adults than her!

Could that message have been sent to you by mistake? It doesn't sound like you're overly close so I wouldn't assume they'd be honest about something as personal as fertility issues.

see i would take this what you said "'no offense will be taken if you'd rather not but you're welcome to pop in for a cuppa and cake at any point. I honestly do not mind if you don't fancy it'" as you dont really want them there, it keeps saying if you dont wan too, if you dont fancy it, to me that does not sound inviting it sounds like you are trying to put them off.

So how should I invite people? Paper invites? Email? Phone call.? Pigeon? A shitty whattsapp message seems the least pfb to me...

alan - why dya think we're not close? He lived with my DH for 5 years, were each other's best men, we see them probably weekly and, tbf to them, they were amazingly supportive a few years back when my DH was seriously ill.

Pigeon. It's the only way.

Can you send a Whatsapp message to ore than one person without setting up a group?

Your message was perfectly fine. His was extremely rude and I personally would not continue the friendship unless an apology was offered. Who needs a rude knobhead in their life?

I remember my best friend inviting me by message to her dds 3rd party at a massive soft play, on a Sunday I said... Sounds utter hell! I'll see you at 12

Sometimes you suck things up, and show your face, they're your friends ffs!

I do have some friends I could say 'sounds shit' to. 1st birthdays are pretty shit for all except parents and maybe gps. I went to my own kids ones of course, but wouldn't go to others. My really close friends would be allowed to say 1st birthdays are shit, I didn't get dealt new tastes or a new temperament when I first gave birth.

If he's not that close a friend it might be rude, if he is it could just be banter.

Maryz - yes, that's interesting, I may well say, 'seriously mate, don't worry about coming, I know it's not husband's thing, he's made that pretty clear! I'll give you a text next week to sort a girly lunch' Yes. I think that's a great response, thanks

I think your message was perfectly fine and infact, I sent something similar to friends recently for dds 2nd birthday. I would also send it out as a group to my friends, really can't understand posters saying its pfb?! He was extremely rude and would definitely call him out on it.

I like the comment about party rings that's the sort of banter my best friend and I have!

He was rude but they aren't interested in your child and don't have kids so why would they be interested in coming along? As someone else said your writing is all negative and seems like you don't want them there anyway. Maybe they thought you were rude?

I think I would reply something like:
'Wow - thanks for that stinging remark. Take it that you and whatever his poor wife is called won't be coming then'
And wait to see what she says.

Oops - forgot that asterix made things bold!

they're not having fertility issues

You just can't assume you know! There must have been things you didn't share with even a close friend from the word go. I really don't think you can assume you know the truth about something because the person hasn't said.

I have whatsApp but the thing with groups is that everyone then has to read everyone else's input into the conversation. And everyone then is privy to everyone else's phone number whether they like it or not. Perhaps he didn't want to be part of a whole conversation around a 1st birthday party, or perhaps as someone suggested he meant to forward it to his DW with the comment and then left the group because he didn't realise that group messages do actually go to the whole group and not just the sender. IYSWIM.

Message not seen by the wife yet...

No, I think you have to make a group for anymore than one person