Friend has cancelled me for a holiday that's already booked and paid for.

[Snowyxmastree]

I don't know how to handle this situation.

9 friends 4 couples and 1 single have booked to go on a holiday. I have paid for the flights outright and the hotels get paid for on check in. Everyone has paid for the flights bar the single friend.

I have had to rearrange the booking once already as we have booked non refundable rooms and 4 in the party got invited to a family members wedding.

I have just received a message from single friend to say that she is embarrassed to say that she can no longer go due to the cost. She's owes me for the flight and I have been chasing her for a couple of weeks now. Plus the hotel needs to be paid for nearer the time.

Everybody knows this all non refundable but she hasn't mentioned reimbursing me.

How do I go about doing this?

I will not be doing this again despite this being a annual thing for 5 years now with no issues.

I am so pissed off with friend as the hotel was booked mainly as she was unhappy with a lot of hotels as they didn't do single rooms.

Please help me ask her for this money I am owed. It's £550.

It sounds a good idea for the rest of the group to put feelers out for someone to replace her, but personally I'd avoid telling her you're doing this and keep the whole responsibility on her

Otherwise, if you didn't find anyone, might she try to blame you for this and use it as another excuse not to pay?

I would send her a quick text to say that you've been thinking about how to try and help her out, and you are going to see if anyone from the group can come come up with a replacement to take her place. I would also add something along the lines of "If we can't find anyone - maybe you can look into your insurance policy to see if they will help you repay me?".

Then before she can respond and muddy the waters, I would send the Group the What's App message I mentioned earlier.

You will have stressed AGAIN that payment needs to happen.
You will have shown good will in trying to help her find a solution
You will have given her a heads up that you are going to message the group (even though there is no reason to really)
You will make it much harder for her to renege on payment if a replacement person can't be found.

Is she more your friend OP than being friendly with everyone in the group? If she's yours then beware of looking for everyone in the group to take a financial hit. Keep them informed but try to avoid tipping the problem into their laps if they don't own her.

OP, I really feel for you but think it is time to get aggressive. She simply can't expect you to foot the bill and it was up to her to check the conditions before agreeing to it.

OP, I'm afraid I don't see the default as being to try and help her out.

I would call her and say "you owe me this money - if it helps, then along with the others we can try and find someone else to take your place".

but tbh that last bit only works if you are all easygoing and don't mind someone else coming along.

Could it be that she's just trying to figure out where to get the money from? If she's never been crap with money before perhaps this was a genuine mistake on her part not to read the details etc. Odd that she hasn't at least messaged that she is intending to pay you though.

Hopefully she'll get back to you tomorrow with a plan.

Is she more your friend OP than being friendly with everyone in the group

This.

Also, how much is the hotel going to cost. I'm assuming it's less than the cost of the flight but wondering if it's more!?

if one more attempt at a friendly outcome via a clear, unambigous, text (or better still a group whatsapp comm that shows an informed and united front) that ends with "can you please advise when the due funds will be transferred?" doesn't do the trick, then the next comm were it me would be a letter of demand and headlined with 'WITHOUT PREJUDICE' (aka 'there is nothing in here you can try to twist to use against me')

No, "Without prejudice" is used when you are negotiating a settlement and don't want details of the discussion to be used in court if the negotiations don't work. You never head a letter before claim "Without prejudice" because obviously you do want to use it in court to demonstrate that you gave them a chance to pay up and they didn't take it. If it gets to that point, you need a final pre-action letter. Have a look at Money Claims Online.

Difficult situation.

Non refundable flights often can't be exchanged to another name either. You might want to quietly check that with the airline before offering the possibility that someone else takes her place. No point muddying the waters if it isn't even an option.

Please don't forget you can reclaim the APD if nobody flies. At least get some of the money back. It really does not have to be the full 550 lost for either of you.

Flight is 1/3 cheaper than the hotel so that's the part she needs to cough up now. The hotel is not to be paid for a while yet and she can do overtime if she wants / needs extra as she quite often does this to get extra bits.

DH thinks I should text her tomorow asking her if she definitely wants to give up her place, and of she does we will ask if anyone wants to take her place and pay the £60 for a name change on the flight as it doesn't seem fair to let someone else pay the £60 on top of all other expensises that are outstanding. But state that if we are unable to find someone that she must reimburse us. ??

Opinions on that??

DH reasoning is its a nicer way of stating you owe us the money. And also gives her the chance to reconsider.

If she has messed up her finances or something out of the blue has happened I would expect her to say tbh or borrow the money.

We've all done it, not that long ago I was unemployed inbetween leaving and starting a new job and reling on DH salary and got hit with a £700 debt from not filling in tax credit form and it went straight to solicitors as I didn't get the demands as I forgot to update address when we moved, we didn't have the money so I immediately rang my parents and held my hands up the fact I FICKED UP

Is she usually the type who finds it hard to say no? I wonder if she's felt she couldn't back out?

Not that it's any excuse to put you to this expense. I'd be boiling!

I hope she coughs up OP?

DH's plan seems sensible.

I don't think you should say that you/the group will try to find someone as she is likely to just wash her hands of the whole thing.

What you could say is "If you do decide not to go then you could find someone to take your place but it would cost you £60 to change the names on the tickets." Thus putting the ball firmly in her court. Of course this doesn't stop you and the others actually looking for a replacement but it keeps it as her responsibility if no one is found.

I agree with PP that keeping it friendly but firm at this stage will also help if she may change her mind and come now she knows she will be out the cost anyway.

Agree you have to be friendly but firm, good luck.

I agree it is shit but if she doesn't have the money, she can't pay. She may have a bad credit history or no one to loan from so loans could be out of the question.

When is the holiday?

Could you wait until say the end of the month if she is willing to pay as she could be feeling the financial burn of Christmas and give her time to get her finances in order. But if push comes to shove and she can't pay in time for the holiday, you will have to split the cost 8 ways.

Tbh I reckon she's pulling out because she is the only singleton and scared of being left out.

First thing I think you need to do is communicate that the money is due, but in the nicest way possible. That means you have to email or text with words that assume she is going to pay. Say how sad it is that she has committed to pay the bulk of the holiday and now she won't be going. Then offer to contact the hotel and airline for her to see if the deposit can be transferred to the balance due on the other rooms. Or if the airline will refund the taxes, although they will probably charge an admin fee.

CC your friend in on any emails you send to the airlines or hotel/ booking agent. If its web contact forms, do a screen dump and send her the jpg. You need to keep her in the loop and keep reminding her that you may be helping but this debt is her responsibility.

Once you've done that I would do is tell the other three couples in your friendship group that your friend won't be coming. Don't say anything about the money and make it all about the sadness of not having her company - leave them to remember about the money owed when they think about it later. This step might bring about other solutions, and at least it will protect you from your friends siding with her against you if things go awry later and the story they hear gets distorted. Maybe another friend will be found who can take on the booking?

Leave it a week and if you haven't had a reply, send an email to everyone in your friendship group saying you need their payments by x date, otherwise the card company will charge interest. Add a note about what other payments are due and by which dates. Break it down by person / couple so there is no doubt.

Then if your friend replies that she can't or won't pay or she ignores you twice, you need to call her and ask her direct. After that go back to the group and make it everyone's problem - so that a group solution can be found. You were doing the group a favour and you shouldn't have to shoulder this alone.

I think your DH has a nice way of going about it, but you shouldn't be shouldering the responsibility as others have said. You need to her her to find a replacement. You can of course offer to help her and open the option up to the wider group too as they'll all be affected, but the onus needs to be on her to find her own replacement.

You also need to make clear to her that its both the flights (now) and the hotel (later) that are required payment for. You can remain nice and still make sure she shoulders the responsibility.

I wouldn't go with your dh's plan. She could very easily say she has found someone, the debt is then passed on and the 'replacement' has to pull out. You would still be owed money, but who would you get it from?

She needs to pay and if a replacement is found she can have the money back minus the costs.

There is also the fact that your friends didn't sign up to go away with a random, they are paying to go away with specified friends. They might have based their decision on the people going, they have to be told before others are included.

There is a friend in my wider circle who drives me barmy, I'm perfectly nice to her when everyone meets up. Nobody would know she drives me mad, but I'd rather stick forks in my eyes than go on holiday with her!

Be very careful before making an offer like your DH's.

We had a situation on our group ski holiday where someone had to pull out. In our case everyone pays separately so thankfully no issues like above plus I only go on holiday with classy friends, but I managed to find someone to take her place only to find that Easyjet wanted a) money to change the name and b) the difference inthe cost of flights at the time we purchased them and now, it came to £350 in total so the other friend ended up not coming.

At the minute you've given her a bit of a chance to think through her options. I'd do nothing for at least today. If you want to go for the option of trying to find a replacement I suggest that you phrase it that she can investigate how much it would cost to change the flights to someone else and see if that's a possibility.

Do not say that you'll find the replacement otherwise you'll be stuck with all the costs, plus any additional increases for the flight.

sounds really stressful, I would be really annoyed that she had ignored my message, that's so rude especially when there is quite a lot of money involved and she must know that you will be worried. There hasn't been an emergency of any kind has there? or has she got a boyfriend?

I would probably try and keep all contact in writing so you have a trail in case it is needed for the small claims court later, follow any phone calls with an email with what was discussed.

I would let the rest of the group know what has happened if you haven't already, I hope you get your money back without to much hassle

I think it's really weird that she's not been in touch with you- and that would give me the horrible sinking feeling!

I think your DH's solution is a very good one.

I had been going to say that I would ask her if she wanted to change her mind and still come now that she realises it's unrefundable. Better for both of you ultimately.

I actually think it's a positive sign she hasn't been in touch. Hopefully she is working through her finances now that she knows that she can't get out of it without financial repercussions to see if she can afford it.

I'd give her until at least this evening and then in a recordable fashion get back to her and ask her if she's had a chance to think through what she wants to do i.e. either cancel and pay you the flights + hotel then see what she can get back from the companies b) decide to go ahead and obviously you'd love to have her there ( at this point you probably don't want her there but least costly option) or c) has she found a friend that she can transfer it to and investigated any associated costs. Remind her that credit card bill for flights is due on X date so you'll need the money for then.

I think you need to be careful about giving her too many options as it may back fire on you.