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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend has cancelled me for a holiday that's already booked and paid for.

523 replies

Snowyxmastree · 01/01/2016 13:48

I don't know how to handle this situation.

9 friends 4 couples and 1 single have booked to go on a holiday. I have paid for the flights outright and the hotels get paid for on check in. Everyone has paid for the flights bar the single friend.

I have had to rearrange the booking once already as we have booked non refundable rooms and 4 in the party got invited to a family members wedding.

I have just received a message from single friend to say that she is embarrassed to say that she can no longer go due to the cost. She's owes me for the flight and I have been chasing her for a couple of weeks now. Plus the hotel needs to be paid for nearer the time.

Everybody knows this all non refundable but she hasn't mentioned reimbursing me.

How do I go about doing this?

I will not be doing this again despite this being a annual thing for 5 years now with no issues.

I am so pissed off with friend as the hotel was booked mainly as she was unhappy with a lot of hotels as they didn't do single rooms.

Please help me ask her for this money I am owed. It's £550.

OP posts:
annielouise · 01/01/2016 20:13

Let everyone know as soon as possible. I know I would suggest everyone split the cost rather than you be out of pocket for the full £550. I don't mean pay for her to go though, just anything you're out of pocket for.

So 1) see if you can cancel her hotel room (I don't see why not as they hotel might be able to relet it so try as soon as possible); 2) get fees/taxes back on flights to minimise the cost; 3) I think with the small claims court you have to have tried to sort it out between yourselves first and that includes writing to her (have some proof of posting) - the small claims court webpage will explain. If you do it online it's £25 and she will have to pay for this anyway.

She's an idiot. She'll not only have lost you as a friend but if I was one of the others going I'd want nothing to do with her either so she's lost 8 of you and her reputation for fairness and honesty.

Who on earth thinks now flights are refundable? No one. Once they're booked they're booked and you usually have to pay for any changes - dates, names etc, usually 100% of the cost.

hibbleddible · 01/01/2016 20:14

How about offering her that if either of you can find someone to take her place, that she will only have to pay for the name change?

AliensInUnderpants12 · 01/01/2016 20:16

What a horrible situation! DH usually goes away once a year with his friends and he organises everything. Not that any of them are flakey, but he always checks when each person is able to pay and then waits until each payment has been transferred to his account until he goes ahead and books the flights and hotels. They usually plan ahead about 5-6 months.

If it was me I would explain to the other members of the group what has happened and hope that you could all split the extra expense between you if the lady who has dropped out can't/won't pay you the £550.

ElleGrace · 01/01/2016 20:18

I think you need to explain to her that even if she somehow didn't know that it was a non-refundable trip, she should have checked that before agreeing to pay hundreds of pounds.
Surely that is something you always check? Especially if you were considering not going!
Unfortunately she sounds like the type that will take a mile if you give her an inch, therefore I'd suggest you don't let her pay you back in installments.

lorelei9 · 01/01/2016 20:21

Stillwishihadabs - er, no similarity whatsoever between what you did and what the OP's friend did!

the thing about instalments is if she literally doesn't have it, then she can't give OP the whole lot.

buckingfrolicks · 01/01/2016 20:24

if you go down the all guns' blazing money focussed route, you risk not only not getting the cash back, but also the friendship group.

The friendship group has a value - an emotional value - that the OP should factor in to her thinking. Unless the OP is certain that the friendship group will survive the type of approaches some posters are recommending, and will remain a warm, welcoming group to the OP, she risks more than cash.

LadyStoic you missed the bit in my suggestion where I clearly said "as you know" referencing the fact that the friend was aware of the arrangements. The small claims courts may well find in her favour, but there is no guarantee that the OP would see a penny of the debt.

A way of enabling the friend to 'save face' is far more likely to result in the money being handed over, than a 'you bitch' approach. And no matter how much posters say they are recommending an assertive approach, the fact is that the friend will be on the defensive, so will read any 'assertive' approach as an attack, and respond likewise.

MooseTrap · 01/01/2016 20:24

MiniPies suggested email is good.

milkmilklemonade12 · 01/01/2016 20:33

minipies that's perfect. Sometimes you just need to be right up front with these people. I'd be tempted to CC in the other people going on the holiday; as you can't be expected to cover this yourself. That's completely unfair! However, her behaviour would put me off perusing further friendship with her.

Lexigrey · 01/01/2016 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StrictlyMumDancing · 01/01/2016 20:37

minipies brilliant

angelos02 · 01/01/2016 20:45

I would ask her who she expects to foot the bill.

Sunbeam1112 · 01/01/2016 21:33

I feel sorry for yoy op. I hope youget the issue resolved. I would end all ties with this girl and inform the others of her actions. Shes trying it on and its not down to you to cover the shortfall nor is your other friends.

SuperFlyHigh · 01/01/2016 21:38

Sucking I can see that, but I wouldn't be happy especially if I were going through money problems to have it splashed all over a forum.

I don't agree going all guns blazing either, my situation was different but sometimes you do have to do that or write off the money and probably the friendship too.

planter · 01/01/2016 21:41

Oh she's going to be a slippery fish!

I think you need to deal with her very directly. Not aggressively, but don't beat about the bush...

SuperFlyHigh · 01/01/2016 21:43

I would perhaps think... It's been Christmas maybe the friend has been over stretching herself and maybe she could afford to pay back the money for the flights or to even go away on the holiday.

Is there no way she could pay back eg at end of the month or when she has a chance to get the money together?

If you avoid someone re repayment it's most likely embarrassment at being broke and there's no need to criticise her spending habits just say what you want and the best outcome.

Redlocks28 · 01/01/2016 22:08

I'd let the others in the group know!

SlightlyJaded · 01/01/2016 22:18

OK so you have a WhatsApp group thing going on? That's good.

Send out a message to everyone including her along the lines of:

"Sadly, XXX is unable to join us :( Given that the flight and accommodation are non refundable, can we work together to try and help XXX by thinking of someone who might like to take her place?"

That way, you have reiterated in writing, to everyone, that she KNOWS it's non refundable, and you have shown good will by trying to help her out of paying by looking for someone to taker her place.

That's what I'd do.

rollonthesummer · 01/01/2016 22:22

Good plan, slightly jaded.

riverboat1 · 01/01/2016 22:27

The thing is with flights, I don't even think you can transfer them to another person can you? I think it's the person named on the booking who has to use the flight. A lot of the time, anyway.

MimiSunshine · 01/01/2016 22:32

I had a friend do this to me once. I just said oh that's a shame but you will still need to pay your share.
There was a moment of open mouthed shock then she suddenly decided she could afford it after all.

FlowersAndShit · 01/01/2016 22:33

I must be on a different planet to these people because I can't understand how you could be such a shitty human being to put your friend, who acted in good will, in the shit and expect them to lose out of hundreds of pounds. Who the fuck does that?!

OP, I really hope you get your money back, take her to the small claims court if she won't play ball.

Original poster
Snowyxmastree · 01/01/2016 22:34

Still no response.

DH thinks I should leave it until tomorrow before phoning her / messaging if she ignores me.

He see the good in people and thinks she will pay up. Ever since getting the message I've had a gut feeling she wouldn't pay.
She can sometimes be flaky or arrangments but has never let me down with money in the past.

No she's not recently single, been the only singleton to come away with us and we all include her from the minute were ready until we go to sleep. We all go out together and none of us are lovey dovey couples.

OP posts:
IonaNE · 01/01/2016 22:39

if she doesn't have it, she can't pay it.
Of course she can. She asks family or friends to lend her the money. She takes out a loan. Even though that's "not always easy" - she should have thought of this when she committed to the holiday.

Maryz · 01/01/2016 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Snowyxmastree · 01/01/2016 22:40

That's a good idea about the group what's app can anyone suggest someone who can take her place after I get hold of her and see what she wants to do about payment.

She's an ex work colleague, quite close, she was my bridesmaid.

But I am a person to hold a grudge if someone wrongs me, so if she doesn't intned to pay for me that will be it.

OP posts: