Friend has cancelled me for a holiday that's already booked and paid for.

[Snowyxmastree]

I don't know how to handle this situation.

9 friends 4 couples and 1 single have booked to go on a holiday. I have paid for the flights outright and the hotels get paid for on check in. Everyone has paid for the flights bar the single friend.

I have had to rearrange the booking once already as we have booked non refundable rooms and 4 in the party got invited to a family members wedding.

I have just received a message from single friend to say that she is embarrassed to say that she can no longer go due to the cost. She's owes me for the flight and I have been chasing her for a couple of weeks now. Plus the hotel needs to be paid for nearer the time.

Everybody knows this all non refundable but she hasn't mentioned reimbursing me.

How do I go about doing this?

I will not be doing this again despite this being a annual thing for 5 years now with no issues.

I am so pissed off with friend as the hotel was booked mainly as she was unhappy with a lot of hotels as they didn't do single rooms.

Please help me ask her for this money I am owed. It's £550.

[CalleighDoodle]

Have her circumstances changed? Im wondering of she really cant afford it, or simply doesnt want to go. Is she having to pay more per person because she is single? Which would seem unfair and maybe make her feel put out. Or is her total the same as every other person's total.

I would remind her the holiday is non-refundable and since she would still have to pay for it, can you find a way together to work out how she can afford the spending money too? So youd be assuming she is still paying for the hoiday and that it is the spending money there that is the issue.

[Duckdeamon]

Who is legally liable for the costs? You as the one who booked?

Do you have her written commitment to paying?

[CalleighDoodle]

Then id ask her to find someone to take her place, or put out there for your friends. You might be amazed at single people who would jump at a group holiday.

[goodnightdarthvader1]

Work out a payment plan with her. By email. (in writing!)

[littleleftie]

I would approach this initially as if it hadn't even occurred to you she wouldn't be paying up.

I would say "Are you sure you can't just afford the spending money, as obviously you will have to be shelling out for the flights and hotel anyway, they are non refundable. It would be such a shame for you to have to spend all that money and not even come!" -tinkly laugh.

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

Does she know that she'll need to pay out?

A good friend of mine has just told me that she's had to cancel a holiday with friends next year - she's already paid for flights and knows that she'll need to pay for her hotel room, but can't afford the £500+ spending money that some people expected her to take.

I'd send a reply saying that you're sorry that she won't be joining you, and not to be embarrassed. Ask her when you can expect the outstanding £550, and say as soon as that is paid, at least she won't have to think about it any further and you'll try to limit conversation about it so it doesn't feel like salt in the wound.

Word it so it comes across pleasantly but makes clear that she'll still need to pay and you are expecting it soon. You might find that she does have (or plans to have) the £550 but just doesn't have additional money for food/spending money/etc. Hopefully. Fingers crossed!

It'd be a shame not to arrange this any more. I help out sometimes - I just don't book for anyone who hasn't paid by the allocated date. We have an email quote and a WhatsApp group, and a few reminders of the deadline, and then anyone who hasn't paid isn't booked for. Nothing comes out of my pocket. That could work in the future?

[intothewoods]

Tricky, I wouldn't be thinking about court yet though.....

[manicinsomniac]

Wow. Talking about small claims court for somebody who has been a close enough friend to go on holiday together (booked, arranged and initially paid for by OP each time) for 5 years is jumping the gun a bit isn't it?!

The chances are the friend already knows she has to pay for the flight but didn't mention it in the message. Maybe she's depressed, anxious and stressed about money and sad to be missing the holiday and, on NYE of all times, sent a sad and badly thought through message which was unclear about her intentions.

Until proved otherwise, I would send back a really sympathetic and regretful message along the lines of:

'Oh no! I'm so sorry, we'll really miss you. Is there no way we can help you do this with instalments or whatever? You don't have to pay me the whole £550 at once if that helps?'

and wait to see what she says after that. If she suggests that she can no longer afford to pay you at all that's when you'd need to get firmer and say that you must have the money, whether she's coming on the holiday or not.

Perhaps she could find another friend to go in her place?

[rollonthesummer]

How much will the hotel room be? Is that amount definitely non-refundable even if you haven't paid it yet?

[MatildaTheCat]

Depending on the niceness of the hotel it is possible that you will be able to cancel her room if you haven't paid and it's a long way ahead. Definitely worth emailing the manager to ask.

Agre with everyone else you need to email her straight away saying what a shame since the bloody holiday was pretty much chosen by her but you do need the money by X date because you need to clear your credit card then. Why should you be the one who carries the debt if she has any means of paying? If not agree a plan and ensure she sets up a standing order.

[Takeparacetamolandstopmoaning]

Forget all the suggestions about small claims recording conversations etc. firstly, you have to clarify whether she can't afford the additional cost or the flight cost. Obviously if it's just the additional cost reiterate how much she owes you and ask when you can expect it.

If she can't afford the flight you need to think about ways to cancel (phone company and confirm) whether you can charge it back or use travel insurance. And you need to ask friend what she can afford in terms of a payment plan should that fail

[BackInTheRealWorld]

I'd do similar to what little leftie suggests.

[ChristmasEvePJs]

I agree with the others who say call the hotel and confirm if one room out a large party could be cancelled as a courtesy. Does your friend have insurance (although not really a claim tbh).

[DoreenLethal]

I have just received a message from single friend to say that she is embarrassed to say that she can no longer go due to the cost

'And unfortunately I can't afford to pay for two places! It is non refundable so are you telling me you are not going to pay your way when we changed hotels twice due to you needing a single room? This is not on and you will need to set up some sort of payment plan for me to recover the money. It will be £x in total'.

[StickyToffeePuddingAndCustard]

I think you would be able to get the Air Passenger Duty refunded if somebody doesn't fly so this would reduce the 550 to a lesser figure for the both of you, depending on where you are flying to. There's lots of info on the internet, here's a link to MSE:

APD refunds tips

[nightandthelight]

Can't speak for others obviously but the small claims would only be if a refund weren't possible and she refused to pay up! I'm not suggesting going straight to legal measures :) £550 would be a lot of money to me and I would have to get it back as soon as possible. Could be different for op though!

[MooseTrap]

I'd contact her immediately, and I wouldn't offer for her to pay by instalments. It seems strange that she would cancel such a big thing by text . I'd text her back but I'd also phone her. Be very clear with yourself AND her what you want. Think about how long you would be happy to wait for the money then stick to it. Try not to get into discussions about it.

What is she usually like?

Are any of the group particularly close to her? Can you get them involved to so that it's not all left to you.

[manicinsomniac]

Doreen - that's far too aggressive for a first response to a close friend - especially as the friend's response may well be 'yes, I know I have to pay for that, it's the rest I can't afford'!!

[ravenAK]

What everyone else has said - friendly but firm message commiserating but asking about her plans to pay for anything uncancellable.

If she is never going to pay - ie. her finances are a disaster, it's not a short term cashflow thing, & no point therefore doing small claims - then what would happen (actually, has happened!) in my friendship group would be that we'd split the shortfall amongst everyone still going, rather than the organiser getting clobbered for the lot?

[TheBunnyOfDoom]

Can you see if someone else would like to go in her place?

[N3wYear2016]

I have seen similar things occur

People get excited about being asked to go on holiday or to other events

Some people sometimes feel embarrased that they cannot afford to go - even right up to the last minute of departure !

At least your friend has provided you with some notice

Suggest

Ask a wider group of family & friends if anyone wants to go and pay in full

or

Ask everyone who is going could pay/contribute an extra £50 for your friend to join, but she would have to pay her own hotel & spending money

or

Can someone lend her the money & agree a monthly pay back ?

Probably a bad time for some people after Christmas & New Year

It would be a shame for you to be out of pocket & loose a friend

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

Be nice to start with, I'm sure she doesn't want to lose a friend over this, but she must pay you. In instalments if necessary.

[nanodragon]

I would arrange to meet her and don't text. Explain you have paid this is non refundable. When will she be able to pay

[fuzzpig]

:( nightmare when this kind of thing happens especially with such a big amount of money!

Agree with installments, that would be a kind offer. But she must pay you the full amount, why on earth should you be out of pocket. Find out if anyone can take her place, in which case they can just give you the money instead, or if not then find out exactly how much will be non-refundable and give the amount in writing so she knows what she owes you

[ihateminecraft]

I think the suggestion of instalments is a good one, providing you can accommodate that.

Otherwise, if she doesn't pay up, you could call in Judge Rinder! 😄