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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend has cancelled me for a holiday that's already booked and paid for.

523 replies

Snowyxmastree · 01/01/2016 13:48

I don't know how to handle this situation.

9 friends 4 couples and 1 single have booked to go on a holiday. I have paid for the flights outright and the hotels get paid for on check in. Everyone has paid for the flights bar the single friend.

I have had to rearrange the booking once already as we have booked non refundable rooms and 4 in the party got invited to a family members wedding.

I have just received a message from single friend to say that she is embarrassed to say that she can no longer go due to the cost. She's owes me for the flight and I have been chasing her for a couple of weeks now. Plus the hotel needs to be paid for nearer the time.

Everybody knows this all non refundable but she hasn't mentioned reimbursing me.

How do I go about doing this?

I will not be doing this again despite this being a annual thing for 5 years now with no issues.

I am so pissed off with friend as the hotel was booked mainly as she was unhappy with a lot of hotels as they didn't do single rooms.

Please help me ask her for this money I am owed. It's £550.

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 02/01/2016 10:20

Oh dear-the silence doesn't sound good. Wonder what's going through her head now??

Gazelda · 02/01/2016 10:28

is the 550 for the flight alone, or does it include the hotel?

I'd try to keep the costs lumped together if possible, so that she doesn't either a) feel that she's done her bit once she's paid for the flight or b) feel bombarded by you to pay the flight and then the hotel straight afterwards (not that I think you owe her much empathy after the way she has behaved!).

She needs to know the total due, when you expect it to be paid (ie when you are going to have to make the flight/hotel payments) and the consequences to her and to you if she doesn't pay.

I think its important that the other members of the group are aware of what is happening too.

rollonthesummer · 02/01/2016 10:43

Didn't the OP say that flights were 1/3 of the cost of the hotel? So £2000 in total?!

clam · 02/01/2016 10:45

I would be careful about taking on any (more) of the responsibility for sorting this out. If you offer to try to find a replacement person, and then you can't, she may then regard as your fault.

I have a bad feeling about this, I'm afraid.

rollonthesummer · 02/01/2016 10:48

Flight is 1/3 cheaper than the hotel

Oh, maybe not then. What's that in actually money!?

Petal02 · 02/01/2016 10:57

I agree with what Clam just said.

AyeAmarok · 02/01/2016 11:01

I think that your plan sounds good, but I'd make her responsible for finding someone, and yes she should pay the £60.

clam · 02/01/2016 11:03

You need to try to distance yourself from what is actually her problem (even though you're currently out-of-pocket). She has changed her mind about coming, but unfortunately the airline (and hotel?) still require her to pay her fees. What is she going to do about it?

clam · 02/01/2016 11:07

In fact, how about forwarding the contact numbers for cancellation direct to her? Then she has to take ownership of it, even if it turns out that you (having bought the tickets) actually need to be involved. It just underlines her responsibility in the matter.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/01/2016 11:16

Bad feeling here too, sorry.
And you will probably end up losing both the friend and the money if she doesn't pay you back, because even if you try to stay in touch, she probably won't.
A friend of mine lent a very good friend of hers £10k when she was in trouble - expecting of course that it would be paid back over time - no such luck! The "very good friend" not only didn't pay back a bean, but she never spoke to my friend again - probably embarrassed (or scared she'd be asked for the money!). End of friendship.

I hate this sort of thing, and hate it when people do it to you :(

rookiemere · 02/01/2016 11:17

Why are people saying it only costs £60 to change a ticket?
As I've said above it could cost a lot more dependent on the airlines policies and the current cost of the flight.

mummytippy · 02/01/2016 11:20

This is a tough one from the friendship point of view but she owes you the money and has to understand you can't refund the flight cost either. If all of this was clear I don't know how they can ask. What if everyone was to do this? You would not be expected to refund their money so why should it be any different for them?

clam · 02/01/2016 11:25

I agree with the poster who suggested asking her who she thinks should foot this bill. It might make her think twice if she actually has to articulate the words, "I think you should pay for my change of mind."

bloodyteenagers · 02/01/2016 11:30

Last year went to change a ticket.
Was a couple of hundred not £60.

Op before suggesting this I would contact the airline and ask them how much it will cost. I would not be relying Ina random person on the net.

bishboschone · 02/01/2016 11:45

Hope you get this sorted , it would depend on the type of ticket they have booked as to how much it costs to change .

Original poster
Snowyxmastree · 02/01/2016 11:56

I've tried calling a few times this morning and no answer. But she's text me to say she's sorry but we need to find someone to take her place as she can't afford to pay it if she goes or not.
I'm absolutely fuming to be honest no idea what to think, my DH said there must be something wrong so I'm going to try and get hold of a mutual friend who will know if Anythings wrong before I now go in all guns blazing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowyxmastree · 02/01/2016 11:59

My DH has had a good look online at fees to name change and if it's done soon it will only cost £30 so £15 each way on the flight so that's a positive outcome atleast

OP posts:
StrictlyMumDancing · 02/01/2016 12:02

Regardless of whether she has something wrong or not, you really need to make clear now that she needs to sort this, not you. If she would like help then offer it by all means, but its her problem to sort and not yours.

ShelaghTurner · 02/01/2016 12:03

I'd be fuming too. Regardless of her circumstances, you cannot just leave someone with over £500 of your debt and expect to walk away. How the hell does she expect you to cover it? If I owed someone that sort of money it would weigh very heavy on my mind, I certainly wouldn't be doling out ultimatums. DH was made redundant very suddenly two years ago, I know how changes of circumstances feel and I'd have been extremely apologetic and trying to work out a solution not dumping it on someone else.

JellyTotCat · 02/01/2016 12:03

Problem is it might not be that easy to find someone who wants to go away with a group of couples, unless they are able to add someone else as well.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 02/01/2016 12:04

You need to reply and say that you're sorry that she can't join you but she will still need to pay her share, as agreed, unless she can find a replacement - and then the costs of changing the room and flight names will need to be agreed between her and the the new person.

Be very careful of letting her think that she can walk away from this. She may well be trying to coax you into providing a defence, should this get to court - you need to just reiterate that she still needs to pay.

As an aide, she can't afford it whether she comes or not - that sounds like she expected someone to offer to at least partially fund her?

Make it clear that she has to pay regardless of attendance and that the responsibility for mitigating her costs is hers alone, once she's paid you.

whattheseithakasmean · 02/01/2016 12:05

I think you have to text back immediately, making it clear that while you sympathise, it is her responsibility to find someone to take her place or she will be liable for the costs. You can offer to help with this, but do not let her pass the responsibility on to you, or if you can't fill her place she will act like it is not her problem. This is her problem to solve, make that clear.

clam · 02/01/2016 12:06

Who do you mean by "we?" Did she say "we" meaning you and her together, or did she say "you."

Text back and ask her who she thinks is going to cover her portion of this bill, assuming she is unable to find someone to go in her place.

clam · 02/01/2016 12:08

To be honest, this friendship has had it, whichever way it goes now. What an appalling attitude.

knobblyknee · 02/01/2016 12:08

I really think she should at least offer to look for someone to take her place, not tell you to do it.