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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend has cancelled me for a holiday that's already booked and paid for.

523 replies

Snowyxmastree · 01/01/2016 13:48

I don't know how to handle this situation.

9 friends 4 couples and 1 single have booked to go on a holiday. I have paid for the flights outright and the hotels get paid for on check in. Everyone has paid for the flights bar the single friend.

I have had to rearrange the booking once already as we have booked non refundable rooms and 4 in the party got invited to a family members wedding.

I have just received a message from single friend to say that she is embarrassed to say that she can no longer go due to the cost. She's owes me for the flight and I have been chasing her for a couple of weeks now. Plus the hotel needs to be paid for nearer the time.

Everybody knows this all non refundable but she hasn't mentioned reimbursing me.

How do I go about doing this?

I will not be doing this again despite this being a annual thing for 5 years now with no issues.

I am so pissed off with friend as the hotel was booked mainly as she was unhappy with a lot of hotels as they didn't do single rooms.

Please help me ask her for this money I am owed. It's £550.

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowyxmastree · 01/01/2016 18:53

Yes potato face it's through booking. At the time two wanted to cancel I even looked into closing my bank account down.
With the flights I took the names but passport numbers ect I will get later on to check in as one of the party is waiting on a new passport.

OP posts:
razmataz · 01/01/2016 18:57

Do you live near her or see her often - as in, will she easily be able to avoid contact with you and the rest of the group?

I wouldn't mention going legal to her unless she outright says she is not going to pay, or continues to ignore your texts and calls for an unacceptable period of time. I think it's slightly too soon to do that yet, but have it up your sleeve.

MooseTrap · 01/01/2016 18:59

Snowy. That's good that you have everything in writing. It won't guarantee that you will get your money back but at least there I no way she can pretend she didn't know.

I'd keep correspondence short, clear and polite. BuckingsFs email suggestion is a bit too chatty in my opinion.

lunar1 · 01/01/2016 19:01

I'd make sure everyone knows the holiday is in jeopardy as you won't be able to pay your part of the hotel if ex friend refuses to pay.

Stillwishihadabs · 01/01/2016 19:03

OK , details though it may out me. Met up with friend X by chance on Thursday , she tells me a group of old friends are meeting up on Saturday night., no mention of money at this stage, I think it is a casual thing in a. Bar or similar. " Sounds great " I say " count me in" OK she says I need to check with friend Y, she is organising it, I will get back to you.

Next morning I get a text saying there is space, its £90 a head, this time this place assumingno no allergies etc. I check my bank balance and work out I would need to leave home at 4pm to make it which would be difficult. I decide I'm not happy to spend £150 for a couple of hours. Text friend X to this effect (about 2 hours after her text as that's how long it took given it was between 8 and 10 am. I bear nothing until Saturday lunchtime saying friend Y has now told the venue and I need to pay. Anyway as there was (as I saw it) fault on all 3 parts we agreed to split if the venue insisted on payment. Hope that's clear

Kwick709 · 01/01/2016 19:09

I am hooked on this saga... Please keep the thread updated snowyxmastree!!!

LadyStoicIsBack · 01/01/2016 19:14

Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whatever you do do NOT send her what buckingfrolicks suggests as - in the event you DO have to pursue via a legal route - you could actually inadvertently add to the strength of HER argument.

IE if you DID write:

"Dear friend

The financial arrangements for our planned holiday were, as you know, done by me, and this means that I've paid £550 for your travel arrangements.

It could sound as if this is you explaining to her for the first time IYSWIM?

Since she appears to have made it clear the friendship is a goner (as WhoTF would do to a mate what she is KNOWINGLY trying to do to you??!!) & focus now is on recouping the funds, do not write anything that could remotely sound as if you were solely responsible.

To be frank, if one more attempt at a friendly outcome via a clear, unambigous, text (or better still a group whatsapp comm that shows an informed and united front) that ends with "can you please advise when the due funds will be transferred?" doesn't do the trick, then the next comm were it me would be a letter of demand and headlined with 'WITHOUT PREJUDICE' (aka 'there is nothing in here you can try to twist to use against me')

I really feel for you OP , what a very shitty thing to happen to you.

DinosaursRoar · 01/01/2016 19:24

While you're waiting to hear back from her (and she's unlikely to reply tonight if she's now going to be trying to find the money to pay you), tell the others what's going on. It could be they are prepared to share the additional cost if she doesn't pay up, as quite frankly, it's unfair that because you were the one to book, you are the one to get stuck with this extra cost.

OVienna · 01/01/2016 19:25

Oh gosh good luck OP. Have you had contact with the others yet? An incredibly shitty thing to do. Do you get the sense she's backing away from the friendship group? Was she normal with you guys up to now?

LIZS · 01/01/2016 19:29

I'd agree with pp who suggest something may have come up affecting the affordability of the trip. Or could she be feeling a bit left out if the only single? Hope you hear back soon positively. It would be good to confide in another of the party in the meantime not to tell tales but in case they can shed any light on her behaviour if out of character. How soon is the trip, could someone else take the place?

KERALA1 · 01/01/2016 19:34

As a fellow organiser I utterly sympathise. So shit that tne person that makes things happen and does the crap admin to enable a group to have a holiday gets financially penalised.

If you cannot recover the money from the weak link the decent thing is for the whole group to split the cost to reimburse you what you have paid out. This was done for me recently when another weak link bailed on a Christmas meal I had paid a deposit for. Much smaller amount but fairer that the whole group bear the pain rather than one individual. Also shames the weak link.

rollonthesummer · 01/01/2016 19:37

Has she been the only single one going on holiday with you couples for four years or is she newly single? Are you old friends/parents at school friends/work friends/primary school friends/husbands work together etc?

Have you spoken to any of the others yet?

Has she replied other than to say 'I didn't know it was non-refundable' (or whatever it was)?

How much is the hotel room going to set her back?

Olddear · 01/01/2016 19:42

She knew she was single when she agreed to go!

minipie · 01/01/2016 19:43

Oh bugger OP what a shame. These things are done on trust and she has betrayed that trust.

I think I'd say something like

"Come on, of course you knew it was non refundable, we had that whole discussion about whether to book ethe cheaper non refundable prices or the more expensive flexible ones and you agreed with non refundable. If you've got less money than you thought then let's talk about how we can reduce spending money so you can come, or what bits we might be able to get back (tax on the flight I think), but you're not expecting me to cover the cost of your booking surely? Don't want this to get awkward!"

BabyGanoush · 01/01/2016 19:47

God how upsetting!

That friend is not a friend

KERALA1 · 01/01/2016 19:47

Who cares what the reasons are? The op is £550 down. Not sure utility companies or council tax people are interested in your feelings or romantic status if you don't pay what you owe them. This should be no different.

CerseiHeartsJaime4ever · 01/01/2016 19:48

I don't know if this will help you - maybe if she doesn't pay up it will help with the costs abit, but - I booked a hotel through booking and it was non refundable, payment taken at check in, pay £1 deposit type thing.

We ended up staying with friends and didn't check in and there were shockingly no repercussions! They just never took the money Confused

LadyStoicIsBack · 01/01/2016 19:48

A follow up to what RollOn asked - 'How much is the hotel room going to set her back?

Are HER card details lodged w hotel against her room, or is all just on you until you guys get there and then individually check in?

Has only just dawned on me that you're looking at the £550 for flights PLUS hotel room (or am I being v dim & missed something upthread & the £550 includes cost of hotel? - promise I did RTFT before anyone flames me!)

CerseiHeartsJaime4ever · 01/01/2016 19:50

I might also say something like, I'm shocked you say I didn't tell you as I sent this message on the xx of x and you responded...

ZenNudist · 01/01/2016 19:51

I can't see you'd have much luck getting £70 out of everyone else to cover the cost of this woman flaking.

I do t think it's a loss yet. But don't except an installment repayment plan.

SuperFlyHigh · 01/01/2016 19:53

Am I the only one here who'd be beyond angry and embarrassed if I were the friend and found out this was being discussed on an Internet forum?

I've had this with a friend, simple, she bailed on me for a holiday i was meant to go on I'd paid deposit (she wanted her ex boyfriend to come instead) I just told her transfer the money back to me that day, gave bank details and hounded her and threatened to go to her house (she was living with parents then) - by the end of the next day money was in my bank account.

xmasseason · 01/01/2016 19:53

Definitely not instalments. She owes you the full amount immediately. If she has to take out a loan to pay you, and then pay them back in instalments then so be it. Or she could sell one of the expensive items you say she buys. A good friend wouldn't behave like this. She sounds sneaky and is taking advantage.

Donthate · 01/01/2016 19:54

Wow she has a cheek. One of our friends tried to drop out of a hen do a few months ago. When she was told it was non refundable she soon decided to come.

SuckingEggs · 01/01/2016 20:04

Super, she's been chased for weeks! She is beyond rude.

littleleftie · 01/01/2016 20:11

I would do EXACTLY what minipie suggests. I think that is your best chance of coming out of this with your bank balance intact at this point.

If she really still says she isn't coming, then you start getting shitty. If she thinks you are really angry with her she is less likely to want to come away. If she thinks she can get away with it all being "a bit of a misunderstanding" she is more likely to come.