Friend has cancelled me for a holiday that's already booked and paid for.

[Snowyxmastree]

I don't know how to handle this situation.

9 friends 4 couples and 1 single have booked to go on a holiday. I have paid for the flights outright and the hotels get paid for on check in. Everyone has paid for the flights bar the single friend.

I have had to rearrange the booking once already as we have booked non refundable rooms and 4 in the party got invited to a family members wedding.

I have just received a message from single friend to say that she is embarrassed to say that she can no longer go due to the cost. She's owes me for the flight and I have been chasing her for a couple of weeks now. Plus the hotel needs to be paid for nearer the time.

Everybody knows this all non refundable but she hasn't mentioned reimbursing me.

How do I go about doing this?

I will not be doing this again despite this being a annual thing for 5 years now with no issues.

I am so pissed off with friend as the hotel was booked mainly as she was unhappy with a lot of hotels as they didn't do single rooms.

Please help me ask her for this money I am owed. It's £550.

[Clearoutre]

If she doesn't intend to pay her share then focus on agreeing that the shortfall will be shared between the group so you're each down circa £60 rather than just you by £550.

It's unfair to pull out and start the blame game about 'small print' and what can be proved in writing - who does that to their friends?! Don't get dragged into a fight, minimise the damage, lesson learnt and enjoy your holiday.

[CerseiHeartsJaime4ever]

I have a friend who, despite several conversations, messages, whatsapp etc, very direct and implicit instructions ie driving routes, will still not really listen to or follow arrangements.

If she is this type of friend then I would prob have made more attempt to confirm she was ok with non refundable, ie, could everyone message me back to let me know that's ok for them? type thing before I booked it as I want to pre-empt her issues.

Do you have anything where she agreed to non refundable?

[Branleuse]

tell her "look, this is obviously awkward, but its non refundable, its always been clear that its non refundable, and im not covering you, so I really need the money, and we all need a holiday, including you, so lets just carry on as arranged. You get the money to me as arranged and lets just carry on as normal. If youre really skint then we can do cheap things when we are there, but pulling out now is not an option. Its booked. x"

[DinosaursRoar]

I would say you are going to lose the friend anyway, because if you don't make her pay up, it's not like you aren't going to be able to look her in the face without thinking about how she fucked up and cost you so much money. It's hard to stay friends with someone you know doesn't give a shit about you.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Gosh your friend is sneaky, glad you screen shot the evidence. She is still responsible for the costs, why is it fair for you to pay for her pulling out. She should have thought about that before.

[buckingfrolicks]

There are two issues here - keeping the friendship, and getting the financials sorted. The focus of most posters has been the money; the trouble with that is, the OP may get her money and lose a friend. Which I presume she doesn't want as an outcome.

So how about something that restates the friendship and adopts a joint problem solving approach? Like this...

"Dear friend

I'm so sorry to hear that you don't have the funds at the moment; that must mean that things are difficult for you, and as your friend, I hope things get better for you soon. The financial arrangements for our planned holiday were, as you know, done by me, and this means that I've paid £550 for your travel arrangements.

This feels really awkward to me, and I'm guessing it does for you too: I'm hoping that we both want the same thing, which is to be able to stay friends, so it's important to both of us that we can sort out the money side, although it's difficult!

It's not possible for me to absorb the £550 myself, I'm afraid, and I doubt that you'd think that was an acceptable option either. So I'm wondering how we can sort this out so that we both feel okay about it? What are your suggestions? I'm thinking if you were able to refund me half the amount now, and half in 2 months, that would work for me, but what would work for you? Let's talk and see how to best resolve a situation that I'm sure neither of us anticipated.

best ... your name"

[StrictlyMumDancing]

A person who is willing to let someone lose that amount of money is not a friend. Best try to salvage the money IMO.

Agree with dinosaur though, maybe message the rest of the group and explain and see if between the group the costs can be covered in the worst case.

[lorelei9]

really what happens is now is you wait and see how she responds.

a decent person will accept that's what she signed up for, and if she is really struggling will suggest that she pay you back in instalments. If you don't get a suggestion for that in the next day or so, I'd chase.

but I have a feeling now she's realised that she's got to pay she may come along with you.

[Sparklycat]

This sounds exactly like something one of my friends would do, I wonder why I am still friends with her!

[Optimist1]

I agree with LavenderDoll that you need to inform everyone and deal with it as a united group. Fingers crossed!

[Viviennemary]

She owes the OP money. Never enter into such an agreement paying a deposit for other people. (I got stung once in this way never again. Only by a much smaller amount) She owes the money and must pay up. All this boo hoo I'm skint nonsense is sheer selfishness. She shouldn't have booked the holiday and then changed her mind.

[Stillwishihadabs]

I was in a similar situation recently "on the other side" IYSWIM and we agreed to split it.

[Potatoface2]

surely if you booked her flight you had to have her details so how could she not have known....i know booking.com take card details and you pay on arrival and its non refundable if you back out (the money is taken from your account the day you arrive)they take it if you dont arrive

[stairwaytoheaven]

Is it possible that the cannot afford it is not the real reason. Newly pregnant perhaps or illness within the family which would make her unwilling to travel. If she has travel insurance this sort of thing may be covered.
It may be worth gently asking her if money is the only problem.

[Potatoface2]

j had this last year, booking, paying, collecting the money, changing the booking, adding someone, checking the booking, can you get us interlocking rooms....stressfull!....ive been asked to do it all again this year and have refused....still keep getting hassled though

[Waltermittythesequel]

StillWish did you sting your friend with a bill for your expenses??

[Snowyxmastree]

Still not heard back.

Everything was screen shotted before booking and everyone agreed to cheaper prices.

Hotel & flights with non refundable price and flexi (being loads more) were sent and a conformation yes that's fine with me from friend.

I always do this as it shows actual prices and I can't be bothered to write it all out.

[mcdog]

I really feel for you OP. What a shit friend she is. I hope this comes to an easy resolution..good luck!

[Olddear]

I wouldn't miss her friendship! Could you call her bluff as it were and say you want to settle this amicably as it would be pity to have to go the legal route to sort it out? Would that be enough to make her pay up?

[PamDooveOrangeJoof]

Can another single friend come instead and take over the cost? Sometimes it's just a little extra to change names

[lorelei9]

stairway "It may be worth gently asking her if money is the only problem."

well, she's an adult....if there is another issue she still needs to pay the OP. If there's something personal going on she can still say "here's when I will pay you back, sorry it's not going to be sooner".

[honeysucklejasmine]

Oh gosh. How stressful OP! Agree you need to inform the rest of the group and ask nicely if they will share the burden with you if necessary. No-one will be happy, and the thought of 8 people being miffed with her might be more powerful.

[MooseTrap]

Stillwishihadabs I presume your situation was different otherwise it would be a bit to split the cost of you cancelling. I can't see any reason why the OP should offer to pay for her soon to be ex friend.

[Jibberjabberjooo]

If you don't hear anything in the next day or so you'll have to text her again. It's too much money.